Nov 29 2008Madonna & A-Rod start 'No Married People Club,' Gwyneth Paltrow invited to join

After word got out that Alex "A-Rod" Rodriquez was bailing on his kids to eat turkey with Madonna, he denied the reports and took his ex-wife Cynthia and their daughters out to eat Tuesday night right in front of the paparazzi (above). Ultimately, A-Rod did eat Thanksgiving dinner with his family in Miami, but then bolted to Madonna's mansion to encourage Gwyneth Paltrow to become an adulterer - just like that Charlie Brown special! NY Daily News reports:

The third baseman hopped into his black Porsche around 4p.m. and sped off to Star Island - where Madonna has a home.
Sources say he is staying there while he's in town, and witnesses saw his car parked there overnight.
Later, the kabbalah cronies celebrated at the estate of Jeff Soffer, the bachelor billionaire who reportedly has come between Gwyneth Paltrow and rocker hubby Chris Martin.
Feeding speculation that Paltrow and Martin are ready to split, Paltrow has been staying at Soffer's Indian Creek Island mansion and spent Thanksgiving with him, sources said.
"Gwyneth has confided to friends she and Chris are taking a break," a source claimed. "Jeff is crazy about her."

Also, in case there were any doubts Madonna and A-Rod are having unholy relations, he was spotted Wednesday night handing her a water bottle at her concert, according to E! News:

As Madonna completed her second song before a sell-out crowd in Miami's Dolphin Stadium Wednesday night, New York Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez handed her a bottle of water.
"It was easy for him to hand it off because he was sitting in the front row," a witness tells E! News. "He was all excited watching her perform."
And, just like that, Madonna acknowledged in public, less than a week after her quickie divorce from Guy Ritchie, that A-Rod is indeed the superfan (and waterboy) he's reportedly been for most of this year in private.

He handed her a water bottle?! Oh yeah, these two are fucking. In fact, I'm surprised they even had time to exchange bottles of water. That's how much they're fucking. Trust me, I know these things. I have a Ph.D. in Who's Doing the Fucking. Okay, technically it's an old pizza box with "Dr. Naked Stuff" written in Elmer's Glue and glitter, but still, ladies?

Continue Reading "Madonna & A-Rod start 'No Married People Club,' Gwyneth Paltrow invited to join"

Nov 25 2008A-Rod ditches his kids for Madonna on Thanksgiving

Usually, after leaving your wife in a highly-publicized divorce, it's important to let your kids know you still love them. Especially around the holidays. Or you can go the A-Rod route and totally bail on them to eat turkey with your Cryptkeeper mistress. Father of the Year, folks. Page Six reports:

The Yankee slugger, who ditched his wife of six years, Cynthia, after becoming besotted with Madonna, is a "soul-less" man who is "abandoning" his kids on Thanksgiving for his lover, according to what Cynthia is telling friends.
"Access Hollywood" reports that Cynthia, who's in the final stages of her divorce from A-Rod, wrote an e-mail to a confidant noting: "My 6-foot-3, 220-pound soul-less, soon-to-be ex-husband is abandoning his kids on Thanksgiving to be with Madonna . . . She called and he ran on her command back to New York City . . . Gross!"
To add insult to injury, after Rodriguez left Miami at Madonna's beck and call, his lawyer called Cynthia and wanted her to sign the couple's divorce settlement.

You know what? I have to give Cynthia Rodriguez some credit. How many of you ladies wouldn't have downed a bottle of pills if your man left you for a woman who, by all legal definitions, is a corpse? That's gotta hurt. I'm sure the shitloads of money is helping, but still, underneath Cynthia's gold-digging exterior is a beating heart - I think. Maybe. I'll get back to you on that.

UPDATE: Nope. Just a credit card for Tiffany's, a stack of Euros and some china. False alarm!

Continue Reading "A-Rod ditches his kids for Madonna on Thanksgiving"

Sep 19 2008A-Rod and wife settle divorce

Alex "A-Rod" Rodriguez has reached a private divorce settlement with his wife Cynthia. Their marriage publicly fell apart when it was discovered that A-Rod loves banging strippers and the occasional mummy. Cynthia was looking for a huge chunk of change to maintain the "high standard of living" she's accustomed to, but unfortunately for her, she signed a prenup, according to NY Daily News:

"Cynthia and Alex Rodriguez have amicably resolved their dissolution of marriage proceedings," read a terse statement released by the superstar ball player's lawyer, Alan Kluger.
"They deliberately engaged in a private negotiation," Kluger said. "This was and remains a personal family matter for both of them. All of their decisions were based upon and guided by the best interests of their daughters."

I hope Madonna's happy. Actually, I know she's happy because, every time a couple gets a divorce, Madonna eats a baby. Where did I read that? Oh, right: THE BIBLE.

Jul 31 2008A-Rod to Cynthia Rodriguez: Remember that prenup you signed...

New York Yankee Alex "A-Rod" Rodriguez's lawyers responded to Cynthia Rodriguez's divorce petition today. Cynthia was asking for "the couple's $12 million waterfront estate and 'equitable distribution' of all assets acquired during the marriage." Except she signed a prenup which A-Rod is sticking to. He's also pushing to have allegations of extramarital affairs stricken from the record because Florida is a no-fault divorce state making the claims "immaterial and impertinent." Also, he doesn't want it legally documented that he banged Madonna. NY Daily News reports:

Rodriguez, whose 10-year, $275 million contract with the Yankees makes him baseball's highest-paid player, says several times in the response he wants the prenup enforced.
"Husband denies any duty to support wife beyond those obligations specifically set out in the parties' prenuptial agreement," the papers say. What those terms are wasn't immediately known, but apparently they don't suit Cynthia. If he has to go to court to fight her challenge to the prenup and wins, he says he's entitled to recover from his wife any "reasonable attorney's fees and costs" he incurs.

