Nov 5 2009Mariah Carey hates your eyes
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume Mariah Carey was the creative director for this video because there's absolutely no way somebody else made a business decision where the end result is her doughy torso in a bathing suit. To put things in perspective, Nick Cannon probably looked at these then punched his penis in a corner until he lost consciousness or was told to put on his tux and serve Mariah's lunch. (I still haven't figured out how their marriage works.)
Scope Out (32) Pics of Mariah After the Jump
Nov 2 2009Famous People in Costumes
Because everyone knows Hollywood is a godless bordello of Sodomites, it's no surprise the stars came out to celebrate Halloween/pay homage to Satan for their careers. So here's a gathering of costumed celebs In no particular order:
Jessica Lowndes as God Willing, the Future Referee of My Pants.
Mariah Carey as A Victoria's Secret Angel with Elephantitis.
Jessica Alba as Dora the Explorer: For Daddies. (WTF?)
Gwen Stefani as Gavin Rossdale's Cowpoke.
Khloe Kardashian as Catwoman with Self-Esteem Issues.
AnnaLynne McCord as Batgirl Who Still Gets Asked "Wait. They remade 90210?"
Bai Ling as... Bai Ling? I don't even know.
Brooke Shields as Flapper Mom with Tom Cruise Punching Action.
Christina Aguilera as the Cheapest Celebrity Mom Ever. (You're rich, lady!)
Heidi Klum as a Woman Who Just Gave Birth Hiding Her Body in Shame Underneath the World's Most Elaborate Bird Costume.
HAIL SATAN!
Scope Out (40) Pics of Costumed Celebs After the Jump
Oct 8 2009Alessandra Ambrosio makes me want to buy bras even though I have a penis and other news
- Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minillo are back together. [PopEater]
- Daniel Craig photobombs Taylor Swift. [Lainey Gossip]
- Shauna Sand wears clear stripper heels to the supermarket. Of course. [Drunken Stepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Suri Cruise drinks Pellegrino already? [Just Jared]
- Mariah Carey should just hire Blackwater. [Celebslam]
- Naomi Watts is somehow the "Most Bankable Actress in Hollywood." [PopSugar]
- Zac Efron hates his own movies. [Wonderwall]
- Penelope Cruz > Kim Kardashian. (In regards to asses.) [ICYDK]
Scope Out (16) Pics of Alessandra After the Jump
Oct 5 2009Mariah Carey's breasts are getting out of control
Mariah Carey attended the New York Film Festival screening of her new movie Precious, and her breasts are getting way out of hand. Somewhere over the past few months they passed the fine line between huge and hefty waitress at a truck stop diner. But the important thing is we're aware now so somebody can have the Jaws of Life ready when Nick Cannon gets trapped inside. Granted, he'll suffocate almost immediately, but at least his poor mother will get to see his body at the funeral. We got your back, Nick.
Scope Out (20) Pics of Mariah After the Jump
Continue Reading "Mariah Carey's breasts are getting out of control"
Oct 2 2009Mariah Carey's dancers seem really confident about this
Mariah Carey performed on Today this morning and her backup dancers look extremely confident about picking her up. Not one of them has a look on his face that suggests a fear of hernia. Except maybe the guy holding her left leg. And, okay, the other guy, too, once you look past the teeth.
Scope Out (20) Pics of Mariah Plus Video After the Jump
Continue Reading "Mariah Carey's dancers seem really confident about this"
Jul 31 2009Eminem fires back at Mariah Carey
In response to Nick Cannon's open letter and Mariah Carey's latest video, Eminem has released his latest song "The Warning," and it's pretty much everything you'd expect from Eminem. Via PopCrunch:
Yeah, what you gonna say? I'm lucky? Tell the public that I was so ugly that you had to be drunk to me?
Second base? What the fuck you tell Nick, punk?
In the second week we was dry humping. It's gotta count for something.
Listen, girly. Surely you don't want me to talk about how I nutted early cos ejaculated early and bus all over your belly, and you almost started hurling and said I was gross, go get a towel you're stomachs curling. Or maybe you do.
But if I'm embarrassing me, I'm embarrassing you and don't you dare say it isn't true.
As long as the song's getting airplay I'm dissing you.
You know what would be awesome about this song? If it were 2001 and more than five people know who the hell Nick Cannon is. That said, Eminem's willingness to embarrass himself doesn't exactly make everything he says true. For example, just because I'm willing to admit I only have a two foot long penis that doesn't mean I can honestly claim to be Spider-man. -- Or does it?
Audio and Full Lyrics After the Jump
Jul 8 2009James Franco knows how to give a speech
- George Clooney and Bill Murray party together? If there was ever a time to be a stripper, it's now, ladies. Ha, just kidding. It's always time to be a stripper. Now who wants dollar bills? [Lainey Gossip]
- Elizabeth Taylor might have aided Michael Jackson's prescription drug addictions. Probably by showing him her vagina and giving him chronic night terrors. So that's how he turned white... [PopEater]
- Kevin Federline has gained 85 pounds since his divorce from Britney Spears and even she's making fun of his weight which is almost hilarious if it weren't immediate grounds for suicide. No, seriously, Kevin, I don't care if you have to cover the gun in chocolate. It's time. [Celebslam]
- Kiefer Sutherland once encouraged a friend to keep acting. By punching him in the face. I don't care how much it costs, we need to get this man a tank, a missile silo full of Old Granddad and let him solve all the world's problem. Preferably before he drives drunk off a bridge, so time's a factor. [The Blemish]
- Cameron Diaz might be in that Green Hornet movie with Seth Rogen. Finally, a leading lady I can believe he has a chance with. With only half a bottle of roofies. [Just Jared]
- Mariah Carey apologizes for her performance at Michael Jackson's memorial. Too late now, Mariah. The man will only die once. -- Or will he? [ICYDK]
- Lindsay Lohan is going to be a celebrity judge on Project Runway? Okay, sure. Because when I think of fashion, I think of an anorexic coke addict who constantly wears black leggings. You can't teach that kind of style. Without becoming an alcoholic at 15. True story. [PopSugar]
Jun 30 2009Mariah Carey's giant breasts shoot a video
Here's Mariah Carey on the set of her latest music video "Obsessed" in New York yesterday where reports are pouring in she dressed up like Eminem. Because everyone knows Eminem has black hair, a goatee and looks exactly like a tan-skinned women in a hoodie. No, really, those would be the exact words I'd use to describe him to a blind man. Provided his dog shit on my shoes then killed my brother in a drive-by shooting. True story.
Scope Out (24) Pics of Mariah After the Jump
Continue Reading "Mariah Carey's giant breasts shoot a video"
