Nov 20 2009Carrie Prejean's brother: 'I'd watch her sex tape'
I never thought I'd find myself feeling sorry for Carrie Prejean, but Jesus Christ. Via RadarOnline:
Billy did come to his sister's defense once again:"It was from a cell phone, it was supposed to be totally confidential. I think people should move on."
Still, even he admits that he would watch the tapes if they were published: "If they were put in front of me I'd probably watch it."
I don't have a sister, but if I did, I guarantee I'd immediately kidney punch whoever put a video of her spelunking her Jesus cave in front of me. Unless they were only joking and it was really my first cousin. It's not like you can make a one-arm baby just looking at a sex tape. Alabama knows what I'm talking about.
Nov 19 2009Donald Trump to Carrie Prejean: 'Do porn.'
After throwing a hissy fit on Larry King Live and getting caught in several lies about her solo vaginal adventures, Carrie Prejean has turned to Donald Trump in a last ditch plea for advice. He responded with nothing less than pure wisdom. Via Page Six:
"Maybe," Mr. Trump said only half-jokingly, "she should become a major porn star, make millions of dollars, and give it to worthy causes."
If there's truly a God in Heaven, there's no way he didn't hear that and go, "Yeah, all that stuff. Make that stuff happen. Why'd I let this guy go bald again?"
Nov 18 2009Shauna Sand to Carrie Prejean: 'Sell the tape!'
Because she's a mother, first, and a pornographer, second - but mostly both at the same time - Shauna Sand wrote a letter to Carrie Prejean encouraging her to save herself a mountain of legal fees and just let Vivid Entertainment's Steven Hirsch buy the rights to her sex tape. Via TMZ:
I told Steven that I wanted to eliminate any compensation to the third party since it was my movie that I not only starred in, but also directed and added the music to. I also told him that I wanted to be involved in the marketing of the movie as I really cared about it.
I'm really glad I made that decision. I'm proud of my body and of the passion that I felt during the making of the movie which became "Shauna Sand Exposed."
Why don't you consider taking control yourself and handle this situation on your own terms so that you are in the driver's seat. It all starts with a telephone call to Steven to find out what your options are. I'd be happy to talk to you one-on-one about how I did it.
Anyone at all surprised to find out Shauna Sand spends her free time adding music to her own homemade porn? I didn't even know that was a quality you could look for in a woman. My God, so many years wasted doing it all wrong... It ends TODAY!
Continue Reading "Shauna Sand to Carrie Prejean: 'Sell the tape!'"
Nov 13 2009UPDATE: Carrie Prejean made 8 sex tapes, 30 nude photos
Carrie Prejean called the sex tape she tried to coerce a boyfriend into covering up "the biggest mistake of her life." Turns out it was one out of almost 40, according to RadarOnline:
Now a RadarOnline.com investigation has uncovered that there are SEVEN more "biggest mistakes" of her life - all of them solo performances, just like the one sex tape that the religious beauty queen has admitted to. And there are 30 photos of Carrie, most topless, some showing everything, and most taken by Carrie using her reflection in a mirror.
On one tape Carrie is wearing just a flowing white blouse as she touches her own body in an alluring manner. Carrie can be heard moaning on a few of the tapes.
In her newly released book Carrie wrote, "God gave us our bodies, and it's perfectly right that we use them in ways where we can give glory to God by making our bodies, our temples of the Holy Spirit, strong and fast."
Carrie Prejean, you and I started off on the wrong foot. So what say we go out to eat, maybe catch a Kirk Cameron movie then sit in front of my webcam and see what happens? I'll even pretend to convert to Christianity if that'll smooth things over. Trust me, I'll be really convincing. Watch: "Baby Jesus had strong little legs that helped him outrun dinosaurs." BOOM-SHAKA-LAKA! Nailed that shit.
UPDATE: Vivid Entertainment already has the first tape and is attempting to negotiate its release with Carrie Prejean, according to TMZ. Now would be a good time to pray.