It sounds like A-Rod doesn't fuck around. Not counting all those strippers and the Crypt Keeper.

Jul 21 2008A-Rod 'emotionally abused' by wife, says his friends and other people who now have season tickets for the Yanks

There's been a lot of finger pointing at Alex "A-Rod" Rodriguez's extramarital activities (possibly in or around Madonna's vagina) as the cause of his divorce. But guess again! According to his close friends, it was all Cynthia's fault. GASP! NY Daily News reports:

"He's had several therapists. Cynthia has a master's degree in psychology. Once she found out how vulnerable he was, she got into his head. Several of us begged him not to marry this woman, but he did it anyway."
"She said she wanted him to become a mainstream sports star," says a source. "She didn't want him typecast as a Latin player. She discouraged him from taking part in Hispanic community events."
"She wouldn't even let him eat Spanish food," claims another source. "She didn't like him hanging out with old buddies from Washington Heights."
"He said, ‘I hate this. I want out,' but she kept insisting they could work it out," says a source. "After about six months of him asking for a divorce, she said it was okay for him to see other people, but she wouldn't agree to a separation." Says another pal: "Cynthia brainwashed him, not Madonna."

So, basically, Cynthia used her masters in psychology to "brainwash" A-Rod into not eating Spanish food and screwing other women. Yeah, that's some diabolical shit. There's nothing men hate more than avoiding spicy food and getting laid a lot. Jesus. Is there divorce finalized yet? Because I'm about to propose to this chick before Lenny Kravitz beats me to it, and then we have to guitar battle on top of a volcano. So annoying...

Jul 10 2008A-Rod's stripper mistress comes forward - to support Cynthia (Ha ha!)

One of A-Rod's stripper mistresses, Candace Houlihan of Boston (above), has come forward with her story about sleeping with the Yankee and supports Cynthia Rodriguez's decision to kick him to the curb. The Boston Herald reports:

On A-Rod's divorce:
“A leopard doesn’t change his spots. Good for her, I think she’s doing the smart thing. And she’ll probably get tons of cash.” She says A-Rod was a player when she met him four years ago at Fenway Park.

On hooking up with A-Rod:
Candice said she told Rodriguez she’d be at Saint after the game and sure enough, he showed up at the Back Bay club - wedding ring and all!
“It was killing me and I felt bad afterwards,” she said. “I’m not a bad person. I know how it feels to be cheated on, it sucks. But a couple of drinks later, I didn’t notice all that much, to tell you the truth.”

On the day after:
Houlihan said she and her girlfriends Googled A-Rod the next day and she was shocked to find out that his wife was pregnant with their first child.
“We were all freaking out,” she said.

There's nothing like the bond of sisterhood between jilted ex-wife and the stripper that banged your husband. They really should make a Hallmark movie about these two and give it a dramatic title. Something that catches your eye, yet plays to housewives and the Bible. I'm thinking: "Bitches with Pythons: A Journey of Chick Stuff and Let's Assume Cooking."

Continue Reading "A-Rod's stripper mistress comes forward - to support Cynthia (Ha ha!)"

Jul 9 2008Lenny Kravitz pissed he got dragged into A-Rod fiasco

Lenny Kravitz is pissed that he ended up tied into A-Rod's divorce and blames his ex-manager Guy Oseary. Guy manages Madonna and A-Rod and was fired by Lenny two weeks ago when he learned Guy had a publicity stunt cooked up, according to Page Six:

Romero called Kravitz two weeks ago to tip him off that Oseary - who managed Kravitz, Madonna and A-Rod - was about to "pimp out Madonna and A-Rod," said a source. But Kravitz didn't approve and told Romero, "I'll take care of this" - and fired Oseary.... Romero believes Oseary planted the story in retaliation for being dumped.
Kravitz, Cynthia Rodriguez and Romero were all in Kravitz's tour bus when the reports broke in Paris. "Lenny looked like he was going to throw up," Romero told the Post. "Lenny said, 'I worked so hard to clean up my image and now I'm gonna get dragged into this.' "

Oh, poor Lenny Kravitz. Now people are going to think he's a cool rock star that gets laid. That's gotta smarts and, believe me, I know. People think I'm this awesome blogger who's constantly draped with nude supermodels and writes posts from a flying Lamborghini with a hot tub. Honestly, I don't know where they get this stuff. It's a Ferrari.

Jul 8 2008A-Rod's wife blew $100G before filing for divorce

Cynthia Rodriguez decided a simple financially-crippling divorce wasn't enough to pay A-Rod back for spelunking Madonna's dusty tomb. So, last week Cynthia took off to Paris and dropped a hundred grand on his credit cards then started spreading rumors she was nailing Lenny Kravitz, according to NY Daily News:

"She's been spending wildly," the friend said. "She spent close to $100,000 on her jaunt to Paris."
Cynthia flew the godparents of her daughters, Dodd and Sabina Romero, and their older daughter, first-class to the City of Light, the friend said. There, Cynthia "had spa treatments, she went to the best restaurants," the A-Rod friend said. "She originally was going to head to Spain, where Lenny Kravitz was touring."

Somehow I don't think any of this fazed A-Rod. I mean, the guy had sex with Madonna which I'm pretty sure is legal grounds to declare him full-blown retarded. In the meantime, A-Rod probably makes $2 billion just by picking up a bat, so Cynthia's little spending spree was a drop in the bucket. On a related note, going by my current salary I'll eventually make $100,000 by the year 102,008. Bitchin'! I'm buying rocket boots.

Continue Reading "A-Rod's wife blew $100G before filing for divorce"