Jun 30 2009Khloe Kardashian gets Kim drunk
- Kim Kardashian got trashed at Khloe's 25th birthday and somehow a sex tape didn't emerge. I'm as shocked as you are. [Khloe Kardashian]
- Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick want you to look at the new babies they bought. Or as I like to call them the "Sorry I Cheated on You, Horseface" Twins. [Lainey Gossip]
- Nicky Hilton enjoys laughing at the misfortune of others. That's for the two people who actually think there's a good Hilton sister. I'll let you guess who they are. [The Blemish]
- Vanessa Minnillo rebounds with Topher Grace. How sad must be it for Nick Lachey to learn the villain from the shitty Spider-man movie obviously has more money than him? [Celebslam]
- Kelly Brook's boyfriend wore a Michael Jackson T-shirt today which means he's gay and she should start having unprotected sex with me. Hey, you can't argue with science. [Just Jared]
- Zac Efron wears a life preserver on a short boat trip. Somebody get this kid a towel. For his vagina. [PopSugar]
- Chace Crawford has a new haircut! And yet somehow this doesn't trump the non-stop media coverage of Michael Jackson's death. Is there no justice?! [ICYDK]
Jun 26 2009Britney Spears wears a bra and other Michael Jackson-less news items
- Nick Lachey dumped Vanessa Minillo because she's a gold-digger. Wait. Nick Lachey has money? [Celebslam]
- Anne Hathaway has to look damn fine to C-3PO. [Lainey Gossip]
- Madonna's new Louis Vuitton ad looks just like her. If she was a perfectly porcelain doll who didn't have the sinewy arms of a zombie. [The Blemish]
- Robert Pattinson reveals he wouldn't be anywhere without Twilight. I'm going to assume this was an interview for People Who Just Woke Up From a Coma Weekly. [ICYDK]
- Jon Gosselin took his wedding ring off! Somebody alert CNN I just found their entire weekend's programming. [Just Jared]
- Johnny Depp never watches his own movies once he's done filming. That would explain the 25 minute, awkwardly edited butt sex scene in Public Enemies. I'm joking! It's only 10 minutes. [PopSugar]
Continue Reading "Britney Spears wears a bra and other Michael Jackson-less news items"
Jun 24 2009Nick Lachey & Vanessa Minnillo break up
Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo have called it quits, Us Magazine reports:
A source close to the couple tells Us: "It was an amicable break-up. They walk away from it still friends."
Adds another source, "They still care about each other very much. This is what's best for both of them."
The couple hooked up in 2006 -- the year after Lachey split from wife Jessica Simpson.
I love how these "sources" always say the same thing during celebrity break ups: "They're still the best of friends." "Unicorns met them at the door as they embraced for the last time." Just once, I'd like to hear a source say something like: "He's been nothing doing but looking up his exes on Facebook and masturbating, while she just got engaged to that weird guy from Starbucks after one date." Who hasn't been there, am I right? High five! Actually, no wait, don't. I can see the Facebook screen on your monitor and, have you been crying?
Feb 21 2008Nick Lachey lives a miserable existence
Nick Lachey and his girlfriend Vanessa Minnillo make their living by simply showing up at places. They get paid to visit tropical resorts that need publicity or do photo shoots at department stores. Nick just has to stand around for a couple hours and take pictures. Easy stuff, right? Apparently not for Nick Lachey. Page Six reports:
According to a source at JC Penney's "American Living" launch at Skylight on Hudson Street, "Nick was complaining the whole time he was there. He started whining, 'When can I get out of here?' and refusing to take photos. That's what he was paid to show up for."
Jesus. Nick Lachey's life really is sheer torture. I mean, the dude gets handed bags full of dough but he has to smile for pictures. I had no idea such inhumane practices go on in this country. But, on top of that, he has to go home and bang Vanessa Minnillo. I don't know how he does it day after day. Gandhi had it easier than this. Actually, I'm serious about that. Gandhi was never forced to have a conversation with Jessica Simpson. If he did, he'd probably have thrown himself underneath an elephant.
Nov 21 2007Vanessa Minnillo gets her bikini on
These photos just recently surfaced, but they were taken two weeks ago while Vanessa Minnillo and Nick Lachey were on vacation in the British Virgin Islands. And I use the term 'vacation' loosely, since you probably have to have a job to actually take a vacation. Although to be fair, lying around on the beach and having sex all day is tough work. I've been doing it full-time for over ten years now and, despite what the line of satisfied ladies might suggest, I still consider myself only semi-professional. And by semi-professional, I mean if lying on the beach and having sex was like knocking over buildings, I'd be Godzilla.
A ton more of Vanessa Minnillo and Nick Lachey after the jump, including a gazillion of Vanessa in an alternate bikini.
Jul 12 2007Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo sex photos off the market
OK! magazine has paid $400,000 for the Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo sex photos from their vacation in Mexico. You'll probably never see them though, since the celebrity-friendly magazine allegedly bought the photos to take them off the market. A source tells Gatecrasher:
"There's much worse stuff than what got out there on the Internet," says a snitch. "If Nick's fans saw it all, it would definitely change his career, because he kind of has a squeaky-clean image."
I'm pretty sure Nick Lachey doesn't have a "squeaky-clean image". I'm pretty sure he doesn't have an image at all. You sort of have to be famous to have an image, and if he did, it'd be "retarded ape" not "squeaky-clean." Yeah, the sex pictures would change his career, by maybe giving him one. Right now he's only famous for being married to Jessica Simpson. It's like being known in high school as that kid who ate the live worms. You're a star!
Jul 5 2007Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo sex pictures
Famous magazine has the first pictures (pretty SFW) from Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo's sex romp in Mexico and they're extremely disappointing. Last week pictures came out of Nick and Vanessa running around naked in Mexico, and then word leaked that there were also hardcore sex pictures. Nick confirmed the existence of the sex pictures to OK! magazine, saying:
"Where's the scandal? I was in Mexico with my girlfriend of a year, celebrating our anniversary on a private vacation. It's not like I was caught with a Mexican hooker. We've all gone out and had a few too many and done something stupid. We've all made mistakes."
The pictures are pretty tame as these things go, since all the action is hidden behind a giant wall. For all we know they could be playing a rowdy game of Monopoly back there. And I don't understand what all the controversy is about. Having sex with your girlfriend in your hotel room isn't exactly scandalous. The only shocking thing here is that anybody is willing to have sex with Nick Lachey. I took a survey of 100 women and 99 of them said they'd rather do it with a running lawn mower.
Thanks to Ryan for the scan, who I hear is so manly he sweats beer.
UPDATE: Aww, Nick and Vanessa's lawyer made me take it down.
Jun 18 2007Vanessa Minnillo to get reality show?
Vanessa Minnillo is reportedly in talks to get her own reality show which would basically just follow her around all day. Gatecrasher reports:
"The show would just follow her around in her day," a source says, adding wryly, "She really wants to be famous."
Nobody even knows who this chick is, except that she's dating Nick Lachey and was almost murdered by Lindsay Lohan one time. I'd rather watch a reality show about my coffee table. It could just be a shot of my coffee table for half an hour and it'd still be more interesting than anything this chick could do.
