Dec 29 2008Brody Jenner says he's not really all that gay

Apparently, when you star on a reality TV series that has you cruising for male companionship and you look like you spend more time than RuPaul in front of the mirror before leaving the house, certain misperceptions can develop among the general public. (The world can be so cruel.) Brody Jenner knows this (but, to be fair, he knws pretty much everything). So in an effort to cut off any rumors at the pass before his reality series Bromance (which is not suspiciously titled at all, so stop saying that) hits the air, the Brod-meister decided to set things straighter than a lumberjack with a 12-pack of Labatt's swirling around in his unquestionably heterosexual belly. Which probably made him late for his eyebrow-sculpting appointment, but sometimes sacrifices have to be made in the name of the truth.

Well, who couldn't be convinced by that? Because if there's anything in the world that will convince a person that you're not gay, it's going out of your way to produce a video in which you adamantly insist that you're not a homosexual. In fact, it would do Senator Larry Craig good to log onto BrodyJenner.com for surefire tips on persuading the world that he's heterosexual. They have free wi-fi at most airports, right?

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Dec 27 2008Brody Jenner is, like, totally supportive

You're nothing in this world without good friends. Just ask my stuffed animal collection. Or Brody Jenner. Who's wicked-psyched for his Hills castmate Whitney Port and her new show, and he wants her and the rest of the world to know it. Even though it sort of makes her his competition. Which would traditionally call for a knife fight. Regular Mother Teresa, that guy. But less wimpy. Man, it would be so cool to be Brody Jenner's friend. He'd probably let you scratch your back with his beard stubble when it itches. That would be awesome. Or at least marginally better than drinking a milkshake laced with the ebola virus. I'm pretty certain. Check out Brody's shout-out to Whitney Port. It'll fill you with a warm glow like nothing else can this holiday season. Or at least it won't bum you out as much as that time you accidentally licked gravy from between a homeless guy's toes. It would probably be a good idea to drop him a line at BrodyJenner.com and let him know what a pillar of graciousness he is. The world owes him that much.

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