Oct 23 2008Gary Busey was very protective of his cocaine

I have no idea how Gary Busey got a reputation as an out-of-control drug addict back in the day. From the way he describes it, he was perfectly reasonable in his approach to intoxicants. According to the National Enquirer:

Wildman Gary Busey had bottomed out big time when he went bow-wow-wowing for coke!
The Buddy Holly Story star who claims he's been sober for years admits he went cuckoo for canine after his dog rolled in the priceless china white.
"I went in like a crop-duster with my nose flying first and snorted the cocaine off the dog," Busey said in a recent interview.
But Busey got more than coke up his nose as he snorted dog stuff up as well.
"You get a little bugs, you get little hairs, you get grease and goo from the ground; it's not at all a healthy thing to do.
"But when you're an addict, you don't think of health, you think about destruction of yourself unconsciously."

That just seems like not being wasteful to me, but then that's just the way I was raised. Whenever I tried to push the coke mirror away from me at the dinner table my mother would say, "Do you know how many children in Africa who go to bed every night without any blow? Three million, 287 thousand, four hundred and twenty two. And I'm controlling each and every one of them right now with my brain waves."

*Sniff* That woman was a saint!

Continue Reading "Gary Busey was very protective of his cocaine"

Nov 19 2007Sophie Anderton is kind of famous, also a prostitute

You probably don't know who Sophie Anderton is, but she's a lingerie model and reality TV star in the UK. Not only that, apparently she's also a prostitute and does a ton of drugs. Awesome, I know. News of the World sent an undercover reporter to request her services and this is what they came back with:

When our reporter—posing as a potential client—declined [an offer of cocaine] she pulled a wrap out of her designer handbag, made lines on the coffee table and snorted them through a rolled-up £20 note. Then she called her dealer to the room and tried to get our man to buy two grams of the drug.

As name-dropping Sophie desperately tried to sell her body, throughout the meeting she:

* BOASTED about being on last year's I'm A Celeb before BITCHING about the current contestants.
* TORE into rival supermodel Kate Moss, branding her a "f***ing nightmare".
* DISHED the dirt on how she had her pal Prince Andrew rolling about with laughter at a party by INSULTING Harrods owner Mohamed al-Fayed.
* DEMANDED £15,000 a night for a WEEKEND of sex in the BAHAMAS with her and a hooker friend.
* HOOVERED up three lines of cocaine.

I've been saying supermodels should be role models for years, and I'm just glad they're building my case for me. Sure, Mother Teresa was a pretty neat gal, but did she ever do lines of cocaine and then offer to have sex with you for money? Role model? More like role douchebag! Ha! Anyway, you can check out some more pictures and video of Sophie Anderton doing whatever it is prostitutes do at the News of the World site. They're extremely NSFW which means they're also extremely awesome.

NOTE: I added some pictures of Sophie Anderton not knowing how to walk because, you know, I figure she's not embarrassed enough as it is.

Sep 27 2007Lindsay Lohan stole coke from Steve-O

In case you were wondering how much Lindsay Lohan loves coke, she’ll stoop to hanging out with Steve-O to get it. And by get it, I mean steal it. Steve-O was on Howard Stern yesterday and told listeners about Lindsay’s heist. Page Six reports:

Lohan took what he called the "Boog Suge" from him after she forgot her wallet in his bathroom and came back to his place to get it. There's even proof she was there - Lohan had to sign a release while at Steve-O's house for a DVD he was filming at the time.

I just thought of a brilliant idea. CIA, listen up, you’ll want to hear to this: Somebody should tell Lindsay Lohan that Osama Bin Laden has a stray bag of blow hanging around - prime for the snatching. She’ll find him in five minutes flat. Bam! Terrorism solved. Whatever few Al Qaeda members are left, I’ll handle. When they come for Osama, I’ll simply flex and the sheer shockwave will send them careening into the cosmos. I really hope someone at the Pentagon is writing this down.

Aug 23 2007Lindsay Lohan gets one day in jail

Lindsay Lohan has struck a deal by pleading no contest to two counts of DUI and will serve 10 days community service and one day in jail (the minimum sentence of four days was cut in half by the judge, and she was also credited one day for the time served when she was arrested). Lindsay also pleaded guilty to two counts of being under the influence of a controlled substance and pled no contest to reckless driving. The judge ordered Lindsay to serve 36 months probation and attend an alcohol education program for 18 months, as well as enroll in a drug program and "not to associate with people with controlled substances." Lindsay issued the following statement:

"It is clear to me that my life has become completely unmanageable because I am addicted to alcohol and drugs.

