Oct 18 2009Kourtney Kardashian's house burglarized
Kourtney Kardashian's home was burglarized yesterday, according to People:
Approximately $108,000 in jewelry was stolen Saturday from Kardashian's Calabasas, Calif. home, Los Angeles County Sheriff Sgt. Kristy Criner tells PEOPLE.
"That's what was discovered missing in the initial investigation," Sgt. Criner says. "Sheriff's investigators and our crime lab are responding on the scene."
Coincidentally, this happened just 24 hours after Lindsay Lohan had another year tacked onto her probation. Now, I'm not saying she did it, but let me ask you this: Who else could melt through a home security system with their vagina? Besides Paris Hilton. And Pamela Anderson. And, okay, Shauna Sand, Tila Tequila, Britney Spears, Spencer Pratt, Lady GaGa and probably that girl I was with last night. Besides all those people.
Sep 22 2009Lindsay Lohan knew burglary suspect
Lindsay Lohan allegedly was acquainted with the suspect arrested for breaking into her house and Audrina Patridge's earlier this year, according to TMZ:
Several people who worked with her on the movie "Labor Pains" -- which was shot last year -- tell TMZ they saw Nick Prugo hanging out on the set with Lindsay. One person who worked on the set estimates she saw them together at least 10 times.
Prugo -- who is 18 -- was arrested for cocaine possession last February. He pled guilty and was placed in a drug diversion program. He was also arrested last month for DUI.
We don't know if Prugo had been to Lindsay's house prior to the break-in.
Wait. He was busted for coke? She knew him. But feel free to check his penis for scorch marks if you feel the need to be redundant.
Aug 28 2009Lindsay Lohan robbed herself: Exhibit B
Seen here strung out as hell leaving Bardot last night, Lindsay Lohan's stolen safe is starting to become more and more convenient. Apparently inside was $2 millions worth of jewels she had on loan but, surprise, those pesky robbers took it. RadarOnline reports:
Lindsay had the jewels on loan from swanky Beverly Hills store, XIV Karats, from over two months ago but when asked to return the pricy baubles the Mean Girls star fessed up that she didn't have them.
"Lindsay claimed that they had been stolen from her safe," a source tells RadarOnline.com
"They've disappeared. XIV are not happy about it.
"The jewels were in Lindsay's care and they were only on a loaner, they were expected to be returned. If something is not resolved soon there will be legal action taken."
What I can't believe is that someone made a conscious decision to lend $2 mil in jewelry to Lindsay Lohan. Seriously, whoever took one look at her and said to themselves "Nope, these won't get bartered for coke" needs to not be responsible for lending precious jewels to customers. Or anything above pouring me a coffee at Starbucks.
Aug 27 2009Lindsay Lohan robbed her own house
Check out these surveillance shots of the burglary suspects outside Lindsay Lohan's home, and one of them looks familiar. In fact, even Lindsay knows who it is, according to her Twitter page:
that's how i know it was not a ROBBERY. electronics weren't taken... just things that a certain old friend knew meant a lot to me
8:57 PM Aug 25th from web
Yes, that certain old friend knew to go right for the nude pics and embarrassing legal documents, BECAUSE IT WAS YOU. Seriously, look at that first pic and tell me that's not Lindsay Lohan. Unfortunately, the camera didn't have infrared otherwise you'd see an abnormally high heat signature coming from the groin area, so now we're forced to rely on old-fashioned detective work. Namely pointing directly at a picture of Lindsay robbing her own house and saying "There she is."
Aug 26 2009Lindsay Lohan sex tape stolen during burglary
Apparently the safe stolen from Lindsay Lohan's home over the weekend is chock full of scandal-ly goodness, according to the Chicago Sun-Times:
I've learned the real reason Lindsay Lohan is so upset about the theft of the safe from her L.A. house is the contents included some very incriminating videos and photos, plus legal documents, that LiLo believes could cause embarrassment if made public.
Here's what I don't get: If during a lapse of judgment you made a sex tape that you never want to see the light of day, why not destroy it instead of keeping it around for someone to find? It's not like 50 years from now you're going to want to watch yourself drunkenly bang a stranger through the lens of a cellphone camera. Unless that's what old people do when nobody's looking which explains their shifty eyes... Grandma.
Continue Reading "Lindsay Lohan sex tape stolen during burglary"
Aug 24 2009Michael Lohan fights crime now
Because who better to fight crime than an alcoholic ex-con, Michael Lohan will be in LA to help catch the culprits who burglarized Lindsay's house yesterday. E! News reports:
"I am coming into town to work with private investigators in order to gather evidence which will be turned over to LAPD and the detectives assigned to the case," Lohan told E! News.
"This time, these evildoers will be caught."
So what exactly is Mike Lohan going to do in this situation? Emotionally abandon the perps to justice? "Hey, Mike, we found the guys." "Goddammit, I'm trying to watch the game."
Aug 23 2009Lindsay Lohan gets burglarized a lot
Lindsay Lohan's house was the target of another burglary early this morning except this time the perpetrators were actually successful. TMZ reports:
A source on scene tells TMZ that three men were captured by surveillance video breaking into Lindsay's house in the Hollywood Hills.
Michael Lohan tells TMZ a safe was ripped off the wall and a couple of watches were taken. He believes it's "an inside job" because the people that work for Lindsay failed to turn the alarm on. He says, "I am not going to put up with individuals violating my family. Lindsay is a charitable, generous person that always gives. This is a personal violation and it has got to stop."
We're told Lindsay came home early this morning, around 3:00 AM, discovered the break-in and called her dad.
There are two things that don't add up in this story: 1. Lindsay Lohan being a "charitable, generous person." 2. She called her dad in an emergency? I'm pretty sure Lindsay would turn to a masturbating hobo for comfort before seeking out Mike Lohan. Seriously, he's probably already on the phone with Jon Gosselin trying to spin it into a reality show as we speak:
MIKE: We'll call it "Dad's on Complete Opposite Coasts Who Can't Do Shit."
JON: Will I still get to bang homely women?
MIKE: Yes.
JON: SOLD!
May 15 2009Lindsay Lohan really was a burglary target. Whoops.
Turns out the supposed burglary attempt at Lindsay Lohan's house wasn't a false alarm after all. Police have released footage of two suspects outside her home who allegedly attempted to break in, according to People:
"While the driver stayed inside, the passenger suspect stepped out of the vehicle, walked through a gate and entered the backyard of the residence," say police, who are seeking the public's help in identifying the suspects.
"Investigators believed that the suspect tried to gain entry by using an unknown type tool to pry open a back window and door. After the unsuccessful attempt, the suspects drove off."
So, I'm going to come right out and say it, that's definitely Sam Lutfi in the surveilance photo. But if turns out it's not, who's to say it really isn't it? Eh? Think about that one for a bit then try to tell I'm wrong. You can't do it.
Continue Reading "Lindsay Lohan really was a burglary target. Whoops."
