Sep 24 2009Melanie Brown in lingerie
Since we can't have David Hasselhoff ruining lingerie for the rest of us (Hey, I didn't harsh his booze vibes.), here's Scary Spice Melanie Brown launching the just-revealed Ultimo Autumn/Winter 2009 campaign. Can you believe Eddie Murphy hit that? I mean, there's no way someone is this good at secretly hiding a penis the way he likes it. Not even Houdini.
May 31 2009Melanie Brown in a bikini
Melanie Brown (a.k.a. Scary Spice) signed autographs at Tao Beach in Vegas yesterday, and fuck me, those are some ripped abs. Granted, they don't hold a candle to my own, but for the fairer sex those are some impressive abdominals. Seriously, if Melanie and I got together, my neighbors would think two knights were battling in my bedroom from all the steel-on-steel action: *CLANG* *CLANG* "Excalibur usually stays in the stone longer, I swear." *CLANG*
Scope Out (12) Pics of Melanie After the Jump
Apr 21 2009Lindsay Lohan 'open' to doing Vegas Peepshow
Lindsay Lohan might be doing some fancy stripping in Vegas, according to E! News:
She tells E! News exclusively that, despite reports saying otherwise, she is not interested in being a lead performer in Peepshow, the burlesque production at Las Vegas' Planet Hollywood Resort and Casino currently starring Mel B and Kelly Monaco.
But Lohan, who saw Peepshow over the weekend, says that for the right amount of money, she would be open to making a onetime appearance in the Sin City spectacle. "One show as a guest would be fun," she says, adding that she'd do it just "for play."
PRODUCER: Miss Lohan, we spoke to your agent and are willing to make an offer.
LINDSAY: Finally. Work!
PRODUCER: Will you accept half this can of Red Bull? It's slightly warm-
LINDSAY: Sold! When do I take my shirt off?
PRODUCER: Well, the show isn't until the weekend-
LINDSAY: Too late. WOO! It's like water balloons on a broomstick, boys! WOO!
PRODUCER: We severely overpaid.
LINDSAY: Ha, I know, right? WOO!
Continue Reading "Lindsay Lohan 'open' to doing Vegas Peepshow"
Oct 9 2008Scary Spice modeling lingerie just frightened my pants off (In a good way)
These are pics of Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown modeling the Ultimo Autumn/Winter lingerie line. Sort of gives a whole new meaning to "hot chocolate" doesn't it? A ha ha ha wait, hold up. I shouldn't have brought color into this. That was wrong of me, and I apologize. Instead, I should just respect Melanie for who she is: A beautiful woman with ginormous breasts who I'd have sex with until she realizes I'm not Keanu Reeves. See? Much better.
Respect: It's dope!
Continue Reading "Scary Spice modeling lingerie just frightened my pants off (In a good way)"
May 27 2008Scary Spice continues life-long dedication to bikinis, getting her drink on
Melanie Brown, a.k.a. Scary as Hell Spice, donned her bikini and downed champagne while vacationing in Miami over the weekend. Jesus, I would love for our abs to battle. Mostly to hear the distinctive "clank" of metal on metal followed by "Shit, love, we should have a drink." Next thing you know, it's the Mel B Signature Move: Kerpow! Paternity suit. Why didn't you warn me, Eddie Murphy?
Continue Reading "Scary Spice continues life-long dedication to bikinis, getting her drink on"
Mar 17 2008Scary Spice still looks questionably hot in bikini
Scary Spice (a.k.a. Melanie Brown) continued her Miami vacation by jet-skiing with her husband Stephen Belafonte. She definitely looks better in these pics than earlier ones but has some questionable features. That being said, after perusing your comments I'm afraid I have to address a very controversial topic. I never thought in 2008 I'd have to discuss such issues, but I need to make the most serious and professional statement of my life:
The Superficial Writer's wang is an equal-opportunity lover of the va-jay-jay. Whether it be black, brown, white, Chinese, Danish, bran muffin or a LEGO castle covered in Pam cooking spray, odds are my weiner will hit that. Discrimination is for assholes. Oh, right, and also Mel "Sugartits" Gibson. Ha ha, that guy hates stuff.
Now that that's out of the way, good Lord, what happened to this woman's face? Did she jet-ski into a coral reef?
Continue Reading "Scary Spice still looks questionably hot in bikini"
Mar 14 2008Scary Spice wears a bikini, I now know fear
These are shots of Melanie Brown vacationing in Miami with her husband Stephen Belafonte. You may know her as "Scary Spice" of the Spice Girls. However, after seeing these, I'm now changing her name to "Holy crap, hide your penis! Unless you're really really drunk then okay, maybe, sure I'd understand if you'd want to throw it in there because, yeah, alright, she's not that bad but only from certain angles - sort of Spice." Girl power!
Continue Reading "Scary Spice wears a bikini, I now know fear"
Feb 4 2008Victoria Beckham quits The Spice Girls
Victoria Beckham revealed her decision to quit The Spice Girls yesterday. In an exclusive interview with News of the World (Larry King must’ve been busy) Posh Spice lays out her decision to get off the “Girl Power” train:
"I've been thinking about this for a long time. I'm not in the music industry any more. I'm in the fashion industry.
"I'm putting together a team of people now so it will be my main project when I finish this tour in a month.
"It's the last opportunity there will be to see the Spice Girls together."
I guess having your chest groped by Melanie Brown isn’t as glamorous as it looks. Well, good luck to Victoria Beckham. With her keen fashion sense, Victoria’s set to corner the market of clothing specifically tailored for Ethiopians with breast implants.
