Feb 2 2010Britney Spears practiced to look like hell
Before reminding everyone at the Grammys she'd stab us all in the neck for chicken, Britney Spears spent Saturday at a recording studio in Miami looking completely out of place without children falling out of her onto the steps of a trailer. And before anyone tries to say she looks great, I want you to tell me with a straight-face she's not far enough along to know the sex of the baby.
I rest my case.
Scope Out (12) Pics of Britney After the Jump
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Feb 1 2010GRAMMYS: Britney Spears' stylist hates her
Presumably to make the nominees feel better about themselves, Britney Spears was invited to the 52nd Annual Grammys where she arrived wearing some sort of pants-free sadness. Although, the best part of her outfit is the look on Jason Trawick's face as he realizes everyone now knows he bribes her with M&Ms for sex which really should be considered a form of rape when one party's been deemed retarded by the state. But that's just me.
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Jan 27 2010Britney Spears still hates bras and other news
- John Mayer is probably banging Taylor Swift. [Lainey Gossip]
- Simon Cowell getting thrown under the bus by American Idol producers presumably in an attempt to destroy his Baby Gap tees. [PopEater]
- Kevin Federline got fat because he was depressed about Britney. Here I thought it was because bacon is delicious and working is hard. [dlisted]
- Katy Perry thinks she's Lady GaGa now, too. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Nick Cannon is jealous filmmakers want to hire Mariah Carey instead of him. But he was in that show! About that guy. (I sincerely can't name a damn thing Nick Cannon was in.) [Celebslam]
- Conan O'Brien still thinks working with NBC is a good idea? INAPPROPRIATE. Tell me I'm not the only one who remembers that sketch. [Just Jared]
- Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner figured out the secret how to make marriage work. -- It's orgies, isn't it? I knew it! [PopSugar]
- Greg Oden apologizes for his penis. [The Blemish]
- Pink mocks Beyonce for selling out? Really? I had no idea Pink was selling her albums out of the trunk of a car in an organic yogurt field. [Bossip]
- Heidi Montag is buying her mom plastic surgery for Mother's Day. Of course. [ICYDK]
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Jan 22 2010Britney Spears pretends she works out
JASON: You're back already? It's only been five minutes. And how are you so sweaty?
BRITNEY: *huffs* Dropped a fry down a heating vent. *huffs* Had to go after it.
JASON: What? Last week you left Sean at Starbucks for three hours.
BRITNEY: Who?
JASON: Your son.
BRITNEY: I'm pregnant?!
Jan 19 2010Britney Spears basically commits credit card fraud
Britney Spears apparently found a way to get around the $1500 spending limit imposed by her conservatorship, according to TMZ:
We've learned Britney is using her bodyguard's credit card to score purchases that don't fit into her conservatorship budget.
Britney hit up the Steve Madden store in the Valley over the weekend and bought 2 pairs of boots. We're told Brit paid for the new kicks with a credit card, but the card had the name of one of her bodyguards on it.
The store employees gave Britney a hard time over the card ... because she signed her own name on the dotted line. We're told Britney convinced the clerk the person named on the card is an employee of her company and she was entitled to use it.
I like to believe there's an elite squadron of killing machines protecting us from Britney Spears, so the credit card had to belong to a new bodyguard. There's no way one of her regulars would fall for this considering they see her smuggle buckets of chicken and a Barbie in her vagina on a daily basis.
BODYGUARD: Where would you like to eat today, Ms. Spears?
BRITNEY: *nom nom nom* Barbie wants Big Macs!
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Dec 30 2009BEST OF 2009: Britney Spears Topless
4. BRITNEY SPEARS
Posted: 6/7/2009
When these photos of a dirty version of "Gimme More" leaked online, I honestly didn't think anyone would want to see Britney Spears' bare nipples covered in magic marker because it'd be a sad reminder of how far gone her mind is.
I was wrong.
Original: Britney Spears topless photos leaked
Dec 23 2009Britney Spears still crazy, conservatorship extended
So apparently Britney Spears' conservatorship won't be ending. TMZ reports:
The judge didn't specify how long the conservatorship will remain in place, but lawyers involved in the matter tell TMZ they expect it to last somewhere between six months to a year.
Under the ruling, Britney's dad, Jamie Spears, will continue to receive a $16,000-a-month payment for his duties. Andrew Wallet -- the co-conservator -- was also granted a $174,569.10 payment for services rendered between July 2009 and November 2009.
The judge also authorized Britney's conservatorship to kick out close to $300,000 in attorney's fees.
I want to assume this has less to do with Britney being crazy and more to do with her dad and this lawyer guy bleeding her dry, but then I look at these pics of "Dr. Britney" on Monday and realize it's pretty much both at the same time. At this point she's basically a bottomless piggy bank that needs a team of ex-Navy SEALS to keep her pants on. I don't know any other way to describe it.
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Dec 8 2009Britney Spears conservatorship coming to an end
The process to end Britney Spears' conservatorship has officially started, according to TMZ:
We know there have been several lengthy meetings recently between the lawyers and the court commissioner in the commissioner's chambers.
Jamie and the lawyers will not make the decision to end the conservatorship. They will weigh in, but the person with all the influence is the "capacity expert" -- a psychiatrist who was appointed by the court. The capacity expert will do a thorough evaluation and submit it to the commissioner.
We're told one of the fears Jamie has ... Sam Lutfi, a guy Jamie thinks is still a threat to Britney if she allows him back in her life. He's got that right.
There are actually two conservatorships -- one over Britney, the person, and the other over Britney's business affairs. We're told the business conservatorship will likely continue. The issue on the table is whether to end the conservatorship over Britney, the person.
I wonder how Britney will spend her first day of freedom. I'm torn between sitting naked in an Arby's eating her weight in roast beef sandwiches or using Sean and Jayden as boxing gloves to fight stray coyotes. Man, this is tough....
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