Oct 21 2009Jon Gosselin prepares for a daddy/daughter ATV ride. Yeah, that's not creepy.
Here's Jon Gosselin getting his nine-year-old daughter Cara's ATV ready yesterday so they can bond over their love of picking up skanks and doing them in the woods behind the house. Yup, just your typical father/daughter moment. Nothing out of the ord- wait a minute. Something's not right here.... I'm not seeing any helmets. Safety first, you two.
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Oct 5 2009Victoria Silvstedt masturbating on a public beach
Former Playmate of the Year Victoria Silvstedt apparently felt a public beach in St. Tropez was a good spot to rub one out yesterday, so here she is for your viewing pleasure. Usually I go for the "Man, this jellyfish really latched on hard" approach, so hats off to Victoria for basically not giving a shit. The world needs more role models.
NOTE: Pics link to NSFW versions of a woman who knows what she wants. -- Ha! Just kidding. That's only a myth.
Scope Out (16) Pics of Victoria After the Jump
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Jul 29 2009Shia LaBeouf's fans are f-cked up
A new Shia LaBeouf fansite, Shiantology, has taken their obsession to pretty much insane heights by editing the actor's face into several iconic religious images ranging from Shiva all the way to Jesus. So, what? No Shia as Tom Cruise Fellating Xenu? Pfft. And you call yourself fans...
Jul 28 2009Madonna is probably going to die soon
Somehow I missed this pic of Madonna that ran in yesterday's Daily Mail, so huge thanks to everyone who sent it in. Hopefully, you weren't looking for an explanation because, honestly, I don't have one.
Except I do: Pilates and a severe lack of virgin sacrifices.
Jul 20 2009Fergie has a penis. It's official.
And that's a cock. Well, folks, there's not really much to say at this point except for "I told you so" followed by a slew of questions regarding the legality of Fergie and Josh's marriage in a post-Prop 8 California. That said, someone should probably check on Carrie Prejean and make sure she doesn't come after these two with a wooden stake. Just to be safe.
Thanks to Meg and Lorenz who understand everything I say is infallible gospel truth. Except for that time I said I banged a unicorn. (It was a pegasus.)
Jul 8 2009Lady GaGa, seriously this time, what in the f-ck?
Lady GaGa showed up to the press conference for the "Isle of Malta MTV Special" today wearing probably the most fucked up outfit she's worn yet. It's almost like Darth Vader had a daughter with a crack addicted hooker who drinks a lot. Under power lines. Inside a giant cigarette. I think you see where I'm going with this, so no need to spell it out. (She's got the Downs.)
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Jul 1 2009Heidi & Spencer are 'End Times' prophets now
After becoming social pariahs thanks to their shenanigans on I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Outta Here!, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have officially taken the final dive into full-blown religious hysteria. The two appeared on conspiracy nutjob Alex Jones' radio show where Heidi talked about 9/11, Obama bringing on Armageddon and the evils of birth control. Via Jezebel:
I was just saying about birth control, because I got very scared about it the other day and I felt like God was telling me that this was something just created by the government that is really bad for my body and I was just getting sick, and I researched it, and one of the founding people who invented birth control said it was the worst thing they had ever done, they wished they'd never created it, how it morally corrupted society, it's just sickening to him. How it devalues women, how it causes depression, how it can cause cancer, how it sterilizes your body, and what it does to your body, how most women are suicidal sometimes on it, and in fact, in order to even stabilize the population right now, each woman would have to have three children, that the population is decreasing so much that population control is just a myth.
At one point, the conversation turned to nightclubs that are allegedly having customers implant microchips in their hands to have access to VIP areas which, for those who don't know, is what modern evangelicals believe is the mark of the beast:
"You would have to kill me before I get a chip, that would never happen. The fact that people are even already OK with this is sickening, I could throw up right now. A chip? are we dogs? Not even dogs deserve chips. It says in the bible that it's the mark of the beast and that is a sign of worshipping the devil - so over my dead body would I ever get a chip in my body. My body belongs to Jesus Christ, to God alone, and no one will ever put anything in me, I will not worship the devil, I will not be conformed to this world, that will not happen."
Somehow I missed the part in the Bible where Jesus spoke about the dangers of microchips. Must've been right after his sermon on the virtues of fake tits, posing for Playboy and drunken gun ownership. Yeah, that sounds like Jesus.
Thanks to Maggie who was, literally, the first person to write me who didn't think I should spread the truth about microchips. Not even joking.
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Jun 24 2009Courtney Love is probably gonna die soon
Ever wonder what eating a bowl of heroin for breakfast does to the human body?
Ta-da!
