Sep 9 2008Minnie Driver births her illegitimate son
Minnie Driver gave birth to baby boy Henry Story Driver on Friday, according to People:
The baby was born Friday in Los Angeles and weighed 9 lbs., 12 oz., rep Jessica Kolstad says.
Minnie Driver still hasn't revealed the baby's father which means it's definitely Criss Angel. Otherwise, why all the secrecy? That said, I hope to God she never tells little Henry who his real father is, and it wouldn't be such a bad idea to come up with a cover story. Something a little less embarrassing but with a touch of romance. I'm thinking: "Date-raped by Carrot Top." Too fairy tale-ish? You're right.
May 8 2008Minnie Driver hints at the father of her baby
Minnie Driver hinted at who the father of her child might be to The Independent and denied rumors that it's San Francisco musician Craig Zolezzi. Also, judging by her information, the father is not Criss Angel. Great, so I built this bunker for nothing. Sonofa... :
The only clues Driver will offer about the identity of her "baby daddy" are that he is English, and "sort of in the same business", and that they have evaded detection because "he's really busy, like me". She is so far undecided whether to have her baby in England or the US: "A big part of me wants my child to be English. My family are here and I'm sure I'll move back here one day. It's just that my work, and the opportunities I've had, have been so varied and wonderful in the States that I've just followed my nose really.
Holy shit. It's Eddie Izzard. You heard it here first*. And before the comment board fills up with a hundred messages from a gaggle of homophobes with broadband, Eddie Izzard is 100% straight - despite all the cross dressing. According to his Wikipedia bio, he considers himself a "male lesbian" which is interesting because I consider myself a "female lesbian but with a penis, y chromosome and an Adam's apple chiseled from steel."
*Or 1,547th.
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Apr 21 2008Minnie Driver reveals her baby's daddy
Minnie Driver has finally revealed the father of her baby ending weeks of speculation. If you're like me, you've had many sleepless nights wondering just what nefarious foe allowed his sperm to join with Minnie Driver's egg. At long last, the mystery is over. People reports:
"It's the Easter bunny," she joked to PEOPLE at An Evening with The Riches at The Paley Center for Media on Friday night. "I've never had sex," she said with a sly grin as she gestured to her belly.
For those of you playing the home game, "Easter bunny" is code for Criss Angel's penis which is hollow, made of white chocolate and usually gets thrown on the ground because you specifically asked for Cadbury Creme Eggs, mom. True story.
Mar 14 2008Minnie Driver is pregnant - with a mini Criss Angel?!
Minnie Driver announced her pregnancy last night on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. She wouldn't say who the father was, but People provides some clues which I use to immediately jump to the conclusion that it's Criss Angel's baby. Because everyone knows I'm the Sherlock Holmes of the uterus:
Driver said that she loves being pregnant, "more than anything else," but acknowledged, "I am sick."
"I don't know why they call it morning sickness," she said. "I am sick morning, noon and night, but it's a fair trade-off."
The British-born, Emmy-nominated actress did not say who the father was. She dated her Good Will Hunting costar Matt Damon in the late 1990s, then was engaged to Josh Brolin in 2001 and was linked last year to illusionist Criss Angel.
The only way we'll know if the child is really the spawn of Magical Sea-Douche Criss Angel is if it's born wearing no less than 55 necklaces. If there's only 54, all bets are off until we get a DNA sample from Mr. T.
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