Aug 4 2009Nicollette Sheridan in a bikini
Here's Nicollete Sheridan in Malibu Sunday and whenever she's in a bikini I always comment on how awesome she looks for her age. So I'm going to try something different today and comment on how awesome I look to someone her age: Like a grandson you can have sex with. You know what? Let's not do that and stick with the ol' tried and true before I can never look at my grandmother again. Now, where was I? Oh, right. 45?! DAY-AMN!
Scope Out (20) Pics of Nicolette After the Jump
Apr 22 2009Beyonce doesn't sound like her songs? I'm shocked.
- Beyonce's real singing voice or that time I thought my cat was a beautiful woman? I mean, not that you're not, Whiskers. Who's a good girl? [Jezebel] UPDATE: TMZ confirms it's a hoax.
- Michael Phelps is apparently dating Miss California Carrie Prejean. Because there's something to be said about vigorous dry-humping after reading the Bible. But not really. [Allie is Wired]
- Nicollete Sheridan gets killed off Desperate Housewives, and nobody watches. Except a tearful Michael Bolton. "Tell me how am I supposed to live without you... Oh, wait. I'm rich. To the Whores Room!" [Vulture]
- Paris Hilton allowed near African royalty. Christ, haven't these people suffered enough? This is probably a good time for our president to say "Aw, hellll no." [PopSugar]
- Billy Bob Thornton thinks you're a "humpback geek" for noticing when he acts like an asshole in international news. -- But still think he's cool, alright? Please? He'll say the "French fried potater" line. [Videogum]
- Bo Bice gets his own trading card. Yes, Virginia, there is a Satan. And he loves American Idol. [Best Week Ever]
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Nov 22 2008Nicollette Sheridan & David Spade: Why not?
Middle-aged? Recently dumped by your respectable-looking musician boyfriend/husband? Don't worry. David Spade's gonna make everything alright. OK! Magazine reports:
The Desperate Housewives star was celebrating her 45th birthday at new L.A. hot spot Luau in Beverly Hills — the same place they were spotted together a few weeks ago at the grand opening — and onlookers tell OK!, "Nicolette and David were full-on making out!"
The duo arrived separately and even started the dinner at separate booths but couldn't resist each other for long! According to witnesses, Spade winked at Sheridan and stood at her side while she blew out the candles on her cake. After that, the two retreated to a booth where they cuddled and kissed.
Is there anyone David Spade hasn't banged? From Heather Locklear to Playboy Bunnies to now Nicollete Sheridan, the guy's penis has been there. Obviously, women find it attractive when a small man makes love to them then vanishes in a "POOF" of green clovers and red balloons.
I should be writing this down...
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Oct 6 2008Nicollette Sheridan in a bikini is the antidote
These are shots of Desperate Housewives star Nicollette Sheridan in Malibu yesterday. Will someone explain to me how the hell Michael Bolton breaks up with that? Seriously, she's got to be the hottest 44-year-old woman on the planet. In fact, if you slapped bikinis on all the hot 44-year-olds out there and put them in a room, Nicollette would own them all. Then again, we should probably make them pillow fight first. Not for me, of course, but for science.
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Aug 27 2008Nicollette Sheridan & Michael Bolton call off engagement
Nicollette Sheridan and Michael Bolton are no longer getting married, E! News reports:
They "have amicably ended their engagement," Sheridan's rep said in a statement Tuesday. "They appreciate your respect for their privacy in this matter."
Hey, life sucks then you die. What I'm more concerned with is how the hell is Nicollette Sheridan's nipples practically visible through a sweat suit? Those things are fucking bionic. Someone get this chick in the ring with Jennifer Aniston and crank up the A/C. There can be only one!
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Dec 27 2007Nicollette Sheridan is still wearing a bikini
Nicollette Sheridan enjoyed some more of her holiday vacation in St. Barts. She sported a new bikini then decided to do a little jogging ala Baywatch. They should really consider remaking that show and I nominate Nicollette for the role of Mitch. I know what you’re thinking: that’s a man’s role. But, if we’re to truly honor the artistry of David Hasselhoff, Mitch should be played by someone that has boobs both equally old yet awesome like the Hoff’s. Did I just say the Hoff’s breasts are awesome? You tell me.*
* Answer: Yes!
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Dec 26 2007Nicollette Sheridan’s bikini is Fa la la awesome
Nicollette Sheridan went to St. Barts for Christmas with her fiancé singer Michael Bolton. I’m tempted to hand Nicollette the coveted award for “Hottest Old Chick of 2007” right now because she is smoking. But I need to be objective and maintain my journalistic integrity. I still have to judge the swimsuit competition at the nursing home this weekend. There might be a looker in the bunch. Then I'll court her with promises of shuffleboard and peanut brittle. It's almost too easy...
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