Nov 17 2009Coco wants you to see things through her eyes
And by things I mean breasts. She wants you to see her breasts.
NOTE: Included some more of Coco's recent Twitter pics so someone in the scientific community can explain to me how this is happening and why we're not using those gamma rays to create a super-army of Incredible Hulks.
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Nov 16 2009Ashley Tisdale in a bikini
Here's High School Musical star Ashley Tisdale in Mexico today and despite millions of dollars of Disney advertising, plastic surgery and the mere fact she's in a bikini, I'm honestly having a hard time giving a shit. I mean, hey, good for her for working out and not being a burden of the state unlike her Disney predecessors, but maybe next time she could morph into someone interesting. (Olivia Wilde.) I don't think that's asking too much.
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Nov 15 2009Britney Spears' breasts in a bikini aren't making me cry. What the...
Dear Britney,
Did you notice today how people stared at your chest and went "Hey, those are kind of awesome" instead of asking whether you're pointing at them or that guy over there? No, way over there.
That's what happens when you support those things. No foolin'. On that note, I'd tell you to write all this down but I don't want your kids seeing you choke on a pen cap after a full day of staring directly into your ass and realizing they'll never be innocent again.
Here to help,
The Superficial Writer
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Continue Reading "Britney Spears' breasts in a bikini aren't making me cry. What the..."
Nov 15 2009Jennifer Aniston still in a bikini
Jennifer Aniston continued her Mexican vacation Friday and I've gotta ask this or else I won't be able to look at myself in the mirror: Why doesn't Jennifer Aniston wear a bikini all the time instead of acting? I'm serious. Unlike her movies, people actually want to look at this and recommend it to others without fear of gunshot wounds to the face. Don't believe me? Imagine you're at work, minding your own business and someone suggests you watch Rumor Has It. If grabbing a muzzleloader isn't your immediate reaction, congratulations, you're one of those cyborgs who doesn't know its a cyborg. Has your love just been a program? Beep boop awww.
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Nov 13 2009Jennifer Aniston in a bikini
Here's Jennifer Aniston relaxing in a bikini yesterday in Mexico, and I know these pics are kind of blurry so just do what I do: Pretend you walked out onto your hotel balcony after taking your contacts out only to spot a sunbathing Jennifer down below. Now imagine a pelican snatching your beach towel away resulting in a roar of applause from the peasants below.
"Senor Grande Junkulo!" they cry for surely you've saved the harvest and ran those bandits out of town. (I'm a detailed fantasizer.)
Nov 11 2009Carrie Amstutz in a bikini
Here's model Carrie Amstutz in South Beach yesterday, and I was just about to say you might recognize her as the Dash employee on both Kardashian reality shows but instead collapsed on the floor laughing for assuming anyone even watches them. Seriously, where do I come up with this stuff? Watching the Kardashians, I kill me!
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Nov 10 2009Alessandra Ambrosio & Ana Beatriz Barros in bikinis
Here are stupidly gorgeous Victoria's Secret models Alessandra Ambrosio and Ana Beatriz Barros posing for the December issue of GQ UK">GQ UK proving once again the British have the technology to infiltrate my brain and ferret out what I want for Christmas. Of course, we can't be sure until these two arrive on my doorstep gift-wrapped with a stocking full of action figures handguns and meat.
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Nov 10 2009Britney Spears in a bikini can't be healthy for her kids
Here's Britney Spears with her kids in Australia this morning, and once again she's subjecting their fragile little minds to her ass in a bikini. If it weren't for the fact they're essentially being raised by a revolving team of complete strangers, I'd probably be way more surprised they haven't turned to a life of a show tunes and axe murders by now.
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