Jan 23 2009Shia LaBeouf might have a drinking problem
Forced to hoof it thanks to his recently suspended license, Shia LaBeouf made a trip to the liquor store last night and decided to put a bag over his head to thwart the paparazzi - who took pictures of him anyway. Because it's Shia LaBeouf with a fucking bag over his head. Either he's been knocking back Jager or about to fight crime which is pretty much the same thing isn't it? My bad.
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Oct 29 2008Steven Spielberg directs Tom Cruise and an effin' gaggle of celebs in a horribly meta "Get out the Vote" video
Tom Cruise, Will Smith, Justin Timberlake, Scarlett Johannson, Ryan Reynolds, Harrison Ford, Borat, Shia LaBeouf, Tobey MaDumbFace and a shitload of celebrities got together for a follow-up to the "Five Friends" video encouraging people to vote. Jesus, these things have sequels now? At least they got Spielberg to direct. Or, more like, FUCK they got Spielberg to direct. Thanks for the CGI gophers in Indy 4, asshole!
I don't know about you guys, but this was definitely the last straw for me. I am so ready for this election to be over before Ashton Kutcher tells me to vote one more time, and I strangle him with a Kaballah bracelet. I honestly can't wait to wake up on November 5th and learn our next president is... George Bush! Who will undoubtedly declare martial law and proclaim himself "Galactic Umpire" while Natalie Portman gives effortless birth to Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia. You heard it here first.
Sep 26 2008Shia LaBeouf ducks DUI charges
Shia LaBeouf will not be charged with DUI after a car accident in July that severely damaged his hand. Even though it was later determined the other driver ran a red light, Shia refused a breathalyzer test at the scene which could cost him his license for up to nine months. The Associated Press reports:
There was "insufficient evidence" to charge LaBeouf with drunken driving, Los Angeles County District Attorney spokeswoman Jane Robison said Thursday. She said prosecutors are mulling charges against two other people involved in the July collision, but could not provide further details.
"Shia is most happy that he will not have to go to court," said his attorney, Michael Norris.
It's official: The California Legal System loves Transformers. And, really, who doesn't? It has cars that turn into robots AND Megan Fox's navel. I'd let somebody recklessly drive around drunk for that. Then again, I have a drinking problem and the attention span of a caffeinated two-year-old. What was I talking about? Hey, look, I tied my own shoes!
Sep 17 2008Megan Fox attends things
Megan Fox attended the LA premiere of Shia LaBeouf's new movie Eagle Eye last night. I thought I'd offer these pics as a comparison piece to yesterday's post featuring a Photoshopped Megan Fox in a bikini. So what do you think, is she still hot? I guess I'd have sex with her. Maybe. It all depends on if we could connect on a spiritual level, you know? Hold on, my editor is telling me I'm confusing "spiritual level" with "a Denny's restroom." That's embarrassing.
Jul 30 2008Khloe Kardashian offers DUI advice to Shia LaBeouf (I bet it involves French fries.)
Khloe Kardashian is now considered a receptacle for advice on drinking and driving after her three hour stint in jail. I'd say that qualifies her to dish out horribly vapid pearls of wisdom for recently arrested Shia LaBeouf which, oh, hey, that's exactly what she did. Fantastic! Us Magazine reports:
"Just be smarter," she told Usmagazine.com at the Annual Style L.A. Runway show benefitting the Facial Paralysis Foundation & Stop the Violence/Face the Music benefit.
"Think about your actions and get a driver!" the 24-year-old counseled. "It's so much cheaper in the long run!"
"So much cheaper." Interesting. How about, I dunno, nobody gets fucking killed? I mean, I guess that's as important as saving a couple bucks. Then again, I don't spend the majority of each day in a mansion with my sister trying to block the sun with our asses, so I could be wrong.
Jul 29 2008Shia LaBeouf not at fault for DUI crash
Shia LaBeouf's crash on Sunday morning turned out to be not his fault despite being freaking loaded, according to the AP:
Sheriff's spokesman Steve Whitmore says detectives have determined that the other driver apparently ran a red light, and will be also be cited.
Now this is something I wouldn't want to know if I were Shia LaBeouf. I'd prefer learning a valuable lesson instead of finding out, "Hey, guess what, you're actually a decent drunk driver who just got nailed by some idiot." There's only one way that'll end: Me filling my glove box with Jim Beam and Jell-O and starting an office car pool. Sure, everyone will complain I'm not wearing any pants, but have you seen those gas prices?
Jul 28 2008Shia LaBeouf arrested after DUI crash
Shia LaBeouf was arrested for suspicion of DUI after crashing his pickup into another car early Sunday morning. His two passengers suffered minor injuries while Shia required surgery on his hand at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. He was booked for misdemeanor DUI at the hospital where no photo or prints were taken, according to AP:
"It was immediately apparent to officers responding on the scene that LaBeouf was intoxicated and he was subsequently placed under arrest," Wolf said.
And the Disney curse strikes again. Oh yeah, that's right; Shia was a Disney child star ala Lindsay and Britney. What the fuck do they do to these kids? Promise the parents a boatload of cash as long as their little prodigies down a fifth of Jameson every morning with Michael Eisner? I mean, seriously that, uh, actually sounds kind of awesome. So, who wants to make a baby?
Jun 11 2008Shia LaBeouf likes to get drunk, bitch-slapped
Shia LeBeouf is making the apology rounds after a video of him at a house party recently hit the Internet. It basically shows a drunk Shia telling one of his friends to hit him in the face. When his friend decides, "Not today, sir." Shia calls him a "faggot" and then recieves his come-slap-ance! Shia's rep issued the following statement via People:
"The videotape that is currently being circulated is several years old and captures Shia playing a game among friends in which he uses a derogatory word toward a friend," LaBeouf's rep continued. "He regrets having used the word in any capacity and is very embarrassed that this footage is being seen by anyone."
I love how Shia's rep describes the video as "a game among friends." As if they were playing an innocent round of Monopoly but things suddenly got out of hand: "Park Place?! Oh, this is great. Just great. Now we have to get drunk, call each other fags and slap each other silly on camera. This is exactly why I picked Hi Ho Cherry-O."
Video after the jump.
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