Jul 20 2009Britney Spears still hates bras and other news
- Adam Yauch of the Beastie Boys has cancer. I thought I'd start off depressing then work my way up. [PopEater]
- Gwyneth Paltrow is pissed Scarlet Johansson made the cover of Entertainment Weekly for Iron Man 2 and she didn't. Although, in Scarlett's defense, listening to her talk would be worth the sex. Gwyneth... I dunno. [The Blemish]
- John Mayer knows the way into Jessica Simpson's heart/breasts. And it doesn't involve steak. I'm speechless. [Lainey Gossip]
- Jeffrey Donovan blames Benadryl for his DUI. [Just Jared]
- Lindsay Lohan attempts to ward off the paparazzi with a squirt gun. I guess Sam's penis wasn't nearby. Who knows? [Celebslam]
- Tom Cruise went clubbing with the Beckhams last night. I wonder what's that like? Besides the perpetual hiding of ACME dynamite in Victoria's purse. Ha, that wascally Tom. [PopSugar]
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Jul 16 2009Pamela Anderson is classy and other news
- Ivanka Trump is engaged. Great. Now where am I going to find a young, billionaire sugar mama with awesome breasts? Even if Donald makes another baby today, I'll be almost 50 by the time's it 18 which means I'll have to be the rich one. Stupid cockblocking capitalism, I hate you! [PopEater]
- Adrian Grenier and Ashley Greene continue to pretend they're not dating. Sort of like how Emmanuelle Chriqui and me are rocking it. I mean, not rocking it. Wink. [Lainey Gossip]
- Michael Jackson apparently had an insane collection of naked actresses from the 20s to today. -- Christ, he was misunderstood. [The Blemish]
- Gerard Butler is getting tired of rumors that he's dating Jennifer Aniston. For the last time, people, he's only sleeping with her when he's drunk. How about a little respect? [Just Jared]
- Batista of the WWE rocks a Speedo on the beach if you're into that sort of thing. Rupert Everett. I went there. [Celebslam]
- Taylor Lautner talks about bulking up so he could keep his role in New Moon. Meanwhile, Robert Pattinson skipped showering for the eighth day in a row and banged 25 women in his hotel room because the universe is a bitch. [PopSugar]
- David Beckham's kids want tattoos just like him. Really? Have they looked at their mother? Because that's what David's tattoos got him: Falcor with Breast Inflating Action. [ICYDK]
Jul 10 2009Megan Fox's ass is awesome and other news
- Artie Lange was busted for DUI this afternoon. Wow. It took that long to pick this guy up for driving under the influence? Was the officer feeling lazy today or something? "Hmm... One ticket short. What's Artie Lange doing?" [PopEater]
- Angelina Jolie flew Shiloh and Zahara on her private plane making her the coolest mom ever. Until she pulls a JFK Jr. -- Too soon? [Just Jared]
- Lindsay Lohan continues to be a walking object lesson on the dangers of snorting blow then Tweeting. [Lainey Gossip]
- Paris Hilton showed up in court today to defend herself against a lawsuit that she didn't properly promote National Lampoon's Pledge This! I don't get it. Paris Hilton disassociating herself is probably the best thing she could've done for this movie. Short of literally dying in the middle of it. [The Blemish]
- David Beckham named his son after Tom Cruise. I'm going to assume this was the only way to rebuff his advances. Nothing like the ol' "How about we not have butt sex and I name my kid after you?" maneuver. Works every time. [Celebslam]
- Rachael Ray underwent vocal chord surgery and will be unable to speak for a few weeks. But she can still cook and therefore should marry me provided she agrees not too seek alimony in the divorce next month. [ICYDK]
- Joe Simpson wants Ashlee to make an album of Michael Jackson covers. Wow. I didn't think this guy could do anything worse than be obsessed with his daughters' breasts, but hats off to you Joe. You pulled it off. [PopSugar]
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Jul 6 2009Kim Kardashian just lowered property values
- Lauren Conrad claims Ryan Gosling hit on her. Does he like them boring? I forget. [Lainey Gossip]
- Jenna Fischer is engaged. That's what she said. (See what I did there?) [PopEater]
- Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel aren't broken up. Just unhappily drifting through life's menial chores together. Whee? [Just Jared]
- Janice Dickinson still attracts men. -- I'm assuming large promises of cash are involved. Followed by roofies when that doesn't work. [Celebslam]
- Josh Duhamel admits he's climbed on the pole before. Wow. That's just too easy. You know, because Fergie has a penis. [The Blemish]
- Heidi Klum's child will not go hungry. Enough said. [PopSugar]
- Angelina Jolie and David Beckham might be making weird Armani ads together. Somewhere Tom Cruise is wondering what Angelina's got they he doesn't have. Besides the ability to not require a booster seat. [I'm Not Obsessed]
Jun 11 2009David Beckham holding a giant rope in his underwear
David Beckham unveiled his new Armani ad on Oxford St. in London this morning, and I'd probably be enticed to buy these briefs if I was part of the target demographic. Sadly, for Armani, I'm not a gay sailor on the S.S. Ropecock.
Scope Out (12) Pics of David After the Jump
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Feb 4 2009David & Victoria Beckham leaving America?
David Beckham is looking to ditch the LA Galaxy soccer team and stay with Italian team AC Milan who he just might take to the championships. Galaxy owners want David back before the start of their season, but he has an escape clause that could allow him to end his five-year contract early. The LA Times reports:
"Milan will do everything to have Beckham even after March. It is clear that it's our wish to have him until the end of the season [May 31] or on a permanent deal."
The Galaxy has insisted that Beckham must return by March 9 for the beginning of the Major League Soccer season, and Galliani admitted that the MLS club is fully within its rights in doing so.
"There's always a hope, but contracts should be honored," he said. "If the Galaxy wants to talk, we would be very happy to try. But . . . they are in the right. Beckham must return to America on March 9. Let's wait."
The British tabloids report Victoria Beckham is already scoping out homes and schools in Italy, so these people are looking to get the hell out. Which makes total sense. With Tom Cruise in Brazil, now's the time to flee the country. That way, there's no chance he'll smuggle himself inside a vase and pop out at their new home. "Surprise! Who wants E-meters and tongue baths! I mean, just E-meters. - - And tongue baths."
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Jan 14 2009Victoria Beckham does sexy stuff for Armani
Victoria Beckham scored a multi-million deal with Armani late last year and these are the first ads from her campaign. I call this one "Tom Cruise Stops By the Beckham House at an Inopportune Time. Flips the Fuck Out." I don't know how that'll sell clothes, but what do I know? Besides everything.
EDIT: Included David Beckham's ad for the ladies. It's what Jesus would do.
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Dec 10 2008David Beckham or Josh Hartnett?
Alright, ladies, there's been an abundance of strippers today, so here's two men who went out and engaged in completely opposite activities last night: David Beckham bungee jumped in New Zealand while Josh Hartnett went to The Groucho Club in London. So which one floats your boat and the mythical little man who "allegedly" lives there?
NOTE: If it helps in the decision making process, I spent my evening wearing footie pajamas and drinking canned beer. Please don't hold these two to such unobtainable standards of raw sexuality. (You're welcome, fellas.)
