Sep 24 2009Melanie Brown in lingerie
Since we can't have David Hasselhoff ruining lingerie for the rest of us (Hey, I didn't harsh his booze vibes.), here's Scary Spice Melanie Brown launching the just-revealed Ultimo Autumn/Winter 2009 campaign. Can you believe Eddie Murphy hit that? I mean, there's no way someone is this good at secretly hiding a penis the way he likes it. Not even Houdini.
May 31 2009Melanie Brown in a bikini
Melanie Brown (a.k.a. Scary Spice) signed autographs at Tao Beach in Vegas yesterday, and fuck me, those are some ripped abs. Granted, they don't hold a candle to my own, but for the fairer sex those are some impressive abdominals. Seriously, if Melanie and I got together, my neighbors would think two knights were battling in my bedroom from all the steel-on-steel action: *CLANG* *CLANG* "Excalibur usually stays in the stone longer, I swear." *CLANG*
Scope Out (12) Pics of Melanie After the Jump
Oct 9 2008Scary Spice modeling lingerie just frightened my pants off (In a good way)
These are pics of Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown modeling the Ultimo Autumn/Winter lingerie line. Sort of gives a whole new meaning to "hot chocolate" doesn't it? A ha ha ha wait, hold up. I shouldn't have brought color into this. That was wrong of me, and I apologize. Instead, I should just respect Melanie for who she is: A beautiful woman with ginormous breasts who I'd have sex with until she realizes I'm not Keanu Reeves. See? Much better.
Respect: It's dope!
Continue Reading "Scary Spice modeling lingerie just frightened my pants off (In a good way)"
May 27 2008Scary Spice continues life-long dedication to bikinis, getting her drink on
Melanie Brown, a.k.a. Scary as Hell Spice, donned her bikini and downed champagne while vacationing in Miami over the weekend. Jesus, I would love for our abs to battle. Mostly to hear the distinctive "clank" of metal on metal followed by "Shit, love, we should have a drink." Next thing you know, it's the Mel B Signature Move: Kerpow! Paternity suit. Why didn't you warn me, Eddie Murphy?
Continue Reading "Scary Spice continues life-long dedication to bikinis, getting her drink on"
Mar 17 2008Scary Spice still looks questionably hot in bikini
Scary Spice (a.k.a. Melanie Brown) continued her Miami vacation by jet-skiing with her husband Stephen Belafonte. She definitely looks better in these pics than earlier ones but has some questionable features. That being said, after perusing your comments I'm afraid I have to address a very controversial topic. I never thought in 2008 I'd have to discuss such issues, but I need to make the most serious and professional statement of my life:
The Superficial Writer's wang is an equal-opportunity lover of the va-jay-jay. Whether it be black, brown, white, Chinese, Danish, bran muffin or a LEGO castle covered in Pam cooking spray, odds are my weiner will hit that. Discrimination is for assholes. Oh, right, and also Mel "Sugartits" Gibson. Ha ha, that guy hates stuff.
Now that that's out of the way, good Lord, what happened to this woman's face? Did she jet-ski into a coral reef?
Continue Reading "Scary Spice still looks questionably hot in bikini"
Mar 14 2008Scary Spice wears a bikini, I now know fear
These are shots of Melanie Brown vacationing in Miami with her husband Stephen Belafonte. You may know her as "Scary Spice" of the Spice Girls. However, after seeing these, I'm now changing her name to "Holy crap, hide your penis! Unless you're really really drunk then okay, maybe, sure I'd understand if you'd want to throw it in there because, yeah, alright, she's not that bad but only from certain angles - sort of Spice." Girl power!
Continue Reading "Scary Spice wears a bikini, I now know fear"
