Nov 12 2009Dina Lohan: 'Lindsay's going to die soon'
Seen here doing what she does best last night, Lindsay Lohan is probably going going to die soon, according to the latest released phone call between Dina and Michael Lohan. RadarOnline reports:
In the phone call, which was recorded in New York, Dina tells her ex-husband and Lindsay's father, Michael that, "time is running out with this kid. I know, I'm her mother and I feel it and I'm scared."
She continues: "She'll open up to you but it's nothing compared to what's going on with this kid. And don't tell her I told you anything or try to weasel s--t out of her... she'll tell you when she's ready to talk about s--t. Right now all I know is she's starting to drink and that's bad."
Anyone else starting to feel like these tapes are becoming increasingly anti-climactic? It went from Lindsay dating Heath Ledger when he died to she's a cutter to she's going to drink herself to death. Not exactly a mind-blowing revelation there. If an alien with absolutely zero knowledge of pop culture landed on Earth and saw a picture of Lindsay, I guarantee its first reaction would be "Wow, that bitch is gonna die." Or if it's an awesome alien, it'd express immediate concern for the world's liquor supply. "Graknar computes depletion is imminent. To the space brewery!"
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Nov 11 2009Lindsay Lohan is a cutter. I DON'T BELIEVE IT!
Another day, another horrible breach of privacy by Michael Lohan. In the latest tape "leaked" to the press, Dina Lohan blames Michael for driving to Lindsay to cut herself. RadarOnline reports:
Michael is talking with Dina, telling her that he represents the bad things in her life and Dina interrupts him, saying "Her cutting herself and hurting herself? Yeah, it's bad Michael, it's bad." Lindsay has been photographed over the years and recently with scars on her wrists, a sign of the cutting, which is a desperate cry for help from the troubled starlet.
As Dina has said in previous recorded conversations, Lindsay has suffered from the treatment she received from her father, even going so far as to sleep with Dina when she's at her house because she is so fearful. "I know that it's going to happen," Dina responds to Michael when he says "If something happens," and Dina continues "I will feel it's all your fault, that's how I will feel, it's not about me."
In the 2008 call Michael doesn't accept any blame for Lindsay's situation, telling Dina "I will feel like it's everyone else's fault."
Well at least Michael Lohan's fully prepared to rationalize his daughter's death that he'll be most, if not entirely, responsible for. You gotta appreciate a story with a happy ending.
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Nov 10 2009Lindsay Lohan was dating Heath Ledger when he died
Michael Lohan's Recorded Phone Call Bonanza may have finally struck gold. According to a 2008 phone call between Michael and ex-wife Dina, Lindsay was "secretly dating" Heath Ledger at the time of his death. RadarOnline reports:
"And she was dating Heath when he died," Dina reveals to Michael. "I don't know if you know that, but I know cause I would drop her off and they were friends very, very close, ok?"
Dina told Michael about the relationship because she was afraid for Lindsay's life too: "Because when she's drunk or takes an Adderall with it she will do something like Heath Ledger did in a second without thinking."
She said that the actor's death was a terrible shock to Lindsay. "That f-f----d her up," Dina says.
February 2008
DINA: Remember how we always talked about finding the perfect scapegoat for Lindsay's actions that would get us off the hook?
MICHAEL: Oh, sure.
DINA: What if we faked a phone call where I say she was secretly dating Heath Ledger when he died and it sent her completely over the edge?
MICHAEL: My God, it's perfect. Plus who hasn't she fucked?
DINA: AHAHAHA!
MICHAEL: HAHAHA! *click*
DINA: Wait. Are you recording this?
MICHAEL: .... I have to go save a puppy now. From terrorists. *hangs up*
Continue Reading "Lindsay Lohan was dating Heath Ledger when he died"
Nov 9 2009Michael Lohan throws Jon Gosselin under the bus
When he's not selling his apparently edited collection of phone calls, Michael Lohan is throwing Jon Gosselin under the bus and presumably collecting a nice chunk of change from TLC in the process. RadarOnline reports:
TLC is suing Jon Gosselin for breach of contract in part because of other business deals the cable net claims he was doing in violation of their exclusive agreement, and they've subpoenaed his former best friend Michael Lohan as a witness.
"He did deals with me," Lohan told RadarOnline.com in an exclusive interview. "I was working on a deal with him for a Nutrisystem endorsement and a book deal. He got a paid a lot of money for different promotions, clubs, magazines, and by a TV network." Lohan told us he didn't know his deals with Jon might be in violation of his TLC contract. "At times he said what we were doing was ok; at times times he said it was a problem. I guess that's why he got paid cash for so many of the personal appearances so no one would know.
All you can do in this situation is laugh at Jon Gosselin and his hilariously awful judgment skills. He should've known something was fishy the first time Mike saw him take a leak then tried to tell TMZ it was yellow if they paid his back child support. (Try and act like that's not the most believable scenario you've ever heard. I dare you.)
