Sep 8 2009Kim Kardashian's only talent and other news
- George Clooney actually looks pussy-whipped at the Venice Film Festival. I smell an impostor. Pull his beard off! [Lainey Gossip]
- Gavin Rossdale thinks leather pants are suitable attire for a tennis match. Then again, he sticks his penis in Gwen Stefani. Carry on. [Just Jared]
- Tyra Banks is apparently bald. [PopEater]
- Kourtney Kardashian's boyfriend hangs out with Kevin Federline now. Which means he's either learning how to cash a support check at the liquor store or which sweatpants hold the most chicken wings. [Celebslam]
- Cameron Diaz and Seth Rogen film The Green Hornet. [PopSugar]
- Mischa Barton maintains a strict fitness regimen. With Big Macs. [The Blemish]
- Karina Smirnoff and Maksim Chmerkovskiy are no longer having insane dancer sex that would break most mere mortal's bones. (Note: Talking about you people. Not me. Karina?) [Socialite Life]
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Mar 9 2009Gavin Rossdale running around shirtless
Here's Gavin Rossdale running around shirtless yesterday while filming his new video for "Forever May You Run." Ladies need eye candy, too. On that note, I'd like to commend the director on making a faithful recreation of that time I ate a bunch of acid and thought a police cruiser was Evangeline Lily naked and covered in maple syrup. I heard they had to burn the car afterward. Still offended by that.
Oct 30 2008Gwen Stefani unveils baby Zuma online
Gwen Stefani posted the first "official" photo of her new baby Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale on her website. The maneuver is presumably in retaliation to being caught by the paparazzi at the Beverly Hills library yesterday. Cute baby though. Kind of reminds me of myself at that age. Shit, it reminds me of myself at this age. Mostly because I stayed up all night again playing Halo in a diaper so I wouldn't have to use the bathroom. PEW PEW PEW!
Oct 27 2008Gwen Stefani, I'd Keep My Bacon Costume On For You: An Open Letter
Dear Gwen "Over Easy" Stefani,
I'd keep my bacon costume on for you.
I wouldn't check out the window for the paparazzi then take my bacon costume off leaving my wife to look like a lowly sunny-side-up while I maintain my rockstar cool image. No way. Not this guy.
With my bacon costume still on (for you), I'd proudly put my arm around you and say "Hey, don't we sizzle?" Then we'd laugh and tell people "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day." A ha ha ha! (Though, in all seriousness, it is.)
So, the next time Gavin Rossdale comes home all ripped and sweaty from working out, and he's holding a fistful of record label cash then says "Hello" in that British accent of his that causes women to instantly self-lubricate, just remember: That guy on the Internet said he'd keep his bacon costume on for you.
Let's make love in an English Muffin,
The Superficial Writer
P.S. Just so we're completely honest up front, there have been other breakfast items before you: Some donuts, a grapefruit and, one time, that guy from the Quaker Oats box. He had a powdered wig on!
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Aug 21 2008Gwen Stefani gives birth to a baby boy
Gwen Stefani finally gave birth to a baby boy today, and she must've been super pissed at the kid for staying in there so long because she named him Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale. I mean, Jesus, lady, so what if he came out and was already four years old? That's no excuse! Fortunately, I'm willing to forgive you because you're hot. Let it never be said I'm not a fair and generous writer of boobs. Now go in peace and maybe, while you're at it, think about how awesome it would be if you wore a bikini. Just puttin' it out there.
Congratulations to Gwen and Gavin from The Superficial!