Continue Reading "UPDATE: Carrie Prejean made 8 sex tapes, 30 nude photos"
Nov 12 2009Carrie Prejean asked her ex to lie about sex tape
While she was on Larry King Live just last night threatening to walk off and repeating the line that she was only a teenager when she filmed herself masturbating for a boyfriend, Carrie Prejean's ex tells TMZ her people called him weeks ago pressuring him to say she was 17 at the time of the video:
During an audio interview with TMZ, the man -- who asked us not to reveal his identity -- says Carrie sent him the video when they were involved with each other in 2007. He says Carrie sent him numerous explicit videos and insists the one in question was shot when she was 20.
Alright, that does it. Let's cut to the dark, twisted core of this bullshit. Namely TMZ breaking this story 10 hours ago, yet no one has flooded the Internet with videos of a legal age Carrie Prejean diddling herself. What happened to you, Internet? You've changed.
Scope Out Candid Pics of Carrie Prejean in San Diego After the Jump
Continue Reading "Carrie Prejean asked her ex to lie about sex tape"
Nov 11 2009Donald Trump: 'Carrie Prejean leaked sex tape for publicity'
Donald Trump threw Carrie Prejean under the bus yesterday by commenting on the convenience of her sex tape being revealed just in time for the release of her book. Via Extra:
"She's trying to act like she's a nun... so maybe she should release the sex tape and people would see whether or not she is a nun," Donald tells "Extra."
At the end of the day, Trump chalks up Carrie's revelations to self-promotion.
"She's trying to sell a book," Trump explains. "She's doing the best she can... I can't imagine too many people would be interested in it, but you never know what sells these days."
Of course, I should point out Donald's Miss USA Organization gets a cut of Carrie's book, so he basically played both sides and cashed in like the savvy bastard is. He's probably enjoying the last laugh right now, or watching an HD copy of her sex tape while masturbating into a bucket of diamonds. Let's assume both.
Continue Reading "Donald Trump: 'Carrie Prejean leaked sex tape for publicity'"
Nov 10 2009Carrie Prejean admits sex tape exists
>Carrie Prejean appeared on Hannity last night where she acknowledged filming herself masturbating for a boyfriend, according to TMZ:
The former beauty queen told Sean she was just a teenager when she decided to send her boyfriend -- who she "loved and cared about" at the time -- the extremely intimate video of herself.
Carrie said she takes "full responsibility" for the "humiliating" tape.
Look, Carrie's hypocrisy is basically a dead horse at this point, so I'm only posting this for everyone convinced the Gay Mafia was coercing me to pretend the tape existed or else they'd Bedazzle my car. Also-- Hey, wait a minute. How'd all this IKEA furniture get in my living room? You bastards, THAT WASN'T PART OF THE DEAL!
Nov 9 2009Carrie Prejean crusades against pornography
Despite having already posed for topless photos and a sex tape featuring only herself, Carrie Prejean decided to criticize pornography in her upcoming book. TMZ reports:
"Unfortunately, pornography has become mainstreamed -- it rushes at us through big screens, portable screens; soft-core porn is on mainstream TV cable stations, hard-core porn is just a mouse click away on the internet, and the envelope of what seems acceptable seems to get pushed farther and farther as more and more people are exposed to this material.
The result is that girls grow up in a culture where it is hard to have an innocent, healthy, normal view of themselves, how they should behave, how they should act, and how they should dress."
Of course, conveniently left out of this book is the part where Carrie Prejean finger-banged herself on camera then lied to Donald Trump about the wind blowing her shirt open in front of a professional photographer. But, hey, it's not lying if you're doing it for Jesus. Amirite? On that note, if Carrie's book is successful, it'll open the door to an avalanche of literary gems I'm dying to read:
Wearing Bras: My Favorite! by Britney Spears
Protecting Your Kid's Privacy by Michael Lohan
Shitting on Toilets Instead of Cats by Amy Winehouse
Being Taken Seriously by Tila Tequila
How to Maintain a Clean and Healthy Vagina by Paris Hilton
Coherent Sentences by Sarah Palin
And, finally:
One Man's Journey of Never Locking His Prop Wife in an Abandoned Refrigerator Because Her Parents are Catholics and Must Be Suppressed, Heil, Xenu! by Dr. Thomas Cruise
