Aug 12 2009Kate Hudson's uterus demands A-Rod babies
Sensing her biological clock ticking, Kate Hudson wants to have a baby with Alex "A-Rod" Rodriguez ASAP, according to In Touch:
The actress has a son -- Ryder, 5 -- with ex-husband Chris Robinson, but a friend of hers explains: "She just turned 30 and she's ready to have her second child. She wants Ryder to have a sibling, so she brought up the idea to Alex and told him that they would make a beautiful baby together, and that she would assume all financial responsibility." But the pal adds that A-Rod, who has daughters Natasha, 4, and Ella, 16 months, with ex-wife Cynthia, is just not ready for more kids right now.
Personally, Kate's playing this all wrong. I mean, yeah, a baby is a sure-fire way to nail down a man (Not counting Jon Gosselin's eight kids.), but c'mon, A-Rod was having sex with Madonna. That means Kate has a good 20 years, or some say centuries, before she has to worry about not being attractive to him. Unless of course she sincerely just wants to have a baby because children are life's most precious gift. Read: Her last movie tanked.
Continue Reading "Kate Hudson's uterus demands A-Rod babies"
Aug 11 2009Layla Kayleigh poses for PETA and other news
- Larry King needs to admit he's in an abusive relationship. Or is a pirate. Either one. [Celebslam]
- Jennifer Hudson gave birth to a baby boy. [PopEater]
- Kate Hudson is A-Rod's personal cheerleader whose vagina isn't a sarcophagus. That would probably make me do my job better, too. Just a tad. [Lainey Gossip]
- Kate Gosselin pretends to love her children in front of the paparazzi. [OK! Magazine]
- Emmy Rossum was secretly married to her ex Justin Siegel which is funny because I secretly don't give a shit. Dammit! I ruined the surprise. [Just Jared]
- Mischa Barton is that crazy person at work everyone's afraid to fire because she'll go on a desk-crapping rampage. It's science. [PopSugar]
- Lindsay Lohan's freckles are trying to spell something. "M-U-S-T F-I-N-D P-E-N-I-S. C-A-N-T L-I-V-E O-N V-A-G-I-N-A A-N-Y-M-O-R-E. 8-6-7-5-3-0-9?" [ICYDK]
Enlarged Version of Layla After the Jump
Continue Reading "Layla Kayleigh poses for PETA and other news"
Jun 8 2009Goldie Hawn to Kate Hudson: 'Stop being a whore.'
Kate Hudson's latest relationship with Alex "A-Rod" Rodriguez is starting to worry her mother Goldie Hawn, according to the Daily Mail:
'Goldie feels it's high time Kate settled down and left the dating scene behind for a while,' says a source.
'Kate's had a string of boyfriends since her divorce from Chris Robinson and it's always the same pattern - she falls hard and fast, then gets bored or has her heart broken. Goldie hates the idea of seeing Kate getting hurt again.'
Wasn't Goldie Hawn divorced twice before dating the married Kurt Russell? Just throwing that out there. Anyway, maybe it is time for Kate Hudson to settle down, or at least stop funneling every male celebrity through her vagina. At this rate, she's one step away from having sex with Dane Cook. Wait. That happened already? Did I suggest suicide earlier? Because that's what I meant to say: Suicide.
Continue Reading "Goldie Hawn to Kate Hudson: 'Stop being a whore.'"
Jun 1 2009Madonna terrifies Kate Hudson
Thanks to her new relationship with Alex Rodriguez, Kate Hudson cowered in fear from Madonna when the two attended the Veuve Clicquot's Manhattan Polo Classic on Saturday, according to NY Daily News:
"Kate was completely intimidated by Madonna," said one guest. "She clearly didn't want trouble and decided to keep a low profile for the rest of the match." Said a second guest, "I didn't even see Kate Hudson again after Madonna arrived. She ran away! But if I were dating Madonna's ex, I'd be scared, too!"
While Hudson hung out in the back of the tent, Madonna rocked her royal status. After showing up in a black Mercedes-Benz with several NYPD escorts, she held court with boy toy Jesus Luz, her kids Rocco Ritchie and David Banda, as well as pals Marc Jacobs, Lorenzo Martone and photographer Steven Klein.
