Aug 4 2009Pamela Anderson & Tommy Lee: A case study in hepatitis
Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee reunited this weekend at Vegas (above), according to The Sun:
They hit the town after MOTLEY CRUE's performance at music venue The Joint.
A source told The Sun: "They were making out all night and biting each other's candy necklaces. Later, they headed to Vince Neil's Paradise Tower mega suite to continue partying."
So this Paradise Tower has been burnt down right? If not, tell me at least someone jammed a giant Q-tip in the top and ran some tests. I don't want to catch the clap just by being downwind of it the next time I'm in Vegas. I leave that to the slot machines. Or, fine, hookers. Pot-ay-to, pot-ah-to.
Continue Reading "Pamela Anderson & Tommy Lee: A case study in hepatitis"
Apr 21 2009Rihanna can't quit Chris Brown
- Rihanna still texting Chris Brown. Jesus. Now I want to punch her. But I won't because I'm a gentleman - which is why I hired a hooker to do it. Go get her, Boots! [Celebslam]
- Robert Downey, Jr. attends premiere of The Soloist with Jamie Foxx. Oh, so that's why he said all that crazy Miley Cyrus shit. Here I thought it was because of a sincere desire to see some Hannah boob. You deceived me, Jamie Foxx! [Lainey Gossip]
- Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt take Zahara and Shiloh grocery shopping. Meanwhile, the other children are each given knives and trapped in the basement with a rat. -- Ha, I'm joking. They had guns. [Just Jared]
- Snoop Dogg gets his own wax statue at Madame Tussaud's in Vegas. In preparation for her next trip to Sin City, Britney Spears has been informed its not made of chocolate. Good luck with that. [Pink is the New Blog]
- Tony Romo spends his birthday without Jessica Simpson. How do you celebrate a birthday without giant breasts? Is that legal? [Radar Online]
- Tommy Lee hopes to use this Internet machine to score chicks. If you been chatting with TomDongItchLong, congratulations, there's tour bus sex in your future. Bring rubber boots. [I'm Not Obsessed]
Jun 13 2008Tommy Lee confirms Pamela Anderson moved back in, pornlarity to ensue
Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee are officially reconciled and living together. Tommy revealed the news to Rolling Stone, but only because he thought they were a really cool pineapple with a tape recorder:
“Pamela and the kids have moved in with me,” said a beaming Tommy Lee. “It’s awesome, man. It’s definitely working. You can tell on the kids’ faces — they’re happy when we’re together. We’ve only given it a try 800 times — 801, here we go.”
After the interview ended, Tommy Lee proceeded to have sex with 20 hookers while saying "Yeah, man, I just really hope things work out. For the kids. I mean, I think I'm on the right trac- Holy shit, what am I doing? This isn't right. I specifically ordered these chicks with flasks of JD around their necks. I can't stressalize how muy mondo importante good customer service is, bro-seph. Yeah, I don't know what the hell I just said either."
Continue Reading "Tommy Lee confirms Pamela Anderson moved back in, pornlarity to ensue"
Jun 5 2008Pamela Anderson's breasts still gi-normous
Attention, everyone! Pamela Anderson's breasts are still ridiculously large. You're welcome. Oh yeah, she also hung out with Tommy Lee yesterday and bought some plants. I don't know what that means, but I bet it involves doing it in a pile of a mulch. How else do you landscape? Ha ha, with a mower. Now you're just making shit up.
EDIT: Moved this to the top of the page because, well, breasts. I think I've made my point.
Continue Reading "Pamela Anderson's breasts still gi-normous"
Mar 24 2008Pamela Anderson is smuggling Easter eggs
I know what you're thinking: "Two Pamela Anderson posts in one day? Is it my birthday?" No, and you were an accident. It's just proof that I know how to journal the ism like Gamera on crack. Here's photos of Pamela Anderson spending Easter with her ex Tommy Lee and their son who has a name, but who cares, my God look at that rack. I dunno if Pamela is wearing a towel or a sheet or what, but I'm campaigning to make it illegal for her to wear anything else. This will be my most eloquent and persuasive prose yet. It's going to take all my cunning to pull this off. Here goes:
Dear Congressman,
BOOBS! OMFG BOOBS!1
Sincerely,
The Superficial Writer
NOTE: Swish! Nailed it.
