Oct 8 2009This is where I want to be buried. Right between here.
Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis attended the American Ballet Theater 2009 Fall Gala last night and I still don't believe these two are going to be in a movie where they have insane lesbian sex together. It's logistically impossible. It'd be like trying to film the Ark of the Covenant after you opened it. There'd be nothing but melted cameras and faces all over the place, and probably even some dead Nazis and Harrison Ford carrying a bullwhip, I'm not ruling anything out.
Continue Reading "This is where I want to be buried. Right between here."
Sep 17 2009Natalie Portman at TIFF and other news
- Kelly Clarkson continues to go after Kanye West. Though he shouldn't be concerned until she draws him a piping hot bath with sliced carrots in it. [PopEater]
- Paris Hilton might be the reason behind Avril Lavgine's divorce. Because everything she touches turns to dust. Or itches. Either one. [Lainey Gossip]
- Kellan Lutz shirtless and working out. Considering this a little something for all the ladies who suffered through Nipple Morning. Who loves ya? [Just Jared]
- Tom Cruise says sex with him is "like flying." Provided the aircraft is small and lands up a man's ass. [PopSugar]
- Chace Crawford is banging Bar Refaeli. I weep now. [Celebslam]
- Mischa Barton is doing a fantastic job staying sober. And by fantastic I mean Jack Daniels and Quaaludes. [The Blemish]
- Joe Francis gets kicked out of a club at the behest of a Brody Jenner hanger-on?! THE MAN BROUGHT US GIRLS GONE WILD! [Socialite Life]
- Lisa Kudrow : time :: Rihanna : Chris Brown. [ICYDK]
Aug 27 2009Kim Kardashian is a water goddess and other news
- Chris Brown will appear on Larry King Live - with his mommy and lawyer beside him. Seriously, how big of a pussy is this kid that he's afraid of questions from an octogenarian? Give it to me straight. [Lainey Gossip]
- Jeremy Piven has been vindicated for his departure from the David Mamet play Speed the Plow after an arbiter ruled he did not breach his contract. After the proceedings, the arbiter was generously tipped with Entourage Season 2 on DVD and is now suing to reverse his decision. [PopEater]
- Kristen Stewart is getting naked in an upcoming independent film. Now you ladies can see what your dear Edward's been hitting while your boyfriend masturbates under a blanket. It's the perfect date movie! [Celebslam]
- Natalie Portman enjoys rap songs about penises. Seriously. [PopSugar]
- Kate Gosselin makes Target employees escort her to car as if their lives aren't shitty enough. Nice one. [Just Jared]
- Anne Heche hates her ex-husband. Maybe you've heard. [The Blemish]
- Shania Twain proves she's learned her lesson about men - by getting married again. Smart! [ICYDK]
- George Clooney broke his hand after accidentally slamming it in a car door. And by car door I mean 20 naked cocktail waitresses. [Wonderwall]
Continue Reading "Kim Kardashian is a water goddess and other news"
May 17 2009Natalie Portman denies Sean Penn rumors
Natalie Portman wants to make it abundantly clear she is not banging 48-year-old Sean Penn. The 27-year-old actress issued the following statement to Extra:
"Sean Penn is a friend and colleague. The reports that we are romantically involved are completely untrue. I normally do not respond to rumors about my private life, however, this repeatedly fabricated story has forced me to do so."
Notice how Natalie only denied being "romantically involved." Last time I checked, you didn't have to be romantic to get naked. You could simply be drunk, bored or hanging out with an Oscar-winning actor who recently separated from his wife. Whatever floats your boat.
NOTE: Apparently you can see 1/25th of Natalie's areola. I meant to do that.
May 14 2009Natalie Portman's underwear
Here's Natalie Portman on the set of her new film Hesher, and yes, that's her underwear. Not exactly the prettiest of settings, but beggars can't be choosers. In the meantime, why do her legs always look like she just kickboxed Dolph Lundgren for 24 hours straight? They were the same way in Hotel Chevalier. Does she fight crime at night or something? I mean, besides in my head while wearing a Wonder Woman costume. That's invisible.
May 6 2009Rihanna flees to the east coast
- Rihanna hunts for apartments in New York while Chris Brown hunts for a new woman. Literally. He's got a tranq gun. [ICYDK]
- George Clooney was apparently America's handsomest baby. At least that's what all seven nurses in the delivery room said after the sex. [PopSugar]
- Miss California might be stripped of her title for making unauthorized appearances campaigning against gay marriage and posing nude while underage. For those keeping score at home, add "jaiblait porn" to the list of things Jesus approves of besides gay marriage. [Best Week Ever]
- Bristol Palin says she's for abstinence now after becoming The Candies Foundation Teen Ambassador. Still got that Jesus list out? Add "marketing sexy perfume to young girls" and "blatant hypocrisy." I'm thinking somewhere between "blatant hypocrisy" and "fake tits." [Jezebel]
- Natalie Portman gets interviewed by Zach Galifianakis. In related news, I don't smoke near enough weed. [Allie is Wired]
- Nicole Kidman's Schweppe's commercial doesn't really sell soft drinks as much as it encourages teaching young Indian girls to cocktease strange men. Fun Fact: I'm not joking. [Videogum]
Apr 23 2009Michelle Williams & Spike Jonze getting married?
- Michelle Williams and Spike Jonze are rumored to marry this summer. Unless, of course, Mary-Kate Olsen kills him first. -- Too soon? [I'm Not Obsessed]
- Kevin Federline to become NutriSystem spokesman. Right after he challenges Britney to a pie-eating contest. UPDATE: She won. And doctors are confident they can reattach Jayden's finger. [Celebslam]
- Lindsay Lohan claims Natalie Portman has been her rock during break up with Samantha Ronson. WTF? That's like me saying Spider-man and I grab drinks every Thursday. Wait, that's true. Bad example. [Lainey Gossip]
- Hugh Jackman shoots down rumors he's gay in this Sunday's Parade magazine. Senior citizens across America will be pleased. Then take a nap. [Just Jared]
- Brad Pitt is learning how to fly. Who would win in a fight: Brad in a plane or Superman? But it's the gay Bryan Singer one. Discuss. [Pink is the New Blog]
- Nick Cannon and SpongeBob heart Earth Day. How does this guy have sex with Mariah Carey? Not counting she's crazy. [MTV Buzzworthy]
- Mel Gibson's mistress plays the piano in her lingerie. Which is cool. I play the saxophone in a Speedo. (Ladies?) We should jam sometime. [Radar Online]
CONTEST: OK! Magazine is giving away tickets to see the finale of American Idol along with a $500 shopping spree. So, if you enjoy people singing and money, scope it out.
Continue Reading "Michelle Williams & Spike Jonze getting married?"
Mar 25 2009Natalie Portman caught with Sean Penn
In the biggest liberal conspiracy since the discovery of science, Sean Penn was recently caught making out with Natalie Portman at the Sunset Towers Hotel, according to Star:
"They went to a bank of elevators that only goes to the spa or to private rooms," an eyewitness tells Star. "They came back about 45 minutes later, and that's when I saw them making out."
"There's a door outside of the hotel's Tower Bar that has a bridge to the terrace, so it's semi-private," the eyewitness explains. "I used that path to get to the restroom, and when I came back, I had to go through some curtains -- and that's when I interrupted Sean and Natalie! When they saw me, they were startled and quickly composed themselves."
Here's where I have to question Sean Penn's manhood: If someone catches you making out with Natalie Portman, you don't stop EVER. I don't care if it's Robin Wright Penn wielding a chainsaw, you keep going, dammit. God knows I would. Padme? -- Er, Natalie?