"Madonna literally didn't care," said a third eyewitness.
"She showed up with no makeup, a dowdy [denim] outfit and her hair pulled up in a ponytail. She doesn't need to compete with Kate, because she will always be Queen Bee."
Of course, it's completely understandable to be terrified of Madonna. I mean, Christ, one look at her death hands, and I not only shit my pants, but the pants of everyone in our office. Which wasn't easy. First, I had to get a gun, then wait forever for people to drop trou, then convince everyone I have an evil twin. Freaking annoying.
May 19 2009Kate Hudson & A-Rod? Okay, sure.
Kate Hudson is apparently cool with Madonna's leftovers. She was spotted helping Alex "A-Rod" Rodriguez work on his batting average. In her vagina. (Sports humor! Catch it!) Page Six reports:
The blond, Los Angeles-born actress -- who met A-Rod at the reopening of the Fontainebleau hotel in Miami Beach last November -- was photographed at Friday's game, cheering on the Bronx Bombers at the new Yankee Stadium.
But the real action came later that night at Mustang Grill on Second Avenue. Our source said a bartender at the Southwestern joint at 85th Street "was asking patrons not to go in the back room around 1 a.m. because A-Rod and Kate Hudson were back there making out."
I love how Page Six reports about celebrity hook-ups like they're talking to you in study hall: "A-Rod and Kate were totally Frenching, you guys!" I mean, Jesus, just once I'd appreciate some realistic, honest reporting. Something along the lines of "Alex Rodriguez was caught dry humping Kate Hudson on a salad bar last night forcing them to drop gold coins on the floor and fly out the window on a magic carpet because they're stupid rich."
See? It's like you're almost there.
Mar 25 2009Madonna's flings threaten her adoption plans
Madonna's relationships with Jesus Luz and Alex "A-Rod" Rodriguez have thrown a wrench into her plans to adopt three-year-old Mercy from Malawi. NY Daily News reports:
"The news she is linked to another woman's husband and a young man less than half her age makes us question her morals."
Officials are unhappy the 50-year-old Material Mom, who adopted toddler David Banda in Malawi in 2006, flaunted her relationship with Luz in a recent racy W Magazine spread.
Simon Chisale, Malawi's child welfare chief, said morality plays a big part in the adoption process.
"We do not only look at the material issues, but also the moral standing of prospective adoptive parents, because we do not want our children's morals to be corrupted," Chisale said.
When reached for comment, Madonna responded by sprouting leather wings and flying off into the air. She was last seen over the Atlantic carrying a small African child in her talons. In related news, the entire country of Malawi is still engulfed in flames this morning...
Mar 17 2009Alex Rodriguez... what in the hell?
Alex Rodriguez poses for the April issue of Details, and I don't know how the hell he agreed to these shots. I can't tell if he's trying to win back Madonna or steal Jesus Luz away from her. It's literally a toss-up. In the meantime, I took the liberty of adding captions to each of these pics. Quality journalism: I'm slathered in it.
Feb 4 2009Madonna two-timing A-Rod
Alex "A-Rod" Rodriguez is starting to get pissed about Madonna spending more and more time with 22-year-old Brazilian model Jesus Luz (above). Somewhere Cindy Rodriguez is laughing on top a pile of alimony. NY Daily News reports:
Madonna has been trying to soothe the Yankee slugger by telling him Luz is just a decoy to take the heat off of their own romance. "Madonna pooh-pooed her relationship with Jesus and called it a publicity trick," the insider confides. "But now that Jesus was spotted out with her kids, she can't hide her subterfuge any longer."
So far, the Material Mom's (r.) relationship with Luz has been uncomplicated. "Jesus comes and goes, but he never stays at her house. He's certainly not moving in," says the source. "It's not like Madge is going to marry Jesus. He's keeping her warm at night."
I'm pretty sure Madonna could be pregnant with Jesus Luz's child and A-Rod would still believe it's a publicity stunt. Wanna know why? He had sex with Madonna in New Cryptkeeper Disguise therefore failing nature's IQ test. This technically puts him somewhere between a sea cucumber and Jesus Luz who at least knows not to spend the night. That's when she feeds.
