Sep 17 2009Chris Brown: 'Community service is off the hook!'
Chris Brown might be court-ordered to perform community service for beating the shit out of Rihanna but that doesn't mean he still can't have a good time tweeting (above) and mixing it up with those crazy paparazzi. Whee! NY Daily News reports:
'Check out my outfit,' Brown said in an afternoon Internet 'tweet' that included a picture of himself in his work duds.
The California judge who sentenced Brown in August granted his request to do his community labor near his home in Richmond after receiving assurances from Virginia officials that hed' be doing hard work.
Richmond Police spokesman Gene Lepley said Brown's schedule will be flexible and include assignments like washing government cars, picking up trash and cleaning up graffiti.
"We'll just take a look at it day by day and certainly would ask for the cooperation of the public and Chris' fans so that he is able to satisfy the work requirements."
While Brown's work hours were supposed to be secret, he clued the paparazzi in to his whereabouts Wednesday through his missives on Twitter.
"On my way to community service...." he tweeted en route to the Richmond Police stable.
It's so nice to see Chris Brown is having a romping good time serving his sentence. God knows he needs a break after getting his face punched in right before his big night at the Grammys. Oh wait.
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Sep 11 2009Tila Tequila case dismissed, no charges for Shawn Merriman
San Diego Diego District Attorney Bonnie Dumanis will not be filing charges against Shawne Merriman of the Chargers. He was placed under citizen's arrest by Tila Tequila after he allegedly choked her and refused to let her to leave his apartment Sunday. Apparently no one bought it.. ESPN reports:
Dumanis decided not to charge Merriman after her office spent three days reviewing reports from the San Diego County Sheriff's Department.
"After a thorough review of the investigation into the Sept. 6, 2009, incident at the Poway home of Shawne Merriman, our office has determined there is insufficient evidence to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that any crime was committed," Dumanis said in a statement. "This case is now closed. No further comment will be made."
Naturally, Tila fired back via her lawyer who called the decision "reckless" and is threatening a civil suit, according to a statement issued to TMZ:
"Tila Tequila is the victim of a violent crime. The San Diego District attorney's decision not to press charges against Shawne Merriman for the battering of Tila Tequila demonstrates an unconscionable negligence in the discharging of their public duties. We strongly feel that justice has not been served in this matter.
Obviously, The San Diego Charger's NFL franchise brings millions of dollars in revenue to the city of San Diego, and it seems clear that other interests are being served by the DA's office than the upholding of the law. A young woman was violently beaten and choked, and the physical evidence is both overwhelming and disturbing. Tila's account of the events has remained consistent from the beginning, while Merriman's story has changed repeatedly.
Just because the DA has made this reckless decision doesn't mean that justice will not be served in this case. No one is above the law. Tila Tequila will immediately begin pursuing civil charges against Mr. Merriman and she will have her day in court."
Fortunately for Shawne Merriman, Tila can only file suit with the Lollipop Guild whose jurisdiction doesn't extend beyond GumDrop Mountain.
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Sep 11 2009Tila Tequila plot thickens (Now with more leprechaun naked time)
Seen here sporting bruises yesterday, San Diego's 10news.com has an alleged rundown of the Tila Tequila/Shawne Merriman incident and it's a tale rife with jilted hearts, threesomes and naked leprechauns. Enjoy:
The sources told Vara that witnesses at Merriman's home said the three-time Pro Bowl linebacker went to his bedroom with two women.
Sources said Tequila walked into the room and Merriman asked her to join them. However, the sources said Tequila reacted angrily and threatened to have sex with a member of Merriman's entourage.
According to sources, Tequila was intoxicated, and she got naked and attempted to leave the house.
Sources told Vara that Merriman, 25, tried to stop the 27-year-old Tequila, and that is when she called 911.
Tequila accused Merriman of choking and throwing her to the ground while she was trying to leave the house. Tequila signed a citizen's arrest warrant accusing Merriman of battery and false imprisonment. Both are felonies.
Here's what I don't get: If Tila Tequila was running around stupid drunk trying to bang the entire room, which I'd bet money happened, why not just let her leave? Seriously, what the hell is she going to do that anyone will believe? "Hey, a nude Keebler elf Twittered in a pool of her own urine that Shawne Merriman's an asshole. Let's cancel his contract." C'mon.
Sep 10 2009Tila Tequila shows off her injuries
Tila Tequila let the paparazzi snap shots of her bruised arms and neck today which seem to prove that San Diego Charger Shawne Merriman did a little more than stop her from driving home drunk. This also explains why the DA's office brought her in this afternoon and are reviewing the case, according to TMZ. So unless Shawne can prove Tila's keys were hidden inside her leprechaun skin and he had to punch them out, he's probably looking at charges and the official title of "Just Another Bitch like Chris Brown."
In the meantime, Tila seems to be hinting on her Twitter page that her side of the story involves refusing Shawne's request to bang his buddies which led to the midget tossing. Classy.
NOTE: Even though Tila Tequila is a plastic leprechaun famewhore who could be lying out her ass, any Internet Tough Guys who comment "she had it coming" have miniature genitals.
