Oct 9 2009Paris Hilton still has really gross knees and other news
- Billy Ray Cyrus wants Miley Cyrus to keep Tweeting. How else is going to buy that there sol-eed gold spittoon he's been fixin' to get? [Lainey Gossip]
- Jon Gosselin and the paparazzi: BFFs. [PopEater]
- Jessica Alba wears retarded shorts. [Drunken Stepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Heidi Klum has NOT birthed a future German sexpot yet. [Just Jared]
- R. Kelly admits he's illiterate but also the "Greatest Writer of All Time." Why not? [Celebslam]
- Reggie Bush looks so thrilled to be back with Kim Kardashian. So thrilled. [PopSugar]
- David Letterman used to take his mistress/assistant on family vacations. Now those are some balls. [The Blemish]
- Kourtney Kardashian is having a boy which proves the Kardashian sisters have to have a penis in them at all times. Least surprising fact ever. I know. [ICYDK]
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Oct 7 2009Eliza Dushku does Letterman
Probably should've rethought that headline... Anyway, here's Eliza Dushku stopping by The Late Show with David Letterman last night in a tight outfit presumably to promote her show Dollhouse where her character also wears tight outfits and kicks the shit out of people. Anyone noticing a theme here? Yeah, me neither. I was staring at her chest the whole time. Hey, where'd all these words come from?
Scope Out (16) of Eliza After the Jump
Oct 2 2009Kim Kardashian & Olivia Wilde do Letterman
Because that Paul Shaffer song I made up creeped me out, here's Kim Kardashian and Olivia Wilde showing off their respective asses outside of Ed Sullivan Theater last night. Keep in mind that both will kill you. One from sheer mass and volume, and the other from a heat not unlike the surface of the sun. Which is why I made a full body suit out of oven mitts. Olivia?
Scope Out (32) Pics of Kim & Olivia After the Jump
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Oct 2 2009David Letterman stuck his penis in things. Also, something about extortion.
David Letterman candidly revealed on his show last night that he was involved in a sting operation to stop a $2 million blackmail/extortion plot revolving around affairs he had with staffers, according to PopEater:
"In the back seat of my car, there's a package that I don't recognize. What this is is a guy is going to write a screenplay about me and he's going to take all the terrible stuff that he knows about my life and he's going to put it into a movie unless I give him some money," Letterman explained to the audience.
"Now of course we get to what is it. What was all the creepy stuff that he was going to put into the screenplay and the movie, and the creepy stuff that I had ... sex with women who work for me on the show. Now, my response to that is yes, I have," he continued.
CBS has confirmed the extortionist was a former 48 Hours producer Joe Halderman who RadarOnline reports lived with one of the staffers Letterman had sex with:
The affair happened a long time ago, before his son Harry was born, and before he got married, but he was living with his wife to be at the time.
Halderman needed money police say and decided to target Letterman.
The woman still works on the show but is no longer involved with David.
You know what the worst part about this whole ordeal is? I keep envisioning Paul Shaffer standing there with a keyboard during each romantic interlude:
And that's Dave coming, that's Dave coming, that's Daaaaaaaave coming.
Now go call a cab. Doo waa!
Scope Out Dave's Monologue After the Jump
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Aug 19 2009Britney Spears does Letterman Top 10. In a bikini.
Making it four days in a row now, Britney Spears presented the Top Ten list on Letterman last night wearing a black bikini and sitting on a desk. Which, combined with the extra ten pounds the camera adds, probably wasn't the smartest idea but then again we're dealing with Britney Spears who probably wanted to wear a duck suit. Here's the list:
Top Ten Ways the Country Would be Different if Britney Spears Were President
10. I'd be the first president to wear eye shadow since Nixon.
9. We would only invade fun places like Cabo.
8. Free pie for everybody.
7. My situation room would be a cabana at the Palms Casino in Las Vegas.
6. I'd lure Osama out of hiding with the irresistble scent of my new fragrance "Circus Fantasy."
5. Every presidential news conference would feature costume changes.
4. America might have a more coherent fiscal strategy.
3. Challenge U.S. to put nightclub on the moon by the end of the decade.
2. Three words: Vice president Diddy.
1. Finally the media would pay some attention to me.
Of course, the only funny part of this whole sketch is that I actually watched it and transcribed the entire list. HA! Jokes on me. *puts gun in mouth*
Continue Reading "Britney Spears does Letterman Top 10. In a bikini."
Jul 17 2009Anna Paquin visits Letterman
Anna Paquin stopped by The Late Show last night to promote the HBO series True Blood which I do not recommend to Twilight fans. Mostly because it'd be like pulling a kid out of Chuck E. Cheese and plunking him down in a strip club. Coincidentally, something similar occurred on my eighth birthday, but fortunately, I turned out alright. Now who wants to stare at tits all day instead of being a productive member of society? WOO!
Scope Out (12) Pics of Anna Plus Video After the Jump
Jul 9 2009Emma Watson talks wardrobe malfunctions on Letterman
Emma Watson stopped by The Late Show last night where Dave brought up her "wardrobe malfunction" at the Tuesday premiere of Harry Potter which she handled nicely. Now, how is it that Emma, who's the exact same age as Hayden Panettiere, can give an interview without making me want to shove a blowtorch in my ear? Are the British really more interesting than Americans? Or is Hayden just a weird midget who secretly wants to birth a dolphin? I bet it's that last one.
Scope Out (12) Pics of Emma Plus Video After the Jump
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Jul 7 2009Hayden Panettiere is wearing a thong
Hayden Panettiere stopped by Letterman last night wearing a partially see-through black dress which was kind of awesome. Unfortunately, what wasn't so awesome is hearing her talk. And that's not a misogynstic joke or anything. She's just really, really boring. I tried to pay attention to her go on about dolphins, but all I wanted to do was shove a gun in my mouth and pray for sweet death. Honestly, I don't know how Dave does it. Besides the fact he makes enough money to go home, shove his feet in two dolphin's blowholes and wear them as slippers while skeet-shooting Heroes DVDs. That's probably it.
Scope Out (20) Pics of Hayden Plus Video After the Jump
