Sep 2 2009Madonna & Sean Penn reuniting?
Now that they're both divorced, it only makes sense for the rumors to start that Sean Penn and Madonna are going to rekindle their relationship after a quarter of a century. InTouch reports:
A friend says Madonna, 51, and Sean, 49, have stayed in touch since having cocktails last November at New York's Greenwich Hotel and have helped each other through their respective splits (she divorced Guy Ritchie in 2008). And though she is casually dating Jesus Luz, "Madonna still considers Sean her soulmate," her friend reveals. "It's highly possible that she and Sean will somehow get back together now that they'll both be divorced."
However, Sean might want to act soon considering The Sun reports Madonna collapsed twice while performing in Bulgaria over the weekend:
Madge lost consciousness singing Holiday and had to be held up by a dancer. Then, as she left the stage during Spanish Lesson, she passed out and fell over.
A source said: "Madge was really worried backstage. She had to sit down for a longer break than usual between songs. She refused to end the show or take a break after the Holiday dizzy spell. It turns out she's suffering from exhaustion. She is anaemic.
"She was advised to postpone the last two shows in Israel for a few days, but logistics and stubborness stopped her. She'll do them then take some rest."
Of course, Sean Penn has nothing to worry about since it's only a matter of time before Madonna finds the last unicorn and devours its heart thus restoring her strength. No, really, the sex'll be great.
Aug 18 2009Robin Wright Penn files for divorce. C'mon!
Less than two months after Sean Penn dismissed his petition for divorce (For the second time.), Robin Wright Penn has apparently filed for divorce and this time she's not dicking around. Maybe. I think. Don't quote me on that. People reports:
The papers, filed in Marin County, Calif., on Aug. 12, state that "both parties have already agreed to [shared] custody" over their minor son, Hopper Jack, 16, and that "the estranged couple have already agreed to division of all property."
The reason for the split is listed as "irreconcilable differences." Wright Penn, best known for roles in The Princess Bride and Forrest Gump, is not seeking spousal support.
In an interview released Monday, the actress told More magazine that she had no plans to reconcile with her husband. "I hit that crossroad a while ago," she said. "I know what I don't want."
For the love of- Can we just skip these back and forth divorce shenanigans and skip to the part where Sean Penn starts wearing an earring and banging Lindsay Lohan? Because that's where this is headed. Provided he finds the spell to revert Samantha Ronson back to her stone form. Otherwise, it's random college chicks who he'll call "Natalie" during sex.
May 21 2009Sean Penn calls off divorce - again
Since Sean Penn apparently struck out with Natalie Portman, it's back to Ol' Reliable, according to People:
The Oscar-winning actor filed a request Thursday to dismiss his legal separation case, Marin County, Calif., court records show.
"This appears to imply that they're reconciling again," says L.A. divorce lawyer Lynn Soodik, who is not involved with the case. "It's unlikely Sean Penn would request a dismissal for any other reason."
Or maybe he just felt like having an excuse to yell "Psyche!" Ha! Got her good that time, Sean Penn. Now who wants hookers?
May 17 2009Natalie Portman denies Sean Penn rumors
Natalie Portman wants to make it abundantly clear she is not banging 48-year-old Sean Penn. The 27-year-old actress issued the following statement to Extra:
"Sean Penn is a friend and colleague. The reports that we are romantically involved are completely untrue. I normally do not respond to rumors about my private life, however, this repeatedly fabricated story has forced me to do so."
Notice how Natalie only denied being "romantically involved." Last time I checked, you didn't have to be romantic to get naked. You could simply be drunk, bored or hanging out with an Oscar-winning actor who recently separated from his wife. Whatever floats your boat.
NOTE: Apparently you can see 1/25th of Natalie's areola. I meant to do that.
May 8 2009Reese Witherspoon is sporty
- Reese Witherspoon training to be a softball player. Think of her as your butch gym teacher that you wouldn't mind see kiss a girl. [ICYDK]
- Ryan Phillippe wears a wifebeater and takes his daughter Ava out for a bagel. Thnk of him as your butch gym teach- Wait, I already used that joke. [PopSugar]
- Sean Penn is officially on his way to divorce which means only one thing: Time for blonde highlights. Because, honestly, liberals aren't thought of as closet gays enough. Thanks, Sean Penn! [Jezebel]
- Daniel Radcliffe's has a new transvestite best friend. Okay, maybe those Harry Potter books do fuck a kid up. You win, church. [Best Week Ever]
- Justin Timberlake will be hosting SNL tomorrow night because, obviously, he hates having sex with Jessica Biel 24/7. That's like owning a motorcycle and not jumping over a helicopter with it. Sad. [Lainey Gossip]
- New Kids on the Block continue to get booked on The Today Show confirming what I've suspected all along. Matt Lauer is the missing Wahlberg brother. So, the prophecy was true! [Videogum]
Apr 30 2009Sean Penn files for divorce. For real this time.
Sean Penn has filed for divorce from Robin Wright-Penn, and this time he means it. TMZ reports:
According to papers filed last week in Marin County Superior Court, Penn cites "irreconcilable differences." The couple was married 13 years and has two minor children.
Penn wants each party to pay for their own lawyers. And, he checked the box saying he wants the judge to terminate the court's power to award spousal support.
The couple announced they were divorcing in December 2007 -- but recanted four months later after changing their minds.
Of course, if I had sex with Natalie Portman, I'd probably get a divorce, too. But then again, why bother having sex again after that? Everything else will just pale in comparison, so you might as well stay married and never have sex again. Stop me if I'm making too much sense.
Mar 25 2009Natalie Portman caught with Sean Penn
In the biggest liberal conspiracy since the discovery of science, Sean Penn was recently caught making out with Natalie Portman at the Sunset Towers Hotel, according to Star:
"They went to a bank of elevators that only goes to the spa or to private rooms," an eyewitness tells Star. "They came back about 45 minutes later, and that's when I saw them making out."
"There's a door outside of the hotel's Tower Bar that has a bridge to the terrace, so it's semi-private," the eyewitness explains. "I used that path to get to the restroom, and when I came back, I had to go through some curtains -- and that's when I interrupted Sean and Natalie! When they saw me, they were startled and quickly composed themselves."
Here's where I have to question Sean Penn's manhood: If someone catches you making out with Natalie Portman, you don't stop EVER. I don't care if it's Robin Wright Penn wielding a chainsaw, you keep going, dammit. God knows I would. Padme? -- Er, Natalie?
Feb 23 2009The Most Important People Ever. (Until about noon-ish.)
Here are the most important actors of the moment despite the fact not one of them has been a guest star on Lost. Try and figure that one out. Anyway, the winners of the 81st Annual Academy Awards:
Best Actress: Kate Winslet, The Reader
Best Supporting Actress: Penelope Cruz, Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Best Actor: Sean Penn, Milk
Best Supporting Actor: Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight
I feel kind of bad that I've only seen one of the four movies listed above, and it wasn't even the one where Penelope Cruz makes out with Scarlett Johansson. That's like sleeping through Christmas. Twice.
NOTE: For the whole 2009 Oscars enchilada scope out I Watch Stuff.com's liveblog coverage. Because I'm lazy.
Continue Reading "The Most Important People Ever. (Until about noon-ish.)"
