May 7 2009Kate Gosselin kinda sorta denies affair rumors
- Kate Gosselin "very hesitant" to believe affair rumors. That's not a denial, folks. Although, a confirmation would be Jon Gosselin's head on a stick in their front yard. But, you know, tastefully so the kids can use it as tetherball. Family first. [Radar Online]
- Vanessa Hudgens wants to see other people because Zac Efron won't propose to her. Easier solution: Threaten to out him. God, I should be a couples counselor. [Celebslam]
- Jennifer Aniston is reportedly dating Bradley Cooper. Jesus. Who hasn't this guy dated? He's like a male Drew Barrymore. But not famous. [I'm Not Obsessed]
- Chris Pine talks about his first acting job as a drunk patient on E.R. Which is funny because I told a woman I was a doctor on a first date. -- Does Chris' story end with pepper spray? Because that's where mine is going. [Just Jared]
- Kate Hudson and Liv Tyler do three nights of red carpet events in a row. Wow. It's like they lead the harshest existence known to man. Next you'll tell me they had to get their own Starbucks - and wait in line. [Lainey Gossip]
- Lindsay Lohan apparently spent the night at Samantha Ronson's house this week. Although, for the record, Sam was out of town, so Lindsay just busted out the peephole and slid through. That's not creepy. [Pink is the New Blog]
Jun 6 2007Kate Bosworth and Liv Tyler kiss
Kate Bosworth and Liv Tyler bumped into each other while grabbing lunch at Sant Ambroeus in New York yesterday, and apparently Liv Tyler greets people by making out with them. That's a pretty passionate kiss right there. It actually looks like Bosworth is trying to escape here. If I kissed my friends like that I probably wouldn't have any more friends. Not because I'd be shunned or anything, but because they'd die once they experienced the ecstasy that is my mouth. That's right, ladies. *wink*
Jan 15 2007Steven Tyler is the missing link
I've never understood how Liv Tyler came from Steven Tyler, but now looking at these pictures of him on the beach I can't even understand how he manages to stand upright. Or speak. Or is able to grasp the concept of the wheel. He looks like he should be clubbing a pterodactyl to death in these pictures. At first it'd be like, "Hey, I didn't know they had cameras during the Cretaceous period." But then you'd shrug it off, because how else would they have gotten a shot of a homo erectus in his natural habitat.
A ton more of Steven Tyler showing off his negative ass and looking all around disgusting after the jump.
Aug 2 2006Liv Tyler hits puberty
All the money and resources in the world and even somebody like Liv Tyler can't avoid being seen in public with a pimple the size of my fist on her nose. You'd think celebrities would have some super expensive secret technique for dealing with blemishes. Like rubbing bald eagle poo on their face. Or diamonds. Or bald eagle poo covered in diamonds. The more extravagant and expensive it is, the better it works. That's a scientific fact.
Mar 15 2006Liv Tyler is still fat
In case you're wondering why you haven't seen Liv Tyler in any movies recently, it's because she refuses to diet after having her son Milo in December 2004 and the only role she could get is probably that of "fat lady who used to be pregnant." She tells British Cosmo:
"It’s so hard to lose your baby weight! Everyone makes it look like it just drops off and everyone in magazines is so skinny three weeks later and says ‘Oh, I’m just running around after my kid.’ It’s total [bleep]!"
I don't know what word got bleeped, but I bet it was cheeseburgers. And I know the picture is when Liv was 9 months pregnant, but if you pretend that's what she looks like now it makes the whole story funnier. It also makes it more believable that she would replace random words in her sentences with 'cheeseburger.' I hear that's what fat people do sometimes.
Dec 7 2005Christina Applegate is single
After four years of marriage, vintage piece of ass Christina Applegate and “actor” Johnathan Schaech have filed for divorce. Publicists for each released this brief statement on Monday:
"The decision is mutual."
Having masturbated to Christina Applegate for over half of my life, I’m glad she finally realized that I want her and got rid of this guy. He has only been in one halfway decent movie like ten years ago. And he only managed to lip-synch and come up with ways not to fuck Liv Tyler the whole time. Applegate, on the other hand, was in the legendary “Married with Children” and she recently earned a Tony nomination for “Sweet Charity”. She was also #4, between Alyssa Milano and Jill Sandrock, on my 1995 list of “girls to have sex with.”
Sep 16 2005Liv Tyler is not skinny
Did Liv Tyler eat Kirstie Alley while I wasn't looking? Because you shouldn't eat people. You should eat food.
Jun 22 2004Liv Tyler
Just in from People magazine: Actress Liv Tyler (and Aerosmith lead Steven Tyler's daughter) is expecting a baby. Her publicist confirmed to the magazine that Tyler and her rock singer husband Royston Langdon are overjoyed and look forward to the arrival of their child.
Looks like Liv and Royston have had sex with each other. You heard it here first!
