Jun 11 2008Pete Doherty thinks he's Jesus
Pete Doherty commissioned a sculpture of himself being crucified Jesus-style. Apparently, Pete and his friend artist Nick Reynolds feel Pete is a tortured Messiah, according to The Sun:
The “disturbing artwork” will be carved in marble and show Doherty being tortured, surrounded by strips of newspapers — symbolising his crucifixion by the media. Reynolds insists he came up with the idea a long time ago and it has taken three years to come to fruition.
The Sun received behind-the-scenes photos of the sculpting process from Pete and the irony wasn't lost on them:
Unfortunately Pete looks more like Han Solo when he is in his carbon coffin in Jabba’s Palace in Star Wars than Michaelangelo’s David.
The exclusive behind-the-scenes pictures above of Pete’s plaster session were given to me — for a bit of publicity. Er, just a minute. Any slight contradiction here, Mr Doherty?
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, Pete Doherty comparing himself to Jesus is understandable. They're both imaginary characters. Makes sense. But Pete Doherty as Han Motherfucking Solo?! BLASPHEMY!
May 20 2008Amy Winehouse & Pete Doherty make a YouTube video
Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty made a YouTube video together (after the jump) that can only be described as "WHAT THE DOUBLE FUCK?!" It's essentially the two of them playing with, no joke, newborn mice and babbling incoherently. Though at one point, Amy uses them to deliver a message to her incarcerated husband Blake. BBC News reports:
"This one's got a message from Blake," she says. "Blake, please don't divorce mummy. She loves you ever so. Hang on, my big brother wants to say something."
Taking another mouse from Doherty, she continues: "Yeah, if you divorce her you'll have me to deal with. I'm only a day old. I don't know what I'm doing but I know what love is."
If Pete Doherty, drugs and baby mice can't save a marriage, then, shit, I don't know what can. Oh, wait, yes I do: FUCKING THERAPY! Get some, lady. And tons of it. If you don't think things are that bad, here's a newsflash: Pete Doherty - not a figment of your imagination. Uh huh, that thing is real. Kind of blows your mind doesn't it, Amy? ... Amy? Are you even listening to me or just eating the china cabinet?
Thanks to Sexyonia who doesn't think mice should be used as pawns in relationship drama. However, they work nicely on a chess board. Check, mate!
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May 16 2008Amy Winehouse & Pete Doherty get the munchies, crack-larity ensues
Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty continued to party as if they're the last zombies on Earth. Looking at pics from last night, I think it's safe to say these two shouldn't be allowed in the same room. Or country. Nay - hemisphere! You know what? Fuck it. Can't we just send one of them to the moon? I mean, it'll be easy. Just tell them it's a really big ball of space-crack. They'll find a way up. Which may or may not involve Amy tying M-80s to Pete's shoes. (Fingers crossed!)
Thanks to Karen who's happy to be in New Zealand far way from these two. Unless they learn to swim then, my God, none of us are safe...
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May 14 2008Pete Doherty, quit Bogart-ing all the Winehouse. Jerk.
Either I'm hallucinating from the bottle of Benadryl I just downed (stupid allergies) or God really hates my eyes - with a vengeance generally reserved for Revelations. These are pics of Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty sharing a creepy-ass kiss at a party she threw last night. I gotta admit, partying with Amy Winehouse would be off the chain gang. I mean, you know you're going to see a human corpse by the end of the night. And I'm not just talking about Amy.
Thanks to Hattie who's a Hottie Boom-Blattie.
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Mar 17 2008Happy St. Patrick's Day, drunkies!
Happy St. Patrick's Day, everybody! Be safe out there and try not to drink too much because I need you bright-eyed and bushy-tailed to give me site traffic in the morning. See? I care. Now to continue celebrating this momentous day. I already started this morning by pouring Guinness on me Lucky Charms. And also me cereal. Hi-yo! Drink responsibly, folks, and remember, stealing a cop's horse is technically not a form of designated driving. No matter how many carrots you feed it at the strip club which, seriously, I still don't get.
NOTE:: The above photo is Pete Doherty. To anyone who thinks it's actually me, wow, I've never been so insulted in my life. Even that one time I made love to a woman and she laughed afterwards then called me Two Seconds McTinyBalls III.
Feb 14 2008Pete Doherty does children parties
Everyone's favorite crackhead/cartoon character Pete Doherty is available for your little one's next birthday party. Pete's only charging $200 which is quite the bargain. Page Six reports:
"The birthday girl's dad told him she was a huge fan," one source told the Showbiz Spy Web site. "Pete was flattered and happy to oblige. He turned up and played his big hits. Everyone had a great time."
I'm totally hiring Pete for my nephew's birthday. But only as a backup in case the zoo won't let me rent a lion. My plan is to let it just roam free around the backyard while the kids pelt it with candy. Should be a good time. If that falls through, I guess I'll let Pete Doherty play a few songs. But only if he's in a glass cage. I don't need my nephew catching scurvy. You gotta take precautions with kids these days.
Dec 20 2007Kate Moss is suing Pete Doherty over sex tape
Kate Moss is suing Pete Doherty to prevent him from releasing a sex tape the two made during their cocaine-fueled relationship. Page Six reports:
The Babyshambles frontman is negotiating with Britain's ITV2 network to tell all about their romance and share his home videos of her in a documentary titled "Kate & Pete: A Love Story." Doherty, who split with Moss last summer, could make $1 million, a source said, adding, "Producers hope he'll let them use a lot of film he and Kate shot on camcorders."
What kind of idiot pays $1 million to show footage of Pete Doherty naked? That’s the worst business investment I’ve ever heard in my life. Sure, there’d be some nude Kate Moss in it, but that’s not worth the price of seeing Pete Doherty’s coke-shrunken penis. No one wants to see that. Well, except maybe Amy Winehouse. But only because Pete told her it could control the weather.
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Dec 18 2007Pete Doherty is a 'scumbag'
Pete Doherty is a “scumbag,” according to Amy Winehouse’s father Mitch. Amy has been spending a lot of time with Pete Doherty while her husband is in jail and her father is not having it. The Daily Mail reports:
It has been claimed that Mitch smacked Doherty and hit him with a guitar at the Brixton concert.
Speaking to Grazia magazine, Mitch said: "I do worry about people like Pete Doherty though. He's a scumbag. I flipped when I saw him sitting with Amy backstage at her Brixton gig. That night I went crazy. My wife thought I was going to have a heart attack, I was apoplectic..."
Hold on a second. Pete Doherty got hit by a guitar and didn’t shatter into a thousand pieces of crack? Sonofabitch. Here I had all these plans for punching Pete in his cartoon head and making a hefty profit after I swept his face into a dustpan. I even drew blueprints of me with dollar signs for eyes while standing over a stick figure with no head. It was very scientific.