Recently, I relapsed and did things for which I am ashamed. I broke the law, and today I took responsibility by pleading guilty to the charges in my case. No matter what I said when I was under the influence on the day I was arrested, I am not blaming anyone else for my conduct other than myself. I thank God I did not injure others. I easily could have.

I very much want to be healthy and gain control of my life and career and have asked for medical help in doing so. I am taking these steps to improve my life. Luckily, I am not alone in my daily struggle and I know that people like me have succeeded. Maybe with time it will become easier. I hope so."

She sounds pretty serious about getting healthy, but one day in jail? For seven misdemeanors, including driving with a blood alcohol level almost double the legal limit and trying to run somebody down in her car? I waved at a police officer the wrong way once and got a worse sentence.

Aug 23 2007Lindsay Lohan charged with double DUI’s

While Lindsay Lohan may have ducked felony cocaine charges, she was charged today with seven misdemeanors, including two counts of driving under the influence and misdemeanor possession of coke. TMZ says:

Lohan, who was busted twice since Memorial Day weekend, was charged with two counts of driving under the influence. If convicted of both, she'd face a minimum of four days in jail. If a felony were filed, Lohan could have faced several years in state prison.

TMZ goes on to explain why Lindsay only received a misdemeanor drug charge:

In Lohan's case, the fact that she was busted twice in a short period of time actually helped her. It shows someone is struggling with an addiction problem. The fact that each time she was busted, she immediately checked into a rehab facility also helped her case. Also, her age - 21 - and the fact that her upbringing was extremely unstable - also worked in her favor.

It really says a lot when the law enforcement community agrees that Dina Lohan’s parenting causes crime. Soon we’ll find out that police officers have the right to use deadly force if they spot her within 100 yards of a school. Of course legend has it she can only be killed when her youngest son Cody forgets her morning gin and tonic. That, my friends, is when we’ll strike. Then, and only then, will the fire-crotched lass truly be free.

Aug 22 2007Pete Doherty ducks cocaine charges

Is coke still illegal? Pete Doherty also escaped drug charges yesterday, Reuters reports:

‘The case has been dropped on a legal technicality: no conviction has been recorded,’ prosecutor Anjulika Vatish told reporters outside West London Magistrates' Court. ‘Mr Doherty was arrested on 20 August at 2:35 a.m. and so the court has no jurisdiction to deal with this matter any more,’ Vatish had earlier told the court.

Let me explain the legal conundrum here that will totally blow your mind: You can’t arrest Pete Doherty for cocaine because Pete Doherty is cocaine. He is a walking, talking pile of blow with a ridiculous hat and a record deal. Which makes sense because musicians love coke. Where did I read that? Oh yeah, the Bible.

Aug 22 2007Lindsay Lohan ducks cocaine charges

Law enforcement sources say Lindsay Lohan is not going to be charged with cocaine possession in connection with her two DUI arrests. TMZ reports:

We're told charges may be filed tomorrow, and the D.A. is leaning toward rejecting three possible felonies. Sources say the D.A. almost certainly will not file cocaine charges in connection with her DUI bust Memorial Day weekend in Beverly Hills. As for her July 24 arrest in Santa Monica, the D.A. could charge her with felony cocaine possession, and bringing cocaine into a correctional facility - also a felony. But we're told that the D.A. is inclined not to file those felony charges either.

I’m pretty sure Lindsay could roll up the Constitution and use it to snort a mile-long line in front of the entire Supreme Court and still not get charged with coke possession. Maybe it’s out of respect for her family’s proud heritage of drug use. Lohans have been snorting coke since they crashed their schooner into the Mayflower. People might question the historical accuracy of this post, but would I actually write something that wasn’t true? I don’t think so. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go have sex with Wonder Woman - in outer space!

Jul 25 2007Lindsay Lohan is innocent

In the shocker of all shockers, Lindsay Lohan claims she's innocent and that the cocaine found in her pocket wasn't hers. She was asked by Access Hollywood if there was anything she wanted to get out there about her arrest and she responded via email:

"Yes. I am innocent... did not do drugs they're not mine. I was almost hit by my assistant Tarin's mom. I appreciate everyone giving me my privacy."

To be fair, I carry around other people's cocaine in my pockets all the time. Sometimes I even carry it around in my nose. That's true friendship, man. You wouldn't even understand. Besides, she was pulled over drunk and driving and carrying drugs in her pocket. The only way she could be any less innocent is if she was also carrying a knife with a severed head attached to it.