Sep 13 2007Kid Rock, Tommy Lee given chance to be douchebags again
Las Vegas showman Jeff Beacher wants Kid Rock and Tommy Lee to box each other at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino. The winner will receive $1 million. They'll also lose their dignity, but, hey, that was never there to begin with. E! Online’s Mark Malkin reports:
“I have already spoken to a couple of the oddsmakers here in Vegas, and Kid Rock would be the favorite,” Beacher just told me. “They are saying that Z-list Tommy Lee is just too old and beat up.”
In case you were worried, this spectacle is going to be super-classy:
And in the true spirit of re-creating Sunday’s VMAs, Beacher said, "I’ll even have Mini Britney open the show!” If you’re not familiar with Mini Brit, she’s a 26-year-old little person named Terra Jole.
Okay, the Mini Brit, here’s her website. Go nuts. Now, who in the hell wants to see two white-trash rockers recreate their pansy fight? Besides the entire South. And that trailer park by the expressway. Other than that, nobody. Well, maybe the mentally handicapped. And the illiterate which also includes the NASCAR crowd. Wait, I already mentioned the South, didn’t I?
Sep 11 2007Tommy Lee writes rilly gude
Tommy Lee apologized on his official website today for getting in a fight with Kid Rock during Alicia Keys’ VMA performance of George Michael’s “Freedom.” He writes:
Yeah!! .....here I am minding my own biz having a great time with my friend Criss Angel (magician) and watching the MTV awards in the front row saying hello to all my friends......Pamela comes and sits on my lap who I love and adore....and also say hello to my friend Travis Barker and his wife!.....and i get a text from another friend P. Diddy and he says come sit with me.....and he's sitting with Miss HOT Megan FOX so I go over and sit with P! Not a minute later and Alicia Keys starts her amazing performance....("I apologize sweetie.....I had nothing to do with the timing and disrespect")......back to the stupid-ness!!....so..... I get a tap on the shoulder from Kid Pebble...I stand up and embrace him with a semi hug and say "Hey dude...What up"?? He punches me in the face.....well if ya wanna call it that!?....more like a bitch slap!.......Wuss!! Anyway....i go to knock this jealous country bumpkin the f$%k OUT....and before I can have a meeting with my fist and his ugly ass mug ....security guards... grab me and haul my ass outta the award show! So I'm fine and of course leave to my room with police and owner of the Palm's George Maloof......the rest is paper work and bullshit!... Anyway...... I would like to apologize to Alicia and George and MTV for the disrespectful bullshit caused by a piece of shit called Kid Pebble!!
We are in the presence of a modern-day Shakespeare. “Kid Pebble,” brilliant! If you didn't read the entire message, do so now and treat yourself to a rare example of vernacular wit and cunning. Tommy Lee is truly a master of the English language and should be heralded as such. Bravo, Tommy, as a fellow wordsmith, I salute you and implore you to never sway in your literary endeavors. For tomorrow shall be a slow news day and, if you say something else stupid, I’m covered until lunch.
Sep 10 2007Kid Rock and Tommy Lee are super mature
Kid Rock and Tommy Lee (who have both been married to Pamela Anderson) got into a fight during the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards last night. Rap producer Rich Nice witnessed the incident and told the AP:
“It looked like Tommy Lee initiated it because Kid Rock was ignoring him. And Tommy Lee kind of antagonized him. And then when Tommy Lee stood up, it looked a little weird, like ‘Yo, what?’ When Tommy stands up is when Kid hit him the first time with a backhand and then Tommy Lee looked like he was trying to get at him to aggressively retaliate and then Kid Rock hits Tommy Lee again — bong.”
Tommy Lee told The Insider his version of the story:
"I was minding myself and then he goes and punches me on the cheek," claims Tommy. "I was trying to be the bigger man, but he was acting childish." He added that after Kid came up and punched him, he "was ready to go in the alley and kick his ass. "I was about to put Kid in the emergency room when security grabbed me," says Tommy. "They said, 'If you move, we will break your arms.'"
Can this thing even be called a fight? Kid Rock has a cigar in his mouth the entire time. I've seen tougher fights at the petting zoo. And not even a real petting zoo. Just a bunch of stuffed animals I threw on the ground to entertain some babies. And how exactly was Tommy Lee planning on putting Kid Rock in the emergency room? Was it with the yelling or the walking away in shame? I usually just use punches, but maybe I'll give his method a try.
