Nov 2 2009Jon Gosselin: Spiritual Journeyman
Jon Gosselin is using the oldest trick in the book to cover up his ATV-banging ways: Finding religion. He spent Sunday evening with Rabbi Schmuley of Oprah fame and opened up about his transgressions and his new found lease on life. Via People:
On his celebrity status:
"I think I'm just misunderstood. I'm not a fame seeker. Everyday I look in the mirror and I wonder [why I'm famous]. I don't sing. I don't dance. I'm not a Nobel Peace Prizewinner. I just had eight kids and I had a show on TLC."
On his antics in the press:
"Half the stuff I've done, if I look at my moral compass, I shouldn't have done. I know that but I did it anyway. It's like fame canceled out conviction."
On mending his relationship with Kate:
"I want to apologize to Kate in private. I'll apologize to her for openly having relationships in the public eye. That was a huge mistake, because if she would've done that to me, I would have been extremely pissed off. Not because our relationship is over, it's almost like a stab in the back. And now that I think about it, it was a very wrong thing to do. I definitely regret it."
On Hailey Glassman:
"We decided not to take a break, just slow things down, until I get through my divorce and I know everything is settled and okay. I don't want another failure in my relationships. I don't want to make the same mistakes I made with Kate, with Hailey. I would just be repeating the pattern over again."
So basically this is Jon's cover for eventually crawling back to TLC and letting them film his kids in exchange for enough money to buy a Lamborghini with his face airbrushed on the door. Or "for the healing," as it'll be called in the press release.
Nov 1 2009Jon Gosselin dumped Hailey Glassman
Because there's never a shortage of mediocre trim in America (Thanks, fast food!), Jon Gosselin has parted ways with Hailey Glassman who, in one last act of submission, participated in a carefully planned publicity campaign to make Jon look like he's going on a deep, spiritual quest. People reports:
Still, a source told PEOPLE, "This was all a carefully orchestrated sequence: First, Hailey laments how hard her life has been lately and how bad Jon treats her, then Jon repents. Next, Jon plans to announce that he is going to be spending some time alone."
The source added, "It has all been designed so that it doesn't seem as though Hailey got dumped."
Of course this plan will inevitably fall apart considering Jon Gosselin has all the discretionary skills of a live grenade. No, really, by Monday morning I guarantee we'll be hearing first person accounts of Jon seducing women in an Applebee's parking lot. "He said he'd get me my own reality show but all he did was steal my doggie bag after 30 seconds of intercourse. 25 of which he spent telling me to demean him until he got an erection. 'In Kate's voice! IN KATE'S VOICE!'"
Oct 29 2009Hailey Glassman: 'Jon Gosselin acts like a dick to me'
Hailey Glassman appeared on The Insider yesterday where she revealed Jon Gosselin has anger issues and basically treats her like shit. But how do you leave all that handsome? Via PopEater:
"He'll call me and take his anger out on me. He has 'mantrums.' I shouldn't have to put up with being emotionally abused."
She adds, "I cry and say, 'Why are you so mean to me?' "
"Sometimes he has trouble with the truth," she says, "and he will dance and dance around his lies. He's like Jekyll and Hyde. But I still love him."
I'm going to interpret that last part to mean former Star magazine reporter Kate Major is about six months away from squeezing out her own reality show: Jon & That Other Kate Plus Does It Really Matter? You People Will Watch Anything. Only on TLC!
Oct 19 2009Jon Gosselin & Hailey Glassman are your new Heidi & Spencer
Considering TLC is suing Jon Gosselin up the anus, it's no surprise he spent the weekend with Hailey Glassman mugging for the paparazzi to make some extra money. Now, I don't know what's sadder: that somebody's actually using Heidi & Spencer as a business model, or that these shots almost make me miss Fleshbeard and Chins McJugs. Call them the vapid taint of civilization, but at least they were photogenic. -- Goddammit, Jon, now look what you made me say. I hope Hailey has 100-tuplets and gets a reverse mullet, you doughy bastard. Don't talk to me.
Scope Out (12) Pics of Jon & Hailey After the Jump
Continue Reading "Jon Gosselin & Hailey Glassman are your new Heidi & Spencer"
Sep 11 2009Hailey Glassman still with Jon Gosselin - and she's meeting the kids!
Looks like reports that Hailey Glassman bailed on her rotund knight in ATV armor were false because RadarOnline not only snagged pics of them together yesterday (above), but has word that Jon is introducing Hailey to the kids despite Kate's objections:
Kate thinks it's too soon for the kids to be introduced to their father's girlfriend. She asked Jon to consider the kids' emotions and how hard it is for them to deal with their parents divorce. In Kate's view, adding a parent's new romantic interest into the equation right now is simply too much.
