Nov 20 2009Miley Cyrus cares deeply about her employees
After the tour bus accident that left a man dead this morning and injured others in her crew, you'd assume Miley Cyrus would postpone Sunday's show out of respect for her employees. Unfortunately, you'd be out of your goddamn mind because everyone knows The Jailbait Express waits for no man. TMZ reports:
TMZ spoke with an employee at the Greensboro Coliseum Complex in Greensboro, NC who tells us they've been flooded with calls asking about Miley's concert. At this point, the employee tells us, "The show is going on as scheduled."
Of course, I'm sure this is all just some elaborate scheme to get Miley Twittering again. Think about it: Where else could she instantly offer her sympathies then talk about how gay Twilight is moments later? Sure, a man died, but if it ends with the world receiving the 140 character thoughts of an over-religious teenage cash cow, are we not better for it? Sometimes you can't make an omelet without breaking some of the little people who can't even drive a bus without dying. Gawd.
Continue Reading "Miley Cyrus cares deeply about her employees"
Nov 20 2009Miley Cyrus' tour claims a life
Presumably as punishment for simulating masturbation on stage, the Lord saw fit to flip one of Miley Cyrus' tour buses this morning in Virginia leaving the driver dead. Miley was not on board. The AP reports:
Sgt. Thomas Molnar said the bus overturned around 8:15 a.m. about 40 miles (65 kilometers) south of Richmond.
One of the other nine passengers had minor injuries. Police would not identify those aboard.
A wrecker arrived late Friday morning to haul away the black-and-maroon luxury tour bus, which was on its side in a ditch off the highway where it had apparently skidded for several hundred feet.
According to Miley Cyrus' Web site, the pop singer is scheduled to perform Sunday in Greensboro, North Carolina.
Remember, kids, if God can't find a kitten, a bus driver will always do.
Also, all that stuff about going blind.
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EDIT: The Superficial offers its sincere condolences to the driver's family. Much like I noted when Madonna's tour killed someone, I don't even know how you reconcile losing a loved one so Disney can rake in billions teaching 10 year old girls how to be jailbait strippers. My jokes are aimed solely at the Miley Cyrus franchise, and I apologize for any insensitivity that may be perceived.
Oct 18 2009Hey, let's whore out Miley Cyrus for Sex and the City. Because that's not at all f-cked up.
Nice to see Warner Bros. finally figured out how to entice 10-year-old girls into watching four cougars drunkenly bang their way through Manhattan. I mean, let's face it, those kids would've just spent that ticket money on candy, so clearly this was the logical move provided you ignore the fact we don't live in a Bizarro Pedophile Wonderland where rednecks dictate social mores. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go console the Baby Jesus because that kid is wailing. "Shh... shh... You can't go to jail for looking, little man.. shh... shh.. it's alright..."
Scope Out (20) Pics of Miley After the Jump
Oct 9 2009Paris Hilton still has really gross knees and other news
- Billy Ray Cyrus wants Miley Cyrus to keep Tweeting. How else is going to buy that there sol-eed gold spittoon he's been fixin' to get? [Lainey Gossip]
- Jon Gosselin and the paparazzi: BFFs. [PopEater]
- Jessica Alba wears retarded shorts. [Drunken Stepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Heidi Klum has NOT birthed a future German sexpot yet. [Just Jared]
- R. Kelly admits he's illiterate but also the "Greatest Writer of All Time." Why not? [Celebslam]
- Reggie Bush looks so thrilled to be back with Kim Kardashian. So thrilled. [PopSugar]
- David Letterman used to take his mistress/assistant on family vacations. Now those are some balls. [The Blemish]
- Kourtney Kardashian is having a boy which proves the Kardashian sisters have to have a penis in them at all times. Least surprising fact ever. I know. [ICYDK]
Continue Reading "Paris Hilton still has really gross knees and other news"
Sep 24 2009Miley Cyrus is a wholesome role model
Here's Miley Cyrus performing at the Honda Center in Anaheim last night, and I can't figure out a legitimate reason for Disney's wholesome, 16 year old cash cow to be grinding her ass against a young man grasping what appears to be a painful erection. Unless this is the new "Jesus Handshake" Billy Ray Cyrus taught her. Which, wait a minute, was only supposed to be for daddies and daughters, dang it all!
Sep 22 2009Eva Longoria is cleavagey and other news
- Billy Joel buys finds a new prostitute lady prostitute. [PopEater]
- Miley Cyrus wants to be a "lawer." [Lainey Gossip]
- Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr. welcomed a baby girl Saturday but didn't name her Buffy which immediately makes me question why I just posted this. [Just Jared]
- Olivia Wilde is apparently married to Shaggy from Scooby Doo. [PopSugar]
- Tom Cruise spends his afternoon reminding Katie Holmes she'll never outrun him. No matter how deliciously manly she makes her physique. [Celebslam]
- Jennifer Garner is considered attractive, right? .... Why? [Socialite Life]
- Mary-Kate Olsen continues to dress like an 83-year-old British nanny. [ICYDK]
- Gisele Bundchen thinks being pregnant is a good time to learn how to fly a helicopter. Was shark fighting class filled up? [Splash News]
Aug 26 2009Mary-Louise Parker outside Letterman and other news
- Miley Cyrus is a player. Didn't they stone women for that in the Bible? Just sayin'. [Lainey Gossip]
- Linda Hogan wants Hulk thrown in jail if he doesn't give her the Harley he promised in the divorce settlement. [PopEater]
- Leonardo DiCaprio asked to drop 30 pounds for his role in Inception. This is what happens when you hang out with Russell Crowe. [Wonderwall]
- Jessica Simpson is eyeing up another quarterback. To date. To date. Not to slap on a hoagie roll. [Celebslam]
- Kellan Lutz and Ashley Greene bailed on a Twilight convention in Jersey. Of course, this would mean something if either of them could magically morph into Robert Pattinson. Or Harry Potter with new Dry-Humping Action. [Just Jared]
- Channing Tatum's stripper days returns to haunt him. And also show people he can emote. Who knew? [PopSugar]
- Katie Price hasn't cried once over her divorce from Peter Andre. Mostly because she's a robot sent from the future to promote literacy with her bionic breasts. I'm suddenly feeling my reading comprehension skills slipping. Help me, Katie-tron! [Socialite Life]
- Eddie Cibrian has filed for divorce AND is seeking spousal support. Classy. [Splash News]
Continue Reading "Mary-Louise Parker outside Letterman and other news"
Aug 21 2009Paris Hilton is fishy and other news
- Criss Angel is such a master of magic, he has a woman's haircut. Ta-da! [PopEater]
- Billy Ray Cyrus approves of Miley's pole-dancing at the Teen Choice Awards. Is anyone really surprised by this? Honestly. [The Blemish]
- Cameron Diaz and Keanu Reeves are dating. [Lainey Gossip]
- Leighton Meester sounds like an amazing person to take to dinner. [Celebslam]
- Renee Zellweger needs to be stopped. Seriously. This is getting ridiculous. [PopSugar]
- Megan Fox is hosting the season premiere of Saturday Night Live. [Just Jared]
- Brad Pitt calls Tom Cruise's Valkyrie "ridiculous." Ha! Midgets can't kill Hitler.[Splash News]
