Jun 12 2007Paris Hilton dropped by agent
Paris Hilton has been dropped by her team of agents at the Endeavor Talent Agency because she "just wasn't worth it." A rep for Endeavor confirmed that, "Paris is no longer a client." A source tells Us:
"There was a lot of tension between Paris and her agents for a while. Her legal messes have totally consumed her, and she was always a difficult client. The goal was to make her the Martha Stewart of her generation. It just didn't work out that way."
How did Paris even land a talent agency in the first place? "Look, she can, like, stand around. You need somebody to stand around? We've got your woman." And how were they thinking she's anything like Martha Stewart? Hey, guys, I found an old basketball on the street. Maybe that can be the next Martha Stewart too. How about this bowl of cereal? My sock?
Jun 8 2007Martha Stewart hates Egyptians
Martha Stewart was on her way to make an appearance on The View Tuesday when she noticed she was being followed by a police cruiser. When her car stopped at the studio, it was surrounded by officers and her driver was promptly arrested. Page Six reports:
A visibly upset Stewart went up to her dressing room and, according to a source, "started shouting loudly to an assistant over the phone." The domestic diva yelled, "How could you do this to me? Don't you do background checks on people? He was Egyptian! What do I pay you people for?"
Hmm, right, so apparently Martha Stewart pays her people to make sure she doesn't hire any Egyptians. I'm pretty sure that's illegal. As is cutting off somebody's head and wearing it like a mask. I think.
Jun 1 2007Paris Hilton prepares for prison, rape
Paris Hilton has ordered a hair and makeup team to meet her at her home 9 AM Monday so she can get done up and look her best for the media when she walks into prison. A friend tells Rush & Molloy:
"The timing is to make sure she makes all the celebrity weeklies. Paris is a genius at marketing herself. She managed to turn having a sex tape to her benefit, and she's going to do the same out of going to prison. It's not just about marketing, it's about making money. If she can set up her entry into jail in a very grand way, the payoff will be greater ... Paris doesn't do contrite very well. She will be glam, and Paris is the queen of the prop. Expect her hair pulled back in a ponytail, big sunglasses and maybe a Holy Bible under one arm. And she just got a new kitten, so maybe she'll hand that to her sister [Nicky] as she gets out of the car. There might even be tears."
Paris has also decided to write a prison diary during her 23-day sentence, in hopes of publishing it upon release.
"Paris' prison diary will make a more dramatic read than Martha Stewart's. If she can make it believable, and not exaggerate too much, she might expect to make a million dollars out of it."
You know, maybe getting all done up before entering a prison filled with lonely inmates might not be the best idea. After the mustached creatures they're used to seeing, Paris is going to look like a lobster stuffed with filet mignon. And I don't know if she'll be able to find a publisher for her diary. There's not a very large market these days for books filled with 23 pages of frowny faces.
Jan 19 2007Top 20 Richest Women in Entertainment
Forbes has compiled a confusing list of the Top 20 Richest Women in Entertainment. To put together the list they ruled out "non-working celebs who essentially live off royalties (Barbra Streisand, for example), and we also excluded 'old Hollywood" types like Elizabeth Taylor.'" So basically it's the 20 richest women in entertainment that you'd be familiar with, and not your mom. Here's their list in order from richest to poorest:
1. Oprah Winfrey
2. J.K. Rowling
3. Martha Stewart
4. Madonna
5. Celine Dion
6. Mariah Carey
7. Janet Jackson
8. Julia Roberts
9. Jennifer Lopez
10. Jennifer Aniston
11. The Olsen Twins
12. Britney Spears
13. Judge Judy
14. Sandra Bullock
15. Cameron Diaz
16. Gisele Bundchen
17. Ellen DeGeneres
18. Nicole Kidman
19. Christina Aguilera
20. Renee Zellweger
There's a lot of names on there I just don't understand. Why is Jennifer Aniston number 10? And how did Renee Zellweger make the list? This is supposed to be the Top 20 Richest Women in Entertainment, not Most Likely To Be Confused for a Homeless Person.
May 22 2006Martha Stewart makes up with Donald Trump
Martha Stewart and Donald Trump had a recent fallout over Martha's version of The Apprentice, but apparently they've patched things up after Martha called up Los Angeles baby store Petit Tresor and bought a fake fur baby blanket for Donald's new son, Barron Trump. Her rep says:
She wanted something very special and very unique.
I guess Martha Stewart isn't the master of gift-giving I thought she was. A fake fur baby blanket is decent, but it's not nearly as good as my gift: an ostrich dipped in gold. You lose, bitch.
Nov 2 2005The Superficial News
To the joy of every living man on the planet, Leonardo DiCaprio and Gisele Bundchen have broken up for good. Again. [Page Six]
Choosing the weirdest way to get back into the media, Christian Slater fell off the roof of Paris Hilton's neighbor's house after he was shocked by the police. [People]
Dennis Rodman has settled a speeding ticket that briefly led to a judge issuing an arrest warrant. It's nice to see the news finally covering the important things that are going on in the world like speeding tickets. [ABC News]
The house Martha Stewart bought for her new reality show is haunted. That's not even supposed to be a joke. [Page Six]
Jessica Simpson says she saw a therapist to deal with the gossip surrounding her and Nick Lachey's marriage. Which is weird, because the gossip is totally true and they 100% cheated on each other. [AP]
Sep 20 2005Martha's crazy, y'all
Martha Stewart was the feature guest on The Late Show with David Letterman last night, and she managed to come off as a rational, optimistic woman who was fully in command of her life and her destiny. Then she kept referring to prison as "Yale," and while at first it was sort of cute in that "grandma calls vaginas 'love boxes'" sort of way, she eventually began to use the term almost involuntarily, and I'm sure that can't help refute the common belief that she's, you know, a few muffins short of a basket.
In fact, Page Six previously reported that after Cybill Shepherd played an incredibly unflattering Martha in two made-for-TV movies, Stewart had someone "rush deliver" a tape to her of Kathy Lee Gifford's interview with Shepherd on The Insider, which aired last week, so that she could delight as "Cybill starts crying when she talks about Martha in prison and how deplorable the conditions were."
Actually, no. That's really not so much crazy as it is awesome. Cybill Shepherd is rumored to be more insanely hellish than Martha Stewart and Naomi Campbell combined, and I recall hearing about how, during Cybill, she'd compare the number of lines she'd have to the number of lines Christine Baranski would have in order to make sure Baranski didn't get more spotlight than her. And nobody, but nobody, messes with C.Bar. I for one look forward to the day Martha finally snaps and upholsters some loveseats using Cybill's skin. It's a good thing.
Sep 1 2005Martha Stewart set free
Martha Stewart's ankle bracelet came off this morning at 12:05 AM, officially setting her free from her house arrest. In typical cartoon fashion, moments after the bracelet came off she started running around the room clawing people and growling like a wild monkey. Shit, what the hell am I talking about? She wasn't clawing people, she was biting them. In the face.
