Nov 18 2009Paris Hilton denies drunken fight with Doug
Captain Birdfoot of the S.S. Barnacled Clam is denying she was involved in a fight with Doug Reinhardt that ended in the cops showing up at her house, according to TMZ:
"Doug and I were in bed, sound asleep, when Doug's houseguests from hell got into an argument. We had nothing to do with it. Doug told the LAPD that his guests' fight was over and that we had nothing to do with it."
Ok, sounds credible, except for the neighbor who says he eyeballed Paris in her driveway screaming at BF Doug Reinhardt, and then watched as the two engaged in a mutual shoving match. And then there's the LAPD, who tells us after arriving they actually made Paris get out of bed so they could check for injuries.
If Paris is afraid to admit she's in an abusive relationship because she'll be encouraged to break up with Doug, she really shouldn't be. In fact, I'd like to pay for the wedding. Let's make this thing permanent, you crazy lovebirds!
Nov 18 2009Paris & Doug still beating the shit out of each other
Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt reportedly got into another drunken brawl this morning, according to TMZ:
Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt got into an epic fight early this morning ... so much so the LAPD responded to a call -- "Drunk people arguing" -- this, according to law enforcement sources.
It happened a few hours ago in the Hollywood Hills. An eyewitness tells us he saw Paris in her driveway and Doug getting in his car, when Paris began screaming, "Don't go, don't go!"
The eyewitness tells us Doug got out of the car and the lovebirds began "shoving each other."
Sonofabitch. How many times do I have to explain to Doug Reinhardt he won't go to jail for murdering Paris in a "crime of passion?" No, really, I dare you to find one person who'd convict him let alone an entire jury. It's the greatest legal loophole known to man.
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Nov 1 2009Doug Reinhardt photographed choking Paris Hilton
Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt went at each other last night in front of the paparazzi. The two were out celebrating Halloween and apparently the shit hit the fan when they got in an argument inside their limo and Doug threw Paris' phone out the window, according to Splash News. Paris was reportedly yelling "I'm going to kill you" which prompted Doug to wrap his hands around her neck until a mutual friend pulled her out of the car.
Dammit, I knew this was going to happen. After getting on my soapbox about Joe Francis and Chris Brown being giant pussies for beating women, I knew there would come a day where I'd end up looking like a hypocrite and of course, it had to be Paris Hilton riding that horse in. Although in my defense, I'm pretty sure even counselors at women's shelter are looking at these photos and giving each other high fives. (Your secret's safe with me.)
Scope Out (20) Pics of Paris & Doug After the Jump
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Aug 27 2009Paris Hilton has lost her shit
Seen here in Vancouver to film her Supernatural cameo, Paris Hilton has officially crossed the line into psycho girlfriend territory. Scope out what she did to Doug Reinhardt's house before heading out of town, according to E! News:
Before jet-setting to Vancouver, Paris had her team pay a visit to D.R.'s house, bringing over life-size photos of herself to hang throughout the mansion. And we don't exactly think she got Dougie's permission! Talk about an extreme home makeover.
Certainly not entirely self-minded, P.H. managed to frame a few pictures of the two of them as well, hamming it up for the camera in all sorts of ridiculous kissy-kissy poses. P's crew hung them all over chez Reinhardt for all houseguests to gawk at--or laugh at, depending what reaction you usually emit while staring at pics of Paris.
"Seriously, there were only a few photos that survived Par's redecorating," says our freaked-out source.
In related news, a giant penicillin capsule was airlifted onto Doug Reinhardt's house today only to instantly dissolve upon impact. EPA officials are reportedly weighing a nuclear strike.
Aug 24 2009Doug Reinhardt shot down by The Hills
Looks like Doug Reinhardt is regretting Paris Hilton shitting on The Hills back in May. Much like he crawled back to Paris, he's crawling back to his old stomping grounds who want nothing to do with him. And he works for free. Page Six reports:
Cast members of MTV's "The Hills" were overheard recently at Harrah's Resort in Atlantic City "laughing about how Doug can't get a part on the show," said our source. "He's been begging MTV producers for a contract." Unlike cast members who are paid per episode, Reinhardt makes cameo appearances for free. "Doug keeps calling MTV, but they don't want him," said the source.
Wow. Just to put things in perspective, MTV pays Heidi and Spencer money to appear on their show, but Doug Reinhardt can't even get an unpaid walk-on. Ouch. Now would be a good time to hang yourself in a Canadian motel room. I hear that's in right now.
Aug 17 2009Paris Hilton allowed near aquatic life
Here's Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt continuing their vacation in Bora Bora over the weekend, and someone thought it'd be a great idea to let Paris swim with stingrays which raises two important questions: 1. Who's more afraid of getting stung by who in this scenario? And 2. How pissed off is Steve Irwin's family right about now? Because I'm guessing a lot.
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Aug 11 2009Paris Hilton in a bikini - with Doug Reinhardt
Here's Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt rekindling their love in Bora Bora yesterday, and can someone explain to me why the hell's there's a hole in Paris' leg? Wait. Of course! It makes perfect sense: A backup vagina. So that's how she got Doug back. (Not counting money.)
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Aug 7 2009Doug Reinhardt romancing Paris in Fiji
Doug Reinhardt is doing his best to get back in the good/itchy graces of Paris Hilton, according to E! News:
He's rented a private island in Fiji for the two of them, where they are currently spending their time deep-sea diving, Jet Skiing and even sky diving.
Sources close to Doug say he has stopped at nothing to win back Paris...
"He has been so generous and sweet, and has really impressed her with his romantic ways," a source tells E! News.
Sources close to Paris say she is really happy: "She loves being treated like a princess...She can feel how deeply in love he is with her, and she's having a blast."
Because there's nothing more romantic then having your boyfriend use your credit card to pay for a vacation then have sex with you while wearing ten condoms. I hear Princess Di preferred the same treatment.