Jon spent Thursday with Hailey, 22, but took time out of his day to call his soon-to-be-ex-wife and tell her that he soon will be bringing Hailey to the Wernersville home where the kids stay while Jon and Kate take turns living there. The reality show couple's divorce is scheduled to be finalized this month.
It was simply too much for Kate and she broke down.
Fortunately, there's a light at the end of this tunnel: Jon Gosselin is set to break the Guinness World Record for having the most children enter the stripping profession. (I never said it was a good light.)
Sep 10 2009Hailey Glassman dumps Jon Gosselin
Because she's clearly a high caliber woman who deserves respect, Hailey Glassman has reportedly given Jon Gosselin the boot and his Vegas pool party was the final straw, according to In Touch:
"When Jon came back, he said very little to Hailey, but his phone spilled the details," the friend tells In Touch. "He had several text messages and photos taken with girls, including a showgirl. Hailey was shocked that he didn't bother to delete any of it from his phone."
On September 4, Hailey called Jon and told him she was through. "She'd had it," the close friend adds. "She said she couldn't trust him." Once madly in love, Hailey first grew suspicious of Jon's extracurricular activities when tabloid reporter Kate Major claimed she and Jon were an item in July. Although Jon told In Touch he and Kate were "just friends," Hailey was still skeptical. "He lied to her about Kate Major," the close friend reveals. Hailey also now believes that Jon was with other women as well, after he moved into a bachelor pad in New York. "He would go out and return wearing totally different clothes," the close friend explains. "Hailey would question Jon about it, and he'd just say he had spilled a drink on himself." Hailey also believes that Jon collects numbers from the adoring female fans who line the fence at the Reading, Pa., home he shares with his estranged wife, Kate. "She doesn't want to deal with that," the friend explains.
All jokes aside, I'm sure it must've been hard dating Jon Gosselin. While most women worry if they're attractive enough for their man, Hailey would spend days trying to give herself love handles and jowls. *sniff* And he never even noticed!
Aug 20 2009Kate Major: 'Jon Gosselin wooed me with his ATV. Then I banged him.'
Clocking in at minute 14:59:55, Kate Major tells Life & Style she was in a sexual relationship with Jon Gosselin who she claims acted like "a dirtbag" and was shady as hell:
On their first night together:
"Jon never wanted to use his credit card -- he was worried that he'd get caught or spotted. On July 20, we went to a hotel in New Jersey. I paid for the room, and he snuck up a back way. That was the first time we slept together. He said he was falling in love with me. He said, 'I thought Hailey was perfect until I met you.'"
On having sex in his house while the kids were asleep:
"Jon said he couldn't be seen having a girlfriend, so he told me to drive to a neighbor's house after midnight, when the kids were asleep. He said he'd pick me up on his four-wheeler, take me to his house and drop me off again at 6 a.m. I was shocked and said, 'No, I don't feel right doing that. What if the kids wake up?' He was like, 'They're not going to notice, they're not going to see anything.' He wasn't nervous about it --I was. Looking back, it was all pretty much sexual. That's what he had in mind."
On getting kicked to the curb - via text:
"Jon told me he needed to go to Massachusetts to meet Hailey and break up with her. Right when he left on July 23, he shut his phone off -- and also shut himself off. Once he finally called me, I didn't know the new person. He sounded upset and said he needed to be single right now. Then he sent me a message saying, 'Do not contact me again.'"
Despite the fact Kate Major blatantly tried to glom onto gold nuggets from someone else's uterus, I really want to believe Jon Gosselin picked up a piece of strange on his ATV under the cover of darkness. So I'm going to. Ha! What an A-hole.
Aug 18 2009Hailey Glassman: 'TLC is The Lying Channel'
Since appearing in France with Jon Gosselin two weeks after Kate filed for divorce, Hailey Glassman says she's been the "sacrificial lamb" in this whole debacle. But in an interview with E! News she sets the record straight on TLC, Kate Major and rumors Jon is sleeping with his nanny which ended in Kate being escorted away from her house by the cops:
On TLC:
"More like the lying channel," Glassman said when reminded that TLC stood for The Learning Channel. TLC didn't allow [Jon and Kate Gosselin] to come out and say their marriage was done a year ago," she said. But "no network owns what I can and cannot say."
On her relationship with Jon:
"We both enjoy just simple things in life," she said, citing their mutual love of snowboarding, watching movies, playing pool and other "normal" activities.
On Kate Major:
"Cuckoo, cuckoo."
On Stephanie Santoro:
"Jon has a good heart, she has a child and he felt bad. He knows how it feels to have a child and not be able to afford, you know, so he hired her to give her a job."
On not wanting to be famous:
"If I wanted fame, don't you think I would be out all the time? I stay in my house. I've been staying home with my parents because I feel safe there."
And Hailey's telling the truth; she doesn't want fame. She just wants a Porsche in return for banging an obese reality star who's essentially running a televised sweatshop with his ex-wife. What's more pure and innocent than that?
