Oct 8 2009This is where I want to be buried. Right between here.
Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis attended the American Ballet Theater 2009 Fall Gala last night and I still don't believe these two are going to be in a movie where they have insane lesbian sex together. It's logistically impossible. It'd be like trying to film the Ark of the Covenant after you opened it. There'd be nothing but melted cameras and faces all over the place, and probably even some dead Nazis and Harrison Ford carrying a bullwhip, I'm not ruling anything out.
Continue Reading "This is where I want to be buried. Right between here."
Sep 21 2009Mila Kunis > Hayden Panettiere
It must've been unbelievably awkward last night for Hayden Panettiere to arrive at the Emmys and see my current obsession Mila Kunis looking better in pretty much every way possible. But, to Hayden's credit, she handled herself with exemplary midget poise and grace. Although my sources/hidden camera tell me she got shitfaced afterward and woke up next to Smurfette. Or maybe that only happened in my head - twice. And again now: Touch her toadstools!
Scope Out (32) Pics of Mila & Hayden After the Jump
Aug 12 2009Mila Kunis hates talking about Ashton Kutcher
Seen here in the September issue of Details, Mila Kunis is apparently the world's sexiest geek who also hates talking about Ashton Kutcher. -- I want you:
Video games. Greasy tacos. Wisecracks about scoring government-sanctioned weed. Meeting Mila Kunis gives you a glimpse of what might've happened if the Phoebe Cates character in Fast Times at Ridgemont High had somehow spawned a child with Jeff Spicoli. ("On top of all that," MacFarlane says, "she's a Star Trek nerd, which you don't often see in somebody that hot.")
Since her 1998 breakthrough in That '70s Show, she's become a natural casting choice for edgy, dude-friendly comedy like Family Guy and Judd Apatow's Forgetting Sarah Marshall. "She has a rock-solid stomach when it comes to humor," MacFarlane says. "She's never refused to do a joke." Only one conversational topic seems to make her wince: the chronic media drool over the tallest of her costars from '70s. "Yesterday," she says, "a woman asked me, 'So! Was Ashton a prankster on set?' I went, 'Oh my God. For real?' That's when I know the interview's going sour--when they ask me what it was like kissing Kutcher. The show's been off the air for four years. It's just no longer cute or funny."
No, really, I meant what I said. I want you. I will settle down. Have children. Keep copies of Reader's Digest in the bathroom. Watch golf. Mow the yard. Remain emotionally distant from our kids. Go to church. Wear a polo shirt tucked into khaki shorts. Write checks at the grocery store. Become a vacant shell of a person who's only joy is meatloaf dinners. Basically I'm ready to mature as person by quietly dying inside. Baby.
(Top that, Culkin. FACE!)
Enlarged Version After the Jump
Continue Reading "Mila Kunis hates talking about Ashton Kutcher"
Oct 14 2008Mila Kunis needs to break up with Macaulay Culkin TODAY
Mila Kunis showed up looking super cleavagey at the Hollywood premiere of Max Payne last night, and seriously, it's time like this I would do anything to switch shoes with Macaulay Culkin. Even if that means at one point Michael Jackson got me drunk with Corey Feldman on a Ferris Wheel. If Mila Kunis is the end result, I'll pour the Jesus Juice myself and throw in the Home Alone face: "AHHHHHH!" Who doesn't love that?
Continue Reading "Mila Kunis needs to break up with Macaulay Culkin TODAY"
Sep 18 2008Mila Kunis gets cleavagey
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I'm The Superficial Writer, and I approve this cleavage.
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Sep 16 2008Mila Kunis makes pay phones look sexy
These are shots of Mila Kunis on the set of her new movie Extract. I posted these because I realized I've been writing a lot about Sarah Palin and absolutely nothing about Mila Kunis. Allow me: What in the hell? I'd like to apologize for causing this tragedy which is, no doubt, the greatest our nation has ever faced. (Not counting Spider-man 3.)
May 30 2008Mila Kunis is seriously hot 24/7
natural beauty (adj.) - 1: The morning light through a bottle of beer. 2: Mila Kunis no matter what the fuck she's doing. I mean, here she is pumping gas today and now I get aroused whenever someone mentions Exxon. 3: Polar opposite of Heidi Montag.
Apr 11 2008Mila Kunis is sweet baby Jesus hot
I'm sorry Kim Kardashian lovers/Weight Watchers enthusiasts but this is how you show up for a premiere: By looking SH-BANGIN'! This is Mila Kunis at the premiere of her new movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall and I gotta admit I never was much of a fan during her time on That 70's show. I was all about the Laura Prepon Amazonian goodness. Maybe it's because Mila's character dated Ashton Kutcher and therefore, by association, I wanted her to get hit in the face with a large jungle cat. But now? Get that cheetah out of the slingshot; Daddy likes.
NOTE: Included pics of Mila with Kristen Bell because I'm practically Mother Teresa over here. I get confused for her a lot and especially at the nudie bar. People are always, "Oh, hey, yo, are you that Mother Teresa lady?" And I'm all, "Ha ha, no, good citizen." Then they punch me in the face and tell me to stop smuggling free wings in my shirt. Ah, like peas in a pod, the two of us.
