Sep 22 2009There is no Mischa Barton, there is only Zuul.
Mischa Barton is about to crazy her way out of a job, according to Page Six:
A source on the set of her CW show, "The Beautiful Life," says Barton shows up to work so bleary some days that it holds up filming. One day, says a source, "she was getting snippy with the director and kept demanding that someone make instant coffee for her. Often, she'll stare at the coffee for minutes at a time and say, 'Who will fix my coffee? I need someone to fix my coffee.' "
You know what I like about Mischa Barton? You know what you're getting into upfront. All the batshit's out in the open, so there's no surprises. Unlike some women who pretend to be sane until you sleep with their sister. Then suddenly they're throwing your Xbox out the window and threatening to break up with you. Cuckoo.
Continue Reading "There is no Mischa Barton, there is only Zuul."
Sep 17 2009Natalie Portman at TIFF and other news
- Kelly Clarkson continues to go after Kanye West. Though he shouldn't be concerned until she draws him a piping hot bath with sliced carrots in it. [PopEater]
- Paris Hilton might be the reason behind Avril Lavgine's divorce. Because everything she touches turns to dust. Or itches. Either one. [Lainey Gossip]
- Kellan Lutz shirtless and working out. Considering this a little something for all the ladies who suffered through Nipple Morning. Who loves ya? [Just Jared]
- Tom Cruise says sex with him is "like flying." Provided the aircraft is small and lands up a man's ass. [PopSugar]
- Chace Crawford is banging Bar Refaeli. I weep now. [Celebslam]
- Mischa Barton is doing a fantastic job staying sober. And by fantastic I mean Jack Daniels and Quaaludes. [The Blemish]
- Joe Francis gets kicked out of a club at the behest of a Brody Jenner hanger-on?! THE MAN BROUGHT US GIRLS GONE WILD! [Socialite Life]
- Lisa Kudrow : time :: Rihanna : Chris Brown. [ICYDK]
Sep 11 2009Jennifer Connelly is nipplely and other news
- Matt Damon and Brad Pitt tell an Italian reporter George Clooney is gay. Nakedness ensues. [PopEater]
- Kate Hudson's lack of breasts has its advantages. [Lainey Gossip]
- Jaleel White has an entourage who feel they're entitled to things besides laughter and a high five from Reginald VelJohnson. [Celebslam]
- John Mayer still thinks it's ironic to dress like it's 1985. [PopSugar]
- Mischa Barton is still blaming her wisdom teeth for a trip to the psych ward. But then again she is crazy. [Celebitchy]
- Audrina Patridge has a stalker. Just in time for her new movie to open. Who could've predicted that besides pretty much everybody? [Wonderwall]
- Penelope Cruz does NOT have a miniature Javier Bardem in her uterus. [ICYDK]
- Jennifer Aniston wants to take time off from acting which is funny because I can't remember the last time I watched a movie with her in it. What was that one where they were always at that coffee shop? [Parade]
Continue Reading "Jennifer Connelly is nipplely and other news"
Sep 8 2009Kim Kardashian's only talent and other news
- George Clooney actually looks pussy-whipped at the Venice Film Festival. I smell an impostor. Pull his beard off! [Lainey Gossip]
- Gavin Rossdale thinks leather pants are suitable attire for a tennis match. Then again, he sticks his penis in Gwen Stefani. Carry on. [Just Jared]
- Tyra Banks is apparently bald. [PopEater]
- Kourtney Kardashian's boyfriend hangs out with Kevin Federline now. Which means he's either learning how to cash a support check at the liquor store or which sweatpants hold the most chicken wings. [Celebslam]
- Cameron Diaz and Seth Rogen film The Green Hornet. [PopSugar]
- Mischa Barton maintains a strict fitness regimen. With Big Macs. [The Blemish]
- Karina Smirnoff and Maksim Chmerkovskiy are no longer having insane dancer sex that would break most mere mortal's bones. (Note: Talking about you people. Not me. Karina?) [Socialite Life]
Continue Reading "Kim Kardashian's only talent and other news"
Aug 11 2009Layla Kayleigh poses for PETA and other news
