Oct 9 2009Paris Hilton still has really gross knees and other news
- Billy Ray Cyrus wants Miley Cyrus to keep Tweeting. How else is going to buy that there sol-eed gold spittoon he's been fixin' to get? [Lainey Gossip]
- Jon Gosselin and the paparazzi: BFFs. [PopEater]
- Jessica Alba wears retarded shorts. [Drunken Stepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Heidi Klum has NOT birthed a future German sexpot yet. [Just Jared]
- R. Kelly admits he's illiterate but also the "Greatest Writer of All Time." Why not? [Celebslam]
- Reggie Bush looks so thrilled to be back with Kim Kardashian. So thrilled. [PopSugar]
- David Letterman used to take his mistress/assistant on family vacations. Now those are some balls. [The Blemish]
- Kourtney Kardashian is having a boy which proves the Kardashian sisters have to have a penis in them at all times. Least surprising fact ever. I know. [ICYDK]
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Aug 21 2009Paris Hilton is fishy and other news
- Criss Angel is such a master of magic, he has a woman's haircut. Ta-da! [PopEater]
- Billy Ray Cyrus approves of Miley's pole-dancing at the Teen Choice Awards. Is anyone really surprised by this? Honestly. [The Blemish]
- Cameron Diaz and Keanu Reeves are dating. [Lainey Gossip]
- Leighton Meester sounds like an amazing person to take to dinner. [Celebslam]
- Renee Zellweger needs to be stopped. Seriously. This is getting ridiculous. [PopSugar]
- Megan Fox is hosting the season premiere of Saturday Night Live. [Just Jared]
- Brad Pitt calls Tom Cruise's Valkyrie "ridiculous." Ha! Midgets can't kill Hitler.[Splash News]
Jun 11 2009Pete Wentz & Ashlee Simpson fight bigotry. I think.
- Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson campaign for marriage equality by putting tape over their mouths. Is it because they're both women? I'm confused. [Pink is the New Blog]
- Chastity Bono is getting a sex change operation. No! Then she'll figure out we're obsessed with breasts. Dammit, years of stealth operations down the drain. [ICYDK]
- Kristen Stewart's Joan Jett haircut angers Twi-hards. Unfortunately, they read the pansy vampire books and will probably jsut resort to bitching on the Internet. Instead of cutting themselves. Prove me right! [Lainey Gossip]
- Bret Michaels posts pictures of his broken nose which is really just an elaborate ruse to cover up the VD. Well played, Bret Michaels. Well played. [Just Jared]
- Billy Ray Cyrus is happy Miley left Justin Gaston for Nick Jonas. He can kick that kid's ass without even leaving the La-Z-boy. True story. [Celebslam]
- Jon Hamm photographed on the set of Mad Men. Because there's nothing like a full hour of smoking and misogyny. [PopSugar]
Apr 16 2009Billy Ray Cyrus not cool with Jamie Foxx
Billy Ray Cyrus isn't thrilled with Jamie Foxx's suggestion that 16-year-old Miley Cyrus make a sex tape. While Jamie apologized on Leno, Billy Ray voiced his opinion on The Bonnie Hunt Show today. Via Us Magazine:
Billy Ray says, "It was hurtful. There wasn't nothing funny about it. And, quite frankly, I think if I said those things about his daughter, he might not find it so comedic."
It probably doesn't help that Billy Ray is from Kentucky, so I'm sure he wants to settle this matter the old Southern way. Which ironically involves Miley Cyrus making a sex tape. Whoa! Twist ending! This is why people call me the M. Night Shymalan of blogging. And by people I mean me. Just now.
Mar 1 2009Miley Cyrus' dad shouldn't count his motorcycles before they're hatched
Miley Cyrus and her family are slowly becoming my favorite inevitable train wreck. Mostly because I know this one will end in "We don't know how she got pregnant; we thought he was gay. I mean, immaculate conception!" To emphasize my point, here's Miley wearing a lowcut shirt over a bikini while going for a jog with her 20-year-old boyfriend Justin Gaston yesterday. And where's her dad during all this? Posing with his motorcycle. However, nobody knows more than me that sexy doesn't take the weekend off. Or start work in Billy Ray's case.
Continue Reading "Miley Cyrus' dad shouldn't count his motorcycles before they're hatched"
Oct 24 2008Billy Ray Cyrus gives Miley 'the talk'
Miley Cyrus apparently got "the talk" from her dad Billy Ray seeing as she's turning 16 soon and dating a 20-year-old model Justin Gaston who may or may not want to have sex with her. (Jury's still out.) Billy Ray laid it all out for Miley that her career hinges on her ability to sell Hannah Montana dolls to folks in the Bible Belt, so she better fly straight. Also, he ain't giving up his diamond ter-let. The Sun reports:
A close family friend says Billy Ray told him: “We brought Miley up with good morals and strong religion, but she’s at that age where she is bound to be experimenting and her hormones are going nuts.
“Miley’s career is just rolling along now and getting bigger and bigger. Everyone loves her and she has a shot to have a career like JULIA ROBERTS or JENNIFER ANISTON or someone like that. I told her in no uncertain terms that her career would be over if something stupid were to happen and she would no longer be a role model for young girls, something she takes very seriously.
“I think I made an impression on her; at least I hope so. I don’t want to forbid her from dating because that would just make her sneak around."
So, basically, Billy Ray locked Miley Cyrus in a room full of "Jamie Lynn Spears shopping at Wal-Mart" pictures until she forged her own chastity belt. Now that's just good parenting. I don't care who you are.
Oct 23 2008Miley Cyrus' boyfriend is a wholesome young man
These are shots of Miley Cyrus' new boyfriend Justin Gaston drunk off his ass at a party full of topless dudes over the summer. Apparently, Billy Ray Cyrus has been under the impression Justin is a fine, upstanding young man who goes to church and doesn't drink, so I can't figure out what he's more pissed about: That he was lied to. Or that he let a homosexual watch his TV. Shit, there goes his NRA membership. And right before the annual potluck, too! Sonofa...
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Sep 22 2008Miley Cyrus done with Hannah Montana?
Miley Cyrus and her father Billy Ray Cyrus have figured out the real money's in focusing on Miley's singing career and bailing on Disney. In a move that could only be cultivated in a trailer full of meth, Miley and Billy Ray are now trying to get fired from the insanely lucrative Hannah Montana show and have started showing up late, holding up production and generally pissing off the crew, according to TMZ:
Emily Osment, who plays Lilly Truscott, used to be extremely tight with Miley. Now we're told Emily is so bitter she literally turns away from Miley after each scene. We're told Emily's dad got in a screaming match with Billy Ray, complaining he and Miley were unprofessional.
Sources tell us Billy Ray has told people on the set that he and Miley will do twelve more episodes and then they are out. Disney was so pissed they called his agent, railing that Billy Ray and Miley were ingrates. Disney insisted that Billy Ray and Miley not only finish the twenty-four episode season -- but Disney was adding six more episodes.
Good. Real smart career move. I think I speak for everyone when I say I hope I never see this buck-toothed little trollop and her boyfriend's package again. I mean, not that I've looked at it or anything. Even when I sent everybody home early and said I'd lock up for the night, I didn't look at Justin Gaston's package while sitting at the Geekologist's desk. Nope, never happened. And, if you don't believe me, feel free to check the security tapes I completely erased then ran over with my car.
