Apr 21 2009Michelle Rodriguez: Both a joy and a pleasure
Michelle Rodriguez, always a bridesmaid, never a bride. And here's why via Page Six:
At the welcome dinner at the Casa de Campo Resort in the Dominican Republic, Rodriguez pushed fully clothed guests into the pool. The next night, she broke up the bachelorette party yelling that the stripper was "fat and had a small [bleep]."
Rodriguez was ticked off when the dancer asked for a volunteer at the beginning of his routine and then made the willing babe kneel down. "That's bull[bleep]," the sexy star yelled. "He should be kneeling for her; this is a bachelorette party."
As the stripper began gyrating and pushing his crotch into the bride-to-be's face, Rodriguez yelled, "This is the kind of thing that brings out the bisexual in me." She left in a huff.
On the wedding day, Rodriguez made an angelic bridesmaid in her lilac chiffon-and-silk, empire-waist gown -- but that lasted only as long as the church ceremony. The star went to the reception sporting skinny jeans and a tank top and danced till the wee hours with men and women alike.
Wow. It's like a magical scene out of Cinderella. But with simulated fellatio. That's how you make a timeless classic, Walt Disney. That's how you make a classic.
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Jan 14 2008Michelle Rodriguez already out partying
Three days after being released from jail Michelle Rodriguez was photographed partying at several L.A. clubs. She told TMZ "I got some New Year's celebrating to do." Of course if I knew I’d only have to serve 10% of my DUI sentence due to overcrowded prison, I’d chug a keg on the courthouse steps then steal a cop car. I figure that’d get me, what, four days? Maybe six? But let’s say I only used the siren to get out of paying at Taco Bell. Just probation then?
Jan 10 2008Michelle Rodriguez released after serving 10% of sentence
The L.A. County Sheriff’s Department released Lost star Michelle Rodriguez after she served 18 days of her 180 day sentence for DUI. The Sheriff has made similar decisions to release inmates early in the cases of Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan and others. However, the judge was adamant he wanted Michelle to serve her full sentence and is furious with the Sheriff, according to TMZ:
Law enforcement sources say the Sheriff felt he had to treat Rodriguez the way he treats every other female inmate. Because of severe overcrowding, the standard is to release everyone after they serve 10% of their time. Even though the judge drew the line in the sand and demanded the full nine yards, the Sheriff felt equality was more important.
Meanwhile, poor Kiefer Sutherland is trying to convince the guards he has a vagina. So far, no dice. It’s a documented fact that Jack Bauer pees pure freedom into the face of terrorists. And he does it standing up. I’m pretty sure that’s in the Bible.
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Oct 11 2007Michelle Rodriguez gets 180 days in jail
Former Lost star Michelle Rodriguez was sentenced to 180 days in jail for violating her probation and falsifying community service documents. Reuters reports:
A Los Angeles County Superior Court judge ordered the former "Lost" actress to jail after she admitted failing to complete community service obligations contrary to a signed document stating otherwise, city attorney spokesman Frank Mateljan said. She must start her term by Christmas Eve. Rodriguez, 29, was also found to have consumed alcohol on at least three occasions while wearing a monitoring bracelet around her ankle, in violation of a probation requirement she refrain from drinking for 90 days, Mateljan said.
Michelle Rodriguez is a drinking machine. When it comes to alcohol, she makes Lindsay Lohan look like a nun. I guarantee Michelle will snap at least three guards’ necks, jump out a third story window and crash the prison laundry truck into a bar. Then she’ll guzzle her own weight in whiskey. Now that’s how you have a drinking problem. None of that princess fu-fu cocktail bullshit for Michelle Rodriguez. Wow, it's almost like she's a female version of, well, me. At long last we've found each other, soulmate!
UPDATE: So I met Michelle at a bar and when I failed to chug a bottle of rum in 30 seconds she threw a barstool at my nuts and questioned my sexuality. Is it wrong to be turned on by that?
Aug 20 2007Michelle Rodriguez puts on a bikini
I'm sure somebody somewhere is interested in shots of Michelle Rodriguez in her bikini, I just sort of assumed they were too busy sitting alone in their bedroom hitting their balls with a hammer and sobbing. Although honestly she doesn't even look that terrible here. It probably helps that I was expecting her entire body to be covered in hair. You know, like Big Foot, but with an uglier face.
Jul 3 2007Michelle Rodriguez does chin-ups
Michelle Rodriguez was spotted in LA doing chin-ups on a beam at Teddy's Thursday night. She managed to do seven, and when asked why she was exercising at a bar she replied:
"I'm a dork."
Although a more appropriate response would've been to just pull out her penis. I know lumberjacks who wish they were as manly as she is.
Apr 24 2007Michelle Rodriguez's face is...I don't know
Splash NewsMichelle Rodriguez was spotted on Rodeo Drive leaving a salon looking like this. As if she wasn't horrifying enough to look at. It's like she's trying to scare small children. And aren't there laws against letting her walk down Rodeo Drive? It's like letting a wild bull loose in a museum. Or, you know, letting a really really ugly "woman" loose near some expensive stores.
Feb 6 2007Michelle Rodriguez knows fashion
Michelle Rodriguez showed up to Marc Jacobs' fashion show during New York's fashion week yesterday wearing a black band around her ankle that monitors alcohol intake. The court ordered her to wear it for 90 days after she was arrested for a DUI last year and she has 20 more days to go.
Somebody should also let her know she's wearing a shower curtain for a dress. Unless that was a conscious decision to distract from her anklet. Although considering it's Michelle Rodriguez I'm just amazed she didn't show up dressed as a lumberjack.
NOTE: I've gotten some emails so I'm gonna clarify that the anklet wasn't put on as a joke. It's a Secure Continuous Remote Alcohol Monitor to be worn 24 hours a day. It has a small pump inside which scoops up a trace amount of perspiration vapor from the ankle every half-hour and records the alcohol level. Once a day the offender has to connect the device and transfer the data online to the court.
