Mar 26 2008Heather Mills can't live on $48.6 million

Let's say you just won $48.6 million. What would be the first thing you would do? Me? After pissing my pants, I'd run around town throwing hundred bills at squirrels. Then come back under the cover of darkness and kick their asses until they gave it back. As for Heather Mills the first thing she did is hire forensic accountants to pore over Paul McCartney's assets because, apparently, she can't get by on $48.6 million. Of course, she's mainly concerned about her daugher Bea. I mean, how can she raise a child on such meager funds? The Daily Mail reports:

"Heather's thinking is that Bea should not be seen to have a different lifestyle when she is with Heather compared to Paul - and she is going about proving that is not possible. "Heather is hoping Paul will discretely make a payment to her annually rather than want to go back to court and rake all this up again."

I don't want to point fingers and call Heather Mills a gold digger. But if you opened the trunk of her car you'd probably find a pick ax and, let's be real, a dead prospector. I'm not saying Heather Mills strangled him for his claim, but I'm also not saying he wasn't beaten with a wooden leg.

Mar 19 2008Heather Mills' cash grab wages on!

It's clearly whores and prostitutes week here on The Superficial. Continuing that trend is the one-legged wonder Heather Mills. She's already bilked Paul McCartney out of $48.6 million and is now trying to cash in even further by auctioning off exclusive interviews. Page Six reports:

One insider said Mills is demanding 1 million British pounds - or slightly more than $2 million - to not only talk, but share intimate photos and tape recordings she made of the ex-Beatle without his knowledge. Mills is also said to be pitching to American networks, which could get around their "we don't pay for news" proclamations by paying for her pictures and tapes. "She's greedy," said a person who knows of Mills' dealings. "She should just go away, but she loves the spotlight and the attention."

I guess Heather's sticking to the trusty habit of opening her mouth then getting paid for it. Ha cha cha cha! But, no, seriously, someone needs to fill this woman's leg with termites.

Mar 18 2008Heather Mills soaked Paul's attorney in court

Heather Mills apparently dumped water over the head of Paul McCartney's divorce lawyer yesterday during the court hearing that awarded Heather a ridiculous $48.6 million. Heather was adament about not having the full judgment published which it was and you can view right here! God bless you, Internet. The Daily Mirror reports:

"She's worried about how the full judgment will make her look if it's published - and she doesn't want to go there.
"Her conduct during the divorce is being questioned. She was so angry she tipped a glass of water over Fiona Shackleton's head leaving her with soaking wet hair.
"Everyone was stunned. That kind of behaviour is just not acceptable."

Wow, so not only did Heather Mills get paid a shitload of cash for having sex with Paul McCartney. She became violent when she wasn't getting paid on her terms. Hmm, I believe there's a word for that also*. What is it again? It's right on the tip of my tongue. Ah, yes: Superhero.

*For those of you who caught the gag yesterday, link goes right to Ashley Alexandra Dupre. Read: Heather Mills is a prostitute. And for $48.6 million her vagina better be lined with gold and have its own water park.

Mar 17 2008Heather Mills gets buttload of cash from Paul McCartney

I haven't been following the Heather Mills/Paul McCartney 80-year-long divorce battle because, frankly, anything to do with The Beatles makes me want to go into a coma. However, today a judge awarded Heather Mills a whopping $48.6 million in the divorce settlement, according to the AP:

A document released by the Family Court said the judge awarded Mills a lump sum of $33 million plus the assets she currently holds worth $15.6 million.
"I'm so, so happy with this," Mills told reporters following the closed hearing.

Clearly you are happy, Heather Mills, judging by your well-deserved thumbs up. You had sex with Paul McCartney then walked away with a gigantic chunk of his cash. I believe there's a word for that*. What is it again? Oh, right: Hero.

*Click on link for full effect. Please. I'll be your best friend.

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