Sep 10 2009Kendra Wilkinson's Baby Shower
Former Hugh Hefner prisoner Girl Next Door Bridget Marquardt threw a surprise baby shower for Kendra Wilkinson last night because that's what you do after fondling old man balls together. And this thing had everything! Retardedly huge prego boobs, Holly Madison eating a pickle and, of course, Grandpa Death. Does he want a handjob, or a bowl of prunes? It's anybody's guess.
Scope Out (32) Pics of Kendra's Shower After the Jump
Apr 24 2009Heidi & Spencer: America's Punching Bag
- Heidi and Spencer shill themselves out in front of a green screen. Internet exploitation occurs. [Videogum]
- Robert Pattinson's early made-for-TV movie days. Now I see how he was so prepared for Twilight. ZING! -- I'll be avoiding the Young Adult section of Borders from here on out. [ICYDK]
- Bridget Marquardt doesn't like Hawaiian food. Old man balls, yes. Hawaiian food, no way. Makes sense. [Jezebel]
- Michael Phelps is NOT dating Miss California Carrie Prejean. But is willing to change that stance if she'll agree Jesus would want her to have sex with him so he never smokes marijuana again. [Best Week Ever]
- Michael Jackson involved in a hit-and-run with an ambulance. But the important thing is, no one's kids were touched. High five! [Allie is Wired]
- Rihanna starts new career as a speedboat driver/potential pirate. They're so in right now. [PopSugar]
Mar 24 2009Bridget Marquardt understands quality television
Here's Bridget Marquardt filming her travel show Bridget's Sexiest Beaches. I watched an episode the other night, and at this time, I'd like to take a moment to apologize to the citizens of Alaska for all the commotion. And, also, to Mt. Redoubt for taking the blame. Next one's on me.
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Jan 22 2009Bridget Marquardt in a bikini
Here's former Hugh Hefner arm-candy/Girl Next Door Bridget Marquardt filming her new reality show Bridget's Sexiest Beaches on the Gold Coast in Australia. She's with a legendary group of young women known as the Meter Maids who prevent parking tickets while wearing bikinis. I don't even know where to begin with how right everything I just said is.
In the meantime, if I ever have a daughter who comes home one day to say she's joined this outstanding organization, I'd weep tears of joy knowing I raised her right. Then I'd lock her in the basement until she's 40 because, seriously, where are these women keeping their quarters?
Sep 29 2008Kendra Wilkinson and the other 'Girls' exodus explained
If you thought the recent Wall Street crash was bad (How 'bout that Dow today?), talk to Hugh Hefner: It's costing him pussy. The recent credit crunch has forced the Playboy founder to reduce staff which fully, 100%, without a shadow of a doubt because they're prostitutes explains why Kendra Wilkinson (above), Holly Madison and Bridgett Marquardt are jumping ship. The Daily Telegraph reports:
The 83-year-old has been told to lay off some of his staff at his Los Angeles and New York offices as soon as this month or go bankrupt.
The company has recently seen shares fall from £6.20 to £1.55. An insider at the company told the Daily Star that bosses had been aware of the worsening situation for "a while".
"Only the top brass has known for a while how bad things have been for Hef recently."
Spokeswoman Elizabeth Austin would not confirm the sackings, saying: "It is our policy not to comment on corporate matters such as employee issues."
If Hugh Hefner, of all people, dies old and alone without giant fake breasts in his face, then my God, what hope is there for the rest of us? Damn you, stock market. DAMN YOU TO HELL!
Thanks to Josh who still dreams of having a stripper dance on his open casket.
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Sep 25 2008Bridget Marquardt kicks Hugh Hefner in the old man nuts
Hugh Hefner really must be rocking the Depends because Bridget Marquart, the last faithful Girl Next Door, is bailing on him, Page Six reports:
Word comes that Marquardt also has a man on the side. Our tipster says, "Bridget's been getting quite close with Nick Carpenter, Marisa Tomei's ex-boyfriend. He directed her in a movie recently and apparently they 'hang out' whenever she can escape the mansion."
Goddamn, this is depressing. I refuse to accept it's not possible for a man to have enough money that he can score with a gaggle of young blonde chicks with fake breasts well into his 80s. I'm pretty sure that's the guiding principle of our great nation. In fact, if history serves me correct, Benjamin Franklin said it best when he said "See how many ho's you can get with this printing press, Mr. Jefferson, and make sure they got them breasteses all huge and stuff."
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Sep 17 2008Hugh Hefner wants spinoffs for all the Girls Next Door
Kendra Wilkinson is moving out of the Playboy Mansion and starring in her own reality show. (FYI, Holly Madison did not leave the Mansion for Criss Angel. His people are believed to be behind the rumor because he's a douche.) But Hugh Hefner tells E! Online that the other girls may be getting spinoffs too:
While he won't confirm anything about Wilkinson, Hefner says, "I think all three girls are likely to get spinoffs. I think they will be interconnected to the main show, and we will all appear on both."
For now, however, Hef, Wilkinson and his two other girlfriends, Holly Madison and Bridget Marquardt, have other things to think about, like the Oct. 5 premiere of season five of GND.
Even Hefner is amazed at how successful the show has become. "It's amazing. We're about to launch season five," he said, adding, "We thought it would be a one-season wonder."
HUGH: Ladies, I haven't had an erection since 1987 and to make it up to you I want you all to have your own reality show.
GIRLS: PUSH HIM DOWN THE STAIRS AND GET HIS WALLET!
HUGH: Ha ha. Here we go again. Whee!
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Sep 9 2008Holly Madison & Bridget Marquardt host some sort of event for something
Playmates and Girls Next Door stars Holly Madison and Bridget Marquardt hosted the National Lampoon's Great American Run this weekend and I have no clue what the hell that is - but here's my wallet. Gimme the David Spade special; hold the baby.
NOTE: Also added pics of Playmate Heather Rene Smith. Mostly because I like her outfit. I can't really paint a picture in my mind why I like it so much, but I'm sure I can figure out the bare essentials of its allure she's totally naked.
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