Nov 8 2009Michael Lohan tried to sell Lindsay recordings for $100,000
Because he loves her so much, Michael Lohan originally tried to sell the recently released phone recordings of Lindsay for $100,000 to various media outlets. He eventually gave the recordings to Radar Online for free who agreed to pay him for an interview from the generated publicity, according to Page Six:
Michael told us that a six-figure demand for the tapes "was a complete lie," but when asked if he was paid for his interview, he said, "That's in the hands of my lawyers. They deal with that."
He insisted, "This isn't about money or getting paid, it's about saving my daughter."
And what better way to save Lindsay than to profit off her embarrassing drug-fueled decline which you're most the likely the root cause of? No, really, there's substance abuse counselors shaking their heads right now trying to figure out why they didn't think of it first. "Having an estranged father make an assload of cash while making a public spectacle of his daughter's battle with addiction, of course! And all this time I was telling parents that's the equivalent of putting a gun in their kids' mouth. Ha, doy!"
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Nov 6 2009Michael Lohan: 'God is punishing Lindsay's career'
Because dignity is dick compared to getting your face in the press, Michael Lohan is firing back against Lindsay's accusations that he threatened to kill Dina Lohan if she ever left him.
"That's a lie. I guess Lindsay is on more drugs than I thought to say something like that. Now I'm going to release more recordings that prove everything she is saying is nothing more than a bunch of lies.
"No wonder why God is taking her entire career away from her," Michael continued. "Because she's forsaken everything He's given her and she's done nothing but misuse all the gifts she's given."
I'm pretty sure being a Michael Lohan-fertilized egg in Dina Lohan's uterus is ultimately what killed Lindsay's career, but it's nice to see his main concern is to prove he's right even if it involves releasing more private phone calls to do it. Also, anyone finding it odd that Michael Lohan records all his phone conversations? Jon Gosselin is probably sitting at home right now trying to figure out how many times he's on tape saying "So another one laughed at my penis again."
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Nov 5 2009Lindsay Lohan's not done shitting on Michael Lohan's doorstep
Lindsay Lohan continued her offensive against Michael Lohan today and fired off a series of tweets essentially accusing him of threatening to kill her mother Dina:
- she blames herself for staying w/him for so long, I'd beg her not to leave b/c he always threatened to kill her if she did"
- after disappearing, then coming home after being gone for several days while cheating on my mother&abusing substances.
- Its so sad that I even have to share this w/everyone, but I haven't had a real relationship w/Michael Sr. In years. That is the truth. Xox
- I just hope I can show others how to be strong through times & to be able to stand up for yourself and loved ones no matter what! :) *
The shit apparently hit the fan yesterday when Michael sold a recording to RadarOnline of Lindsay calling him for help which prompted her Twitter assaults:
- My fathers such a loser & those recordings are from years ago. To release personal things is foul enough, but to edit them. I used to think
- That he needed the book for dummies on learning how to be a father. Haha-he's needs the book for dummies on HOW TO BE A MAN.
Selling personal phone calls of your daughter calling for support for profit? Jesus Christ. No wonder Lindsay's a walking stick figure of insatiable cock-lust. It's a good thing Michael Lohan's not out there giving advice to other fathers. -- Wait.
Continue Reading "Lindsay Lohan's not done shitting on Michael Lohan's doorstep"
Oct 9 2009Dina Lohan: 'Lindsay is a genius'
Taking a page from Jon and Kate Gosselin's playbook, Dina Lohan is blasting Michael Lohan in the press for claiming the two of them are planning an intervention for Lindsay. Page Six reports:
Furious Dina told Page Six yesterday: "I don't go -- like my ex -- on national television and make things up. He's estranged from Lindsay; he doesn't know what's going on in her life. Michael doesn't talk to her.
"I've had full custody of all my children for the last 10 years. He has been incarcerated for some of that time, so whatever is going on in Lindsay's personal life is our business. And for him getting paid to say things about her when he's five months behind in child support is wrong."
When we asked if Lindsay does have addiction problems, Dina, who sounded tired and emotional, said, "I have no idea what he is talking about. I can't comment on everything my ex says."
Lindsay was also hurt by criticism of her debut Ungaro fashion line. Dina said, "The critics can say whatever they want, but Lindsay is a genius."
Okay, the instant that reporter heard the words "Lindsay is a genius," he or she should've immediately called whatever organization handles hardcore interventions and sicced them on Lindsay because clearly every single word out of Dina's mouth is pure fantasy wrapped in a layer of gin and dumb. I'd be willing to go so far to say, as we speak, Lindsay's trying to get a French pharmacist to forge her a Vicodin the size of a pizza to chew on during the flight home.
