Oct 14 2009Jennifer Love Hewitt can't even hold onto Jamie Kennedy. Ouch.

Jennifer Love Hewitt's large breasts can't even make Jamie Kennedy stay with her. He's reportedly ready to bail on her for his ex-girlfriend, and former Britney Spears assistant, Shannon Funk, according to FOX 411:

"Jamie is still hung up on Shannon and has been telling her that," says the source. "He also told her he had zero desire to go to the Tao event with [Love Hewiit], but Jen insisted they go together to put rumors to rest. Jamie decided he at least owed her that, so he appeased her and accompanied her to the event even though he's pretty much checked out of the relationship."
It sounds like Love Hewitt is not totally in the dark, however, according to Jamie's pal.
"Jen knows things have really changed with them, but the public appearance is all part of her damage control plan. Unfortunately for her, it doesn't seem Jamie is going to stay with Jen ultimately."

Okay, how crazy is Jennifer Love Hewitt that Jamie Kennedy of all people won't even stick around and look at her naked? I'm pretty sure that guy has paid for sex numerous times yet he's going to jump ship on probably the greatest thing that's happened to his career/penis. So maybe she throws kitchen knives at you because that "whore" at Starbucks gave you extra sugar packets. It's not like she locked you in the basement with the corpses of her former lovers until you propose marriage. -- That happened, didn't it? I get it now.

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Aug 30 2007Britney Spears ex-assistant is not a celebrity

Shannon Funk, the former assistant to Britney Spears, is apparently worthy of paparazzi attention. Granted, she’s sort of hot in a slutty, hey-she’s-not-Britney kind of way. But this chick is not a celebrity. Want further proof? She’s hanging out with Jamie Kennedy. The last person seen in public with Jamie was an Egg McMuffin. But at least the McMuffin wasn't dishing out free lap dances. Not that Jamie Kennedy would turn one down. I heard he once got an erotic massage from a bagel. I have no evidence to back that up, but this is the gossip biz, so what I say goes. Now on to my next story: "Jamie Kennedy impregnates Whopper with cheese."