Oct 3 2005Fantasia Barrino can't read
I've yelled a lot of random angry crap at a lot of people on my TV screen over the years, but I never imagined that I'd hit the nail on the head with, of all things, "Get off my screen, you illiterate fucks!"
But maybe I'm more perceptive than I think, because American Idol winner Fantasia Barrino has come out and said, "You got me!"
"American Idol" winner Fantasia Barrino reveals in her memoirs that she is functionally illiterate and had to fake her way through some scripted portions the televised talent show, which she won in 2004."You're illiterate to just about everything. You don't want to misspell," Fantasia told ABC's "20/20." "So that, for me, kept me in a box and I didn't, wouldn't come out."
First of all: "You're illiterate to just about everything"? What else can you be illiterate to other than words? My guess is nothing, but maybe I only know that because I can read stuff. Like dictionaries. Second: The article mentions that she dropped out of high school, and, um, I'm no Jean Piaget, but isn't reading a skill they need you to master in, like, elementary school? So how did she even get to high school? In fact, how did she get to be famous for singing songs she can't read the lyrics to? I'm thinking somebody really dropped the ball on this one. And that somebody? Is America.
Aug 20 2004Fantasia Barrino
Gov. Mike Easley has proclaimed Saturday as Fantasia Barrino Day in North Carolina to mark the day she makes her first major singing appearance in her home state since winning the "American Idol" title in May. [Read]
North Carolina makes me sad.
Jun 29 2004Diana DeGarmo
DeGarmo's oversized voice and personality earned her only silver on Idol, won by Fantasia Barrino. But like last year's runner-up, Clay Aiken, DeGarmo, the TV talent search's youngest finalist, is being groomed for A-list stardom by Idol mastermind Simon Fuller and RCA, the label that inherits the show's bounty.
I dont actually know who this Diana DeGarmo chick is or what she sounds like, but if she's in the same category as Clay Aiken, then she must be a winner. Normally I would complain about the losers on the show becoming more successful than the winners, but now that I think about it, I'm sure that a) they're all equally annoying and b) I really dont care. Being a whiny, ugly, egotistical asshole is probably a prerequisite to get on the show, anyway.
I really dont get this whole deal with American Idol. Will somebody please tell me why this show still exists and who it is that actually considers Ryan Seacrest and his gang of tools to be good television? I am completely at a loss for words when I see all the the excitement and hype surrounding the likes of Ryan Seacrest, William Hung, Justin Guarini, Clay Aiken, and the rest of them. OMG LOL I'm a Claymate/Claymaniac/Kellyholic ROFL LOL OMG William Hung is putting out a CD!! YAY. I think everyone who bought that thing should be SHOT. And no, I don't care if you're 12.
But nevertheless, I'm so glad that they're breeding another Clay Aiken. He = hot. I especially love his emotion-ridden facial expressions, sexy camera winks and overall dreamy physique. Mmm. And who can forget that creepy single he came out with that's oddly suggestive of rape? That's gotta be every girl's dream. *swoon* You have some big shoes to fill, Miss Diana.
Diana DeGarmo 1
Diana DeGarmo 2
I have to go burn my eyes out now.
May 29 2004Fantasia Barrino
How did this ugly crackwhore of a woman win American Idol? Not that anybody gives a shit about that piece of shit show, but it seems weird that this girl won. Not only does she not look like an American Idol/pop star, but she looks like she belongs on the cover of Crackwhore Magazine. Did I mention that she looks like a crackwhore? I vote that she be kicked out of her position and that Tyra Banks be named the next American Idol. Hell, when you look as good as Tyra Banks, it doesn't even matter whether or not you can sing. Just look at Britney Spears. All it takes is a little ass shaking and cleavage showing and you're in. Good ol' America never disappoints when it comes to being superficial. Then again, Tyra did try her hand at the whole singing game and it hasn't exactly turned out as well as she probably would have hoped. I believe 'sucking ass' wasn't really the genre she was shooting for.
View Fantasia Barrino [American Idol]
View Fantasia Barrino Gallery
View Tyra Banks Gallery [Absolutely.net]