Scope Out (16) Pics of Tila After the Jump
Sep 9 2009Tila Tequila punts Shawne Merriman's excuse (Football + Domestic Violence = COMEDY!)
Tila Tequila's lawyers have fired back at Shawne Merriman's claims that he didn't choke the miniature stripper but instead merely prevented her from driving home drunk. Presumably in a Hot Wheels car. TMZ reports:
Shawne Merriman and his advisors have decided that the best defense is a good offense, attacking Tila Tequila in the press with a lot of calculated spin to cover up his illegal and indefensible actions.
Fortunately, we as a society will not tolerate a 6'4", 270 pound all-pro NFL linebacker physically assaulting a young lady who is 4'11" and 93 pounds. It is never justifiable to brutally assault, choke, strike and imprison a woman.
Once the truth is fully revealed, Mr. Merriman's fantastic story of how he was trying to keep Ms. Tequila safe will be completely discredited.
No one, especially a woman, should ever have to endure what Mr. Merriman did to Tila Tequila.
Tila's claiming Shawne was 'roid raging. Shawne's claiming Tila was drunk. So somewhere in the middle is the truth. Or a magic unicorn that hands out condoms because Tila Tequila is an elf and likes to fuck a lot.
Sep 8 2009Tila Tequila citizen arrests abusive boyfriend
Tila Tequila placed her boyfriend Shawne Merriman under citizen's arrest early Sunday morning after he allegedly choked her and refused to let her leave his apartment, according to People:
Early Sunday morning, deputies were called to Merriman's residence in Poway, Calif., a town bordering the city of San Diego, where the reality star, whose real name is Tila Nguyen, claimed she was choked and restrained, according to a press release.
"[Nguyen] made a citizen's arrest," Sheriff's Lt. Gary Steadman tells PEOPLE.
Merriman was charged with battery and false imprisonment, according to the release. Steadman says the results of an investigation will be given to the district attorney's office, which will decide whether to charge the football star.
In a statement to FOX News, Shawne claims he was merely trying to prevent Tila from driving drunk which she says is impossible because she's allergic to alcohol. Except apparently for that night. Gawker reports:
Taking on Merriman's claims that she was drunk at the time of the incident, Tequila tweeted:
"I am allergic to alcohol. It has been publicly known for years. That is how I got the name Tila 'Tequila' cuz the irony. I can't drink."
As happens in the high-speed age of technology, it wasn't long until that story was called into question, what with the owner of the nightclub where it went down described Tequila as "visibly intoxicated."
Considering Shawne Merriman is a large individual and Tila Tequila sleeps in a box of matches, did the police find tweezers on the scene? Because, honestly, I don't how he could've done this. It'd be like trying to choke a LEGO figure. Except this one shoots green clovers and red balloons out of its face until you hand over the keys.
Scope Out (12) Pics of Tila After the Jump
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Sep 4 2009Chris Brown to Oprah: 'Bitch, get my back!'
In his Hey, Please Buy My Music issue of People, Chris Brown takes a swing at Oprah for having a domestic violence episode of her show - dedicated to Rihanna:
"I commend Oprah on being like, 'This is a problem,' but it was a slap in my face. I did a lot of stuff for her, like going to Africa and performing for her school. She could have been more helpful, like, 'Okay, I'm going to help both of these people out.'"
Chris, she did it for the same reason you slapped on a bow tie and went on Larry King: Marketing. Also, dancing at a school for Oprah doesn't really give you a free pass to rearrange Rihanna's face right before the Grammys. I understand where you might think it does, but I also understand you wish you could order a solid gold pizza so your friends will be all like "Day-amn!"
Sep 1 2009Chris Brown: 'Of course, I remember'
Apparently Chris Brown is already doing spin control of his spin control. After previews of his Larry King Live interview appeared online yesterday which showed Chris saying he doesn't remember beating Rihanna, his publicist quickly starting firing off the following statement to media outlets:
"There have been reports on the Internet that I didn't remember what happened that night with Rihanna. I want to try and set things straight.
That 30 seconds of the interview they used of me was taken from a one hour interview during which that same question was asked something like 4 or 5 times -- and when you look at the entire interview you will see it is not representative of what I said.
The first four times - or how ever many times it was - I gave the same answer -- which was that I didn't think it was appropriate for me to talk about what happened that night. I said it was not right for me and it really wasn't fair to Rihanna. The fifth time - or whatever it was - I just misspoke. I was asked, "Do you remember doing it?" and I said, "No."
Of course I remember what happened. Several times during the interview, my mother said that I came to her right afterwards and told her everything. But it was and still is a blur. And yes, I still can't believe it happened because it is not me or who I am or is what happened like anything I have ever done before.
As I have said several times previously, I am ashamed of and sorry for what happened that night and I wish I could relive that moment and change things, but I can't. I take full responsibility for my actions. What I have to do now is to prove to the world that this was an isolated incident and that is not who I am and I intend to do so by my behavior now and in the future."
In Chris's defense, when you're used to only fighting women, Larry King can seem a bit intimidating. What with his octogenarian elbows and constant demands for soup.
