Nov 9 2009Lady GaGa looking freakishly normal
I always assumed seeing Lady GaGa's actual face would be akin to staring into the Ark of Covenant, and sure enough, it turned out to be a similar experience. Mostly because not unlike the Ark, I found myself compelled to stick my penis in it regardless of the consequences. Hey, tell me something that didn't melt a whole bunch of Nazis wouldn't feel awesome. That's just sound logic.
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Nov 4 2009Lady GaGa's scrotum-do killed a man. Literally.
How has this not happened sooner? Via PopEater:
Lady Gaga stepped onto the red carpet on Monday night sporting a widow-esque black veil, and minutes later, celebrity photographer A.J. Sokalner was dead. Sokalner was working the red carpet at the ACE Awards that the 'Poker Face' singer was attending in New York City when he collapsed just minutes after Gaga took to the carpet. He was pronounced dead at Bellevue Hospital shortly after, and the owner of ACE Pictures, who Sokalner worked for, says emergency workers said he had suffered a heart attack
Jesus Christ. I don't even know how you'd explain this one to someone's family. "Ma'am, we want you to know your husband died bravely photographing a woman whose hair looked like a set of balls. If it's any consolation, I'm sure I'll probably bite it doing something lame like saving kids from a burning build- you know what? Let's start over."
Nov 3 2009Lady GaGa has a scrotum on her head
Lady GaGa attended the 13th Annual Ace Awards last night and apparently decided her hairdo should resemble a nutsac. Maybe it's just me and my penchant for seeing balls everywhere thanks to a childhood accident, but let's be realistic, would any of us really be surprised if Lady GaGa crawled out of the dead grizzly bear she sleeps in and told her stylist she wants a giant scrotum on her head? Frankly, I'm amazed it's not a daily occurrence.
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Oct 5 2009Jessica Biel films 'The A-Team' and other news
- Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise go for a run. Because a couple who jogs together stays together as long as someone keeps batteries in the shock collar. [Lainey Gossip]
- Rihanna thinks she's Lady GaGa now. [Drunken Stepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Lady GaGa thinks she's Rihanna now. Are we in a bad 80s movie? [PopEater]
- Nicole Richie gets rear-ended by a paparazzo. [Just Jared]
- Simon Cowell apparently throws a bitching party. [Celebslam]
- George Clooney demonstrates how he catches cocktail waitress in the wild. [PopSugar]
- Mo'Nique admits she'd eat an Oscar if she won one. [The Blemish]
- Dita Von Teese probably never wants to see another WonderBra again. Or Marilyn Manson's penis covered in white make-up if we're making a list. [Socialite Life]
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Oct 2 2009Lady GaGa & Kanye West tour canceled, but 50 Cent says it was for gays anyway
Lady GaGa and Kanye West's "Fame Kills" tour was canceled yesterday with word coming out that it was GaGa who pulled out. [Insert hermaphrodite joke here.] Of course, none of that really matters because 50 Cent said it's "the gay tour." Via Gabby Babble:
He then tried to justify his comments by saying that this was what Lady Gaga was calling it. Angie Martinez corrected him saying that Lady GaGa told Kanye that she has a large gay following. 50's reply:
"What did Kanye say, 'Me, too?'"
50 then continued and said:
"Kanye's cool with the gay folk. I have nothing against them, but he's cool with them. He goes and drops his video off to them...Ellen. Ellen DeGeneres. He went there to premiere his video. He's conscious of the gay community and wants them to buy his CD."
If 50 Cent wrote the words "Kanye's gay" on some bullets then shot them at a Hummer in slow motion, it probably would've been less subtle than that interview. Mostly.
Oct 1 2009Gwen Stefani likes small children to see her bra at the park and other news
- Jude Law's dramatic reading of Lady GaGa's "Poker Face." [PopEater]
- Gwyneth Paltrow gives investment advice to the peasants. Splendid. [Lainey Gossip]
- La Toya Jackson looks like Michael Jackson with breast implants. Where was she during Jesus Juice time? That's what I'm saying. [Drunken Stepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Kristin Cavallari says Brody Jenner was "very vanilla" in bed. I would've assumed he was more Cookies n' Douche. [Celebslam]
- Reese Witherspoon's chin is getting out of hand. Look, she almost stabbed Paul Rudd! Then who's going to star in every Judd Apatow movie? [PopSugar]
- Rachel Bilson wears jorts. [Just Jared]
- Rose McGowan has ditched Robert Rodriguez. Awesome, now somebody with breasts can play Barbarella as God intended it. [WonderWall]
- Leighton Meester, Blake Lively hasn't made me forget about you. Completely. For the most part. [ICYDK]
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Sep 30 2009Lady GaGa really wants you to look at her crotch
Here's Lady GaGa performing the final show of her tour in D.C. last night, and apparently she wanted the audience to think she was totally free-vag-ing it. This would be kind of cool if I wasn't afraid the clown from Stephen King's "It" is going to roll out and shank me which, let's be realistic, is exactly what would happen.
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Sep 28 2009Lady GaGa doesn't want you to notice her
Here's Lady GaGa arriving at Dulles International Airport in D.C. this morning and trying her best to avoid being photographed by the paparazzi. A task that might've been made simpler by, oh I dunno, wearing pants and not looking like you're about to drive a limo with your clitoris after eating a punchbowl full of coke. Just a thought.
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