- Larry King needs to admit he's in an abusive relationship. Or is a pirate. Either one. [Celebslam]
- Jennifer Hudson gave birth to a baby boy. [PopEater]
- Kate Hudson is A-Rod's personal cheerleader whose vagina isn't a sarcophagus. That would probably make me do my job better, too. Just a tad. [Lainey Gossip]
- Kate Gosselin pretends to love her children in front of the paparazzi. [OK! Magazine]
- Emmy Rossum was secretly married to her ex Justin Siegel which is funny because I secretly don't give a shit. Dammit! I ruined the surprise. [Just Jared]
- Mischa Barton is that crazy person at work everyone's afraid to fire because she'll go on a desk-crapping rampage. It's science. [PopSugar]
- Lindsay Lohan's freckles are trying to spell something. "M-U-S-T F-I-N-D P-E-N-I-S. C-A-N-T L-I-V-E O-N V-A-G-I-N-A A-N-Y-M-O-R-E. 8-6-7-5-3-0-9?" [ICYDK]
Enlarged Version of Layla After the Jump
Continue Reading "Layla Kayleigh poses for PETA and other news"
Aug 4 2009Mischa Barton really learned her lesson
It's pretty much a given that Mischa Barton's excessive partying led to her mental breakdown a few weeks back. So it's comforting to see her out drinking again and basically going batshit. Page Six reports:
Saturday night, Barton was spotted "having a disastrous dinner" with a group of girls at Sant Ambroeus in the West Village. "She was upset and talking frantically into her phone about having a stalker," said our spy. "Her friends were trying to console her, but she went outside and chain-smoked cigarettes." Sunday night, she wore an unflattering tight black dress to the Cooper Square Hotel for the Carrera Summer Escape party, where someone spilled a drink on her.
And by someone they, of course, mean Mischa. Although in her defense, only gin will get Gremlins out of your dress.
Aug 3 2009Jude Law's Baby Mama and other news
- Aubrey O'Day debuts "Party All the Time" EXCLUSIVELY on CELEBUZZ.
- Katherine Jackson suspects "foul play" in Michael's death and that he didn't die of "natural causes." Huh. I would've never guessed... [PopEater]
- Alexander Skarsgard is a great kisser, according to Lady GaGa. You know what else he'd be great at? PLAYING FUCKING THOR. /nerd alert [Just Jared]
- Jackson Rathbone of Twilight has a band. Of course. [Lainey Gossip]
- Mischa Barton has to be medicated out the butt. [The Blemish]
- Rachel Leigh Cook on wheels in a Robot Chicken shirt. Did I say that nerd alert was over? I take it back. [Celebslam]
- Ali Larter got married this weekend. But was her ass hanging out? Then my words have been wasted. You'll rue this day, Larter. RUE! [PopSugar]
Jul 31 2009Mischa Barton's 5150 saved her job
Mischa Barton's 5150 hold was reportedly the result of a suicide attempt after being told she was fired from the upcoming CW drama The Beautiful Life, according to E! News:
Also, the insider asserts, the attempt may have coincided with Mischa's bosses at the CW's The Beautiful Life deciding they no longer desired her services.
"Absolutely false," insists Barton's rep, "your source is far from knowledgeable, as nothing they've told you is true, inclusive of the suicide attempt."
When I pressed for what did put Barton in the hospital, he replied...
With nothing. There is no comment from Barton's rep, at all--after repeated attempts--on what was ailing his client.
Hope it stays that way, to tell ya the truth, 'cause we're hearing some inside Barton's camp are spinning tales of Mischa being all downtrodden from a tooth ailment. For a psych stay?
Yeah, that'll go over real well. Silence is, by far, the classier way to go here.
Dead air, by the way, is also the way the CW's chosen to go, as they had zilch to say when I asked if they'd fired and asked Mischa back around the time of her stay at Cedars.
Of course, I don't believe any of this. Mostly because Mischa's real suicide attempt will come when she finds out Lindsay Lohan is telling people she counseled her on the dangers of substance abuse. That'd be enough to make the Pope put a gun in his mouth. "I'm-a the Pope. They'sa gotta let me in. KAPOW!"
