Oct 1 2009Gwen Stefani likes small children to see her bra at the park and other news
- Jude Law's dramatic reading of Lady GaGa's "Poker Face." [PopEater]
- Gwyneth Paltrow gives investment advice to the peasants. Splendid. [Lainey Gossip]
- La Toya Jackson looks like Michael Jackson with breast implants. Where was she during Jesus Juice time? That's what I'm saying. [Drunken Stepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Kristin Cavallari says Brody Jenner was "very vanilla" in bed. I would've assumed he was more Cookies n' Douche. [Celebslam]
- Reese Witherspoon's chin is getting out of hand. Look, she almost stabbed Paul Rudd! Then who's going to star in every Judd Apatow movie? [PopSugar]
- Rachel Bilson wears jorts. [Just Jared]
- Rose McGowan has ditched Robert Rodriguez. Awesome, now somebody with breasts can play Barbarella as God intended it. [WonderWall]
- Leighton Meester, Blake Lively hasn't made me forget about you. Completely. For the most part. [ICYDK]
Scope Out (16) Pics of Gwen After the Jump
Continue Reading "Gwen Stefani likes small children to see her bra at the park and other news"
Jun 22 2009Lady Gaga understands showmanship
- Jessica Simpson's new reality show gets the green light. Because it's been far too long since America was reminded why she's our dumbest, breastiest treasure. [I'm Not Obsessed]
- Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal wear matching outfits. Wow, and I seriously thought Perez Hilton would be the gayest thing I wrote about all day. [Lainey Gossip]
- Paris Hilton does more damage to aquatic life than the Exxon Valdez. [The Blemish]
- Cameron Diaz just now gets one of those Hollywood Star dealies. Guess they wanted to wait for just before the hot ran out. [Just Jared]
- Lindsay Lohan spends her weekend crying outside Samantha Ronson's house. Let's be frank, she's homeless, isn't she? [Celebslam]
- Sienna Miller is back with Balthazar Getty which means he must've remarried already. Damn, that was fast. [PopSugar]
May 8 2009Reese Witherspoon is sporty
- Reese Witherspoon training to be a softball player. Think of her as your butch gym teacher that you wouldn't mind see kiss a girl. [ICYDK]
- Ryan Phillippe wears a wifebeater and takes his daughter Ava out for a bagel. Thnk of him as your butch gym teach- Wait, I already used that joke. [PopSugar]
- Sean Penn is officially on his way to divorce which means only one thing: Time for blonde highlights. Because, honestly, liberals aren't thought of as closet gays enough. Thanks, Sean Penn! [Jezebel]
- Daniel Radcliffe's has a new transvestite best friend. Okay, maybe those Harry Potter books do fuck a kid up. You win, church. [Best Week Ever]
- Justin Timberlake will be hosting SNL tomorrow night because, obviously, he hates having sex with Jessica Biel 24/7. That's like owning a motorcycle and not jumping over a helicopter with it. Sad. [Lainey Gossip]
- New Kids on the Block continue to get booked on The Today Show confirming what I've suspected all along. Matt Lauer is the missing Wahlberg brother. So, the prophecy was true! [Videogum]
May 4 2009Maggie Gyllenhaal & Peter Sarsgaard get married
Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard got married this weekend in Italy, according to People:
"We are happy to confirm that Maggie and Peter were married on Saturday, May 2," the actress's rep said in a statement to PEOPLE.
The celebration took place in a small chapel in Brindisi, according to European news reports. Among the guests were Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon.
Besides the obvious fact they're related, of course Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon were invited: They're the most boring couple alive! Those two make any couple look more interesting by comparison. True story: Jake and Reese were at a funeral once, and if given the option, I would've gone on a double date with the widow and the corpse. Hands down.
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Mar 23 2009Reese Witherspoon looking uncharacteristially hot
It's no secret Reese Witherspoon is the human equivalent of Ambien, so imagine my surprise when she showed up to the premiere of Monsters vs. Aliens yesterday in a pair of heels and short skirt. Granted, a children's movie probably isn't the best venue to debut your sexy new look, but not all of us crawl out of the womb armed to the teeth with class and debonair. Like myself and, to a lesser degree, that Pierce Brosnan fellow.
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Oct 3 2008Reese Witherspoon & Jake Gyllenhaal 'drifting apart' (NO! DAMN YOU, FATE!!)
Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal's oatmeal-esque relationship is hitting the rocks. While Jake is tied up filming the adaptation of the Prince of Persia video game, the long distance relationship isn't going well with Reese who should, seriously, try to work things out. I mean, it's not everyday you find a soulmate who shares your ability to bore someone to death during sex. That's a special bond, my friends. Star reports:
"This is his first epic, and his mind is on his work," a pal of Reese's tells Star. "They talk on the phone and e-mail, but he's not 'there.' Reese is wondering if this is how it's going to be between them every time he's out of the country filming."
The relationship hit such a rough patch that Reese, 32, flew to London for a quick rendezvous with Jake, 27, at The Dorchester hotel in mid-September.
"They really needed to reconnect and remember why they were in a relationship in the first place," says another source.
It looks like Jake Gyllenhaal's success is putting a wet blanket on his love life - which was already a wet blanket. So I'm assuming that's bad or something, I dunno. I don't do laundry.
Feb 21 2008Christina Ricci is world's sexiest elf
Christina Ricci attended the premiere of her new movie Penelope last night in LA. What I admire most about Christina Ricci is how she balances her acting career with her sacred duties to bake fresh batches of E.L. Fudge's every night in a tree. I tried to find that tree once but gave up after a bear ate my Indian guide's arm. In hindsight, maybe I shouldn't have sprayed the chief with honey then kicked a sleeping bear in the stomach. Live and learn, I guess.
NOTE: I like how Reese Witherspoon showed up to the premiere looking like your mom. Before the show, she probably turned to her stylist and said "Make me look 40 - but with menopause!" Mission accomplished.
Nov 13 2007Ryan Phillippe likes to cry
As if sensing that I needed validation for my post where I claim Ryan Phillippe’s son would rather be the offspring of a pizza delivery driver, Us Weekly brings us news that Ryan bawled and cried like a little girl after his divorce from Reese Witherspoon:
“I was a physical wreck. I wanted to die…. I was ready to kill myself. I was not taking care of myself at all. I would wake up and cry and vomit.”
However, the experience has made Ryan Phillippe a better actor. He can now cry on cue:
“Now, it’s fucking easy," he says. "When I was younger, I didn’t have enough to cry about. But since I’ve had kids, I feel my work has become better, because my life is fuller and more complicated, and I’ve experienced so many highs and lows.”
Alright, let's talk about crying. If a man’s seeing a beautiful woman naked for the first time and tears fill his eyes; not very cool. Perhaps he’d cry less if it were a dude. If he's been shot in the stomach and probably going to die, it’s marginally acceptable to cry but frowned upon. There’s really only one acceptable time for a grown man to cry, and that's when one of those Ewoks dies in Return of the Jedi. I mean, not that I do or anything. So what if they’re just cute, innocent little teddy bears that live in trees and want to blow stuff up. That doesn’t get to me. *sniff* No, man, I’m a castle of manliness. *sniff* Excuse me, I’m going to curl up in the fetal position for a little while and, uh, think about how much I love girls and steaks. And fixing tanks with my shirt off. Yeah, all that stuff I just said.
