Dec 8 2008Jennifer Love Hewitt eats food (And other stuff that happened)
Things that occurred:
- Jennifer Love Hewitt loves cheeseburgers. I knew it! [Me]
- Ginnifer Goodwin and Chris Klein break up. Two people found that news interesting; I'll let you guess who they are. [People]
- Jennifer Aniston says her private life is "none of your fucking business" during press junket. Meanwhile, Owen Wilson repeatedly leaves the room to get high. That actually wasn't a joke. [USA Today]
- Mary-Kate Olsen tries to shoot down pregnancy rumors by drinking and smoking all weekend. Hope her kid likes Down Syndrome. [Page Six]
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May 19 2008Kate Hudson dating Lance Armstrong, this celeb-banging train waits for no man! (That means you, Owen Wilson.)
Kate Hudson is wasting no time getting over Owen Wilson and has moved on to champion cyclist Lance Armstrong. I guess the only way for me to touch that butt is to stop using training wheels. But what if I get an ouchie?! Us Magazine reports:
The new couple went on a cozy dinner date at Chuy's Hula Hut in Austin, Texas, according to a source. On Saturday night, the pair joined a group of six, including two women and four children.
"They seemed like they were having a great time," a fellow diner tells Usmagazine.com.
While this news proves that Kate Hudson has a healthy love of the penis (Say, has she met John Mayer?), it is admittedly kind of dull. So, I added some bikini pics of Kate from an old post to spice things up. I swear, you guys must read this site and think you're on C-SPAN - but with more journalistic integrity than you can shake a boob at.
May 16 2008Kate Hudson & Owen Wilson stop having random sex with each other
Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson have officially broken up - again. Oh no. This can't end well. Especially when one of Owen's pals makes the following comment to People:
"It was a pretty bad breakup," says a Wilson pal. "Owen said it was a tough one. He definitely doesn't want to dwell on it. He wants to put it behind him."
Yikes! Somebody hide the heroin. But, in all seriousness, I can't even get myself worked up over these two. Not when freaking Lana left Clark last night on Smallville. I'm still crying! I mean, damn, is there hope for anybody in this topsy-turvy world! *kicks down cubicle* WHAT IS THERE TO LIVE FOR?!? I CAN'T-- Ooh, mini-eclairs! Nice. Say, can we get a janitor to clean this mess up? I, uh, saw a pack of Shriners plow through here on their karts. Yeah, Shriners...
May 12 2008Kate Hudson & Owen Wilson engaged - or not?
Owen Wilson, no doubt riding the dragon again, allegedly proposed to Kate Hudson who, uh, wow seems to be wearing my grandmother's curtains. I have no freaking clue what's going on there except Kate better steer clear of any cats and/or open flames. The Sun reports:
"Kate supported Owen during his low patch and that proved to him she’s the woman he wants to be with for ever. He picked out the ring and went for the biggest one he could find. He was nervous about proposing but Kate was thrilled and the whole thing was really emotional. The engagement is a natural step forward for them both and Kate’s ecstatic."
However, Us Magazine claims to have exclusive confirmation from Kate and Owen's rep that they are not engaged:
She's definitely not engaged," a rep for Hudson tells Usmagazine.com. A rep for Wilson, 39, also confirms the rumors are wrong.
The reason for the false uproar? Hudson, 29, was spotted wearing a diamond ring in Boston.
"She's shooting a movie called Bride Wars, which explains the ring," adds her rep.
So who do you believe? On the one hand, you have The Sun which is, well, The Sun. On the other you have Us Magazine which thinks The Hills is real. Who do you trust? It's like choosing between your retarded cousin that likes Nickelback or a ham sandwich. But only one can pass the mustard. Ha! Get it? Sandwich? Mustard? It's almost like pure comedy flows through my vein- Ack! Jimmy Fallon's trying to harvest my funny! Quick, someone get him to say his name backwards!
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Mar 18 2008Jennifer Aniston wears short shorts
Here's shots of Jennifer Aniston wearing short shorts on the set of her new movie Marley & Me where she may or may not be riding horses made of butterscotch with Owen Wilson. Or something to that effect. These pictures might not have anything to do with anything but I just stared into Amy Winehouse's melted face, so I desperately need something hot. And right about now that bar is pretty low. I'm talking core of the Earth low. You could put a baked potato in a Speedo and I'd probably be turned on. State of Idaho, let's get freaky.
Mar 12 2008Owen Wilson to Jennifer Aniston: Kate who?
Owen Wilson is apparently tired of Kate Hudson's heavenly ass and is moving on to Jennifer Aniston. The two are currently filming Marley & Me in Miami and their on-screen romance is moving off-screen, according to Star: Or at least easily rumored to be thanks to tons of pictures of them, oh, I dunno, playing husband and wife:
"The hugging didn't end when the cameras stopped rolling," one crew member tells Star. "They were very flirty together, far more than you would expect. In between takes they were hanging onto each other. They are very friendly."
It looks like Owen Wilson is picking up Brad Pitt's leftovers. In the future, look for Owen to be romantically linked to Gwyneth Paltrow, Angelina Jolie and finally George Clooney. What? You know it happened. Or was that a dream I had which I vowed never to tell anyone... Ah, shit.
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Mar 7 2008Kate Hudson went to Miami for Owen Wilson
Kate Hudson's recent trip to Miami is reportedly all about spending time with Owen Wilson. Owen's in town filming Marley & Me with Jennifer Aniston. Kate just happened to have some free time to jet down to Florida to rekindle their romance and become the subject of intense pregnancy rumors until she shut everyone up by wearing a bikini. If only more women would solve their problems with such bravery and bikini-ness. (Katie Price lingerie models excluded.) NY Daily News has the details:
Although they successfully avoided the paparazzi, a pal tells us they enjoyed alone time at night at Wilson's Star Island bachelor pad. "They rekindled things over Oscar weekend at Madonna's big bash, and their schedules happened to sync perfectly for a Miami trip," the friend tells us.
I know a lot of you are probably bitching, "So what?" Everyone knows her and Owen are getting back together and I shouldn't even make a post about them. May I direct your attention to the butt? I rest my case. This court finds The Superficial Writer not-guilty on charges of "non-news" and deems him more manly than a lumberjack driving a tank. Case dismissed! Holy crap, my words just owned you. Now, seriously, look at that toosh and try not to send Owen Wilson a free bag of heroin. It's impossible. Now, which is faster: FedEx or UPS?
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Feb 28 2008Kate Hudson hooking up with Owen Wilson
Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson are supposedly rekindling their relationship. This can not end well. Too soon? Nah, just right. Here's what Us Weekly has to say:
Now that Wilson, 39, is healthy again – he presented an award at Sunday's Academy Awards – he and Hudson may be rebuilding their romance, Us Weekly reports.
"They are hooking up," a Wilson insider told Us. Confirms a Hudson source, "They have definitely been talking, hanging out and, yes, hooking up."
However, just last week I posted that Kate and Justin Timberlake were getting no-pants friendly which Us Weekly also mentions in their article. So, I guess I can just start writing daily posts with the generic headline "Kate Hudson bangs someone new." Chances are it'll be true. And at the rate she's going, Kate Hudson will be doing chicks by spring. Then it will be my sacred journalistic duty to find every single pic of those hookups. I can almost taste that Pulitzer. No, wait, it's the breakfast burrito I just ate. Extra onions was a bad choice. Hey, Frank the intern, come over and smell my breath. *breathes* Ha ha! Frank? Frank, wake up. Not again- Medic!
