Nov 6 2009Kevin Federline's sperm has struck again
Here's a surprise twist, guess who turned out to be the pregnant one in Kevin Federline and Victoria Prince's relationship. (Hint: Don't go by stomachs.) Via Celebuzz:
Prince has been accompanying Kevin as he follows ex-wife Britney Spears all over the globe on her recent tour. Apparently, the couple had a pregnancy false alarm earlier this year, but this time things are serious!
A source says, "The test was positive. She told Kevin that she was pregnant, but he didn't seem happy to hear the news."
Wasn't happy about the news? Jesus. He know he's Kevin Federline, right? By now he should realize any relationship he enters into is inevitably going to end in pregnancy. Whether it be romantic or getting a membership card at Blockbuster.
BRITNEY: How did this happen?
KEVIN: I dunno! I mean, I didn't let her eat Cheetos like I did with you. I just ejaculated directly into her vagina a lot while she wasn't using birth control. It just doesn't make any sense...
BRITNEY: That is weird, y'all. Like one of them miracles or something.
KEVIN: Seriously.
Oct 7 2009Kevin Federline is an incredible tenant
Kevin Federline is apparently being sued for $110,661 by the landlords of his home in Tarzana. They claim he vanished with six months still left on the lease and completely trashed the place. Here's a list of the damages, according to TMZ:
- Gutters full of cigarette butts and empty beer bottles
- A broken beer dispenser on the barbecue island
- Permanent spit marks on exterior paint
- Broken light covers
- Bent light posts
- Broken tiles
- Dead trees and plants due to failure to water
- Drawings all over the walls
- A room that was turned into a studio (without the owners' permission)
- Broken dishwasher ... with broken baskets
- Dismantled smoke detectors
- Front driveway oil-leak damage
- Master bathroom windows tinted (without owners' permission)
Wait a minute. Cigarette butts? Spit marks? Drawings on the wall? Holy shit, he's been having an affair with Britney. I knew it!
Oct 2 2009Kevin Federline is still fat as all hell
The still-rotund Kevin Federline was spotted outside Kabuki Sushi Bar in LA yesterday, and I have no idea why he's wheeling around a tiny suitcase. Although, I'm willing to bet money it holds a cow leg for him to chew on during the ride home.
KEVIN: Vicky, hand me mah cow leg.
VICTORIA: Honey, you left it in the trunk. I'll pull over in a minute.
KEVIN: *gulp*
VICTORIA: What did you just - wait, didn't we have both kids today?
KEVIN: I dunno.
I honestly don't know how things didn't work with Britney. They're soul mates.
Scope Out (12) Pics of Kevin After teh Jump
Sep 23 2009Ashlee Simpson is leggy and other news
- Kanye West can't be having sex with Amber Rose. Just can't be. [Drunken Stepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Jude Law has a new daughter because apparently paying child support out the ass is his favorite. [PopEater]
- Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz reunite in Boston, and he seems to be giving her the classic Katie Holmes arm grip. You know, the one that reminds her not to show human emotion or Xenu will Klaxon ray them both to death. Yeah, that one. [Lainey Gossip]
- Amy Winehouse randomly shows up at schools and beats up kids now. What took so long? [Just Jared]
- Trevor Donovan must work out. [PopSugar]
- Kevin Federline will appear on the next season of Celebrity Fit Club and I will call that fat bastard "Messiah" if he eats Dustin Diamond. Messiah. [Celebslam]
- Jackson Rathbone was injured on the set of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse. Must've been all that lame, non-threatening, dry-humping vampire action. Shit will kill you. [WonderWall]
- Drew Barrymore has mommy issues. Oh, yeah, well Mackenzie Phillips' dad stuck his penis in her for 10 years, so maybe quit your bitching. Just a thought. [The Blemish]
Scope Out (12) Pics of Ashlee After the Jump
Sep 21 2009Gwen Stefani's bra and other news
- Kelly Clarkson loves her giant ass. [PopEater]
- Lindsay Lohan keeps mixing coke with Twitter. [Lainey Gossip]
- Leelee Sobieski is pregnant and exactly two people care about this. One of whom will be maneuvering through a birth canal. [Just Jared]
- Sarah Jessica Parker and the twins she didn't have to birth ease her biological son into the fine art of purchasing children. [PopSugar]
- Drew Carey just wants to be remembered, dammit. He was on Cheers, right? [Celebslam]
- Viggo Mortenson sounds like a badass dad or a hippie if you enjoy bombing shit for Jebus. [Wonderwall]
- Kevin Federline couldn't care less if you make fun of his weight. Unless of course your words close down KFC, then the shit is ON! [The Blemish]
- Michael Jackson appears in a new clip from This is It and, surprise, he looks exactly like the Joker from Batman. I know, what are the odds? [Celebitchy]
Scope Out (12) Pics of Gwen After the Jump
Sep 2 2009Victoria Prince in a bikini and K-Fed's shirtless girth
The entire Spears clan, including divorced members and their girlfriends, must be in Miami because here's Kevin Federline and Victoria Prince hanging out by their hotel's pool yesterday. I love how Kevin's abandoned his dancer physique to channel Dom DeLuise yet somehow still has sex with a woman who's 100 times more in shape than Britney - on her dime. And all he had to do was conceive two kids. Do you know how easily they fit in golf bags? It's like they're barely even there.
Scope Out (28) Pics of Kevin & Victoria After the Jump
Continue Reading "Victoria Prince in a bikini and K-Fed's shirtless girth"
Aug 5 2009Kevin Federline cashes in on his gut
Making each McNugget that almost collapsed his arteries so worth it, Kevin Federline has been offered seven figures to endorse a weight loss product, according to RadarOnline:
Federline is reportedly considering an endorsement deal with a company called EP-2 (Extreme Physical Performance). The source said the former back up dancer has been offered $2.5 million to become the new face of the fat-burning tool which is set to hit over 1,400 GNC stores.
While a rep for Federline has yet to comment, a spokesperson for EP-2 confirmed to RadarOnline.com: "Yes, we're trying to do a deal with him, but nothing has been confirmed yet."
Somewhere Britney Spears just kicked in the door of a Dairy Queen and yelled "I wants mah fats money, too, y'all! BLIZZARD ME, BITCH."
NOTE: Hats off to Fumus who called that shit like a week ago.
Jul 31 2009Seth Rogen shot down by Megan Fox and other news
- Robert Pattinson looks like "feminie," according to Twilight co-star Nikki Reed. She'll be dead within the hour. [Lainey Gossip]
- Katherine Heigl's mouth is basically one more retarded comment away from sodomizing her career. [Celebslam]
- Kevin Federline doesn't do tips. Unless it's his penis and no condoms are involved. Back me up, Jayden. [The Blemish]
- Ashley Tisdale says kissing Zac Efron is weird. Hmm, yes. I could see how him constantly asking "Hey, where's your penis?" could be a tad awkward. [PopEater]
- Jude Law's knows how to treat a lady he had unprotected sex with for a week. [Just Jared]
- Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt are back together? Did the herpes not stick? I don't get it. [PopSugar]
