Jun 23 2008Larry Birkhead buys Anna Nicole Smith's lingerie - for Dannielynn (That's not creepy.)
Larry Birkhead, like any widowed father, wants to make sure daughter Dannielynn has something to remember her mother Anna Nicole Smith by. Unfortunately, this sentiment involves buying two pieces of lingerie that Anna Nicole wore during a Playboy shoot. Did I mention one of them was ridiculously stained? Because it is. It's like you can see the memories. *sigh* The AP reports:
"I have a lot of history I have to put together that she doesn't really know about," Birkhead told The Associated Press. "Playboy was such a big part of Anna's career."
Birkhead bought a pink bustier for $1,800 and a white negligee for $1,000 at the auction, run by Julien's Auctions and held at Planet Hollywood Resort and Casino on the Las Vegas Strip.
A lot of people will say Dannielynn was doomed the day she was born to Anna Nicole. Or, depending on your religious beliefs, the day she was conceived by way of Jesus and a turkey baster. To each his own. But, as for me, I'm going to go ahead and say Dannielynn had a chance until the moment Larry Birkhead said "Oh my God, is that a stain? This is so going in your play room."
Mar 5 2008Anna Nicole Smith's daughter officially her heir
Dannielynn Smith is officially the heir of her late mother Anna Nicole Smith, according to a court ruling yesterday. Anna Nicole's will had only listed her late son Daniel as a heir, but it also stated that her fortune should be divided equally between any other future children. The AP reports:
Dannielynn could inherit millions of dollars if the estate wins an ongoing court fight over the oil fortune of Smith's late second husband, J. Howard Marshall. Smith at one point won a $474 million judgment but it was eventually reduced to zero. In 2006, the U.S. Supreme Court reinstated her claim, but Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg wrote that Marshall didn't include anything for Smith in his will.
It's comforting to know that whether or not Dannielynn becomes the richest baby on two wheels, her daddy Larry Birkhead will always love her - by pimping her out for tabloid photo shoots so he never has to work again. Damn, that's touching. It kind of makes me want to call my dad and tell him I love him. *yells upstairs* DAD! HEY, DAD! I LOVE YOU, MAN! MOVE OUT? HA! YOU OLD SOFTIE! GET DOWN HERE AND GIVE ME A HUG! Hey, Pop - wow, that's a gun.
Sep 14 2007Larry Birkhead’s life is straight out of the Bible
Larry Birkhead, the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby Dannielynn, “fake-posed” at the grave of Anna Nicole’s dead son Daniel. Mark Speer, a former bodyguard for Larry, gave the NY Daily News an earful on Larry’s saint-like activities:
On “fake-posing” at Daniel’s grave
“One day he said he wanted to go to Daniel's grave, ostensibly to pay tribute to him on his birthday. But it turned out he had another idea. He said, ‘We're going to meet two guys from Splash.’ They had arranged to wait in some bushes at the cemetery. They took pictures of Larry pretending to be sad and emotional at the grave site. Only the Splash guys weren't quite satisfied, so they asked him to do it again, and for me to get out of the picture. We did three takes. That was the first sign to me that Larry was in it for the money.”
On negotiating custody of Dannielynn with Howard K. Stern
“It was a secret meeting, where he got to see Dannielynn. ... I heard Howard tell Larry that he'd give him custody of the baby if he [would allow] Stern to remain as executor of the estate. Larry said, ‘I'll think about it.’ At one point, the baby burped up some fluid on a blanket. Howard said, ‘I bet you'd like to have that for DNA.’?”
On, uh, wow, just keep reading
Even more shocking is a trip Speer says he took with Birkhead on a private jet belonging to a wealthy friend of Smith's. The friend's wife “pulled out a stack of photographs,” Speer recalls. “They were pictures of Anna and the baby ... in a hospital bed with her son Daniel. Daniel appeared to be dead. [The friend] told me he was dead.”
Excuse me, I need to slather my chest in shoe polish. Someone’s got to get Dannielynn out of there. It’ll take a true hero with brass balls the size of hubcaps. I’m pretty sure I still know how to catch a bullet with my teeth. I doubt it will come to that. My plan is to throw some spare change at Larry and while he’s busy licking a quarter, I’ll grab Danniellyn then jump off the roof onto a dinosaur. We’ll make our way to Mexico. There I’ll hand her off to the first person or cactus I meet. Years later, on my deathbed, Dannielynn will come to me and say “Gracias, Senor Dinosaur-Hunter. You saved my life.” Then I’ll die and Larry Birkhead will take pictures of himself playing Parcheesi with my corpse. Whoa, surprise ending!
