Sep 3 2009Olivia Wilde hawks perfume and other news
- Michael Jackson's funeral was today. I wonder what it was like when they found out his gravestone dispenses candy. Hmm... [PopEater]
- Salma Hayek flipped out last night at a restaurant when all the outdoor seating was taken even though she didn't have a reservation. Did any of this cause her breasts to shrink? No? Carry on. [Lainey Gossip]
- Kate Beckinsale is hot. I don't say that enough. [PopSugar]
- Janice Dickinson found a man willing to kiss her old, collagen lips without cash changing hands. [Celebslam]
- Ashlee Simpson talks about raising Pete Wentz's spawn on The Today Show. [Just Jared]
- Tori Spelling denies reports that Dean McDermott is only married to her for the money. Clearly it's for the sex. Because who doesn't enjoy banging a sickly, middle-aged woman with implants? And she even had kids. Score! [Socialite Life]
- Kelly Osbourne wants kids to stay off tattoos. Hey, doesn't she know educating kids is for commies? Oh, wait, that only counts if you're a black president. My bad. [ICYDK]
- Kim Cattrall is still a cougar. [Splash News]
- Cate Blanchett goes back to work after getting brained on stage by a co-star and pretty much makes Jeremy Piven look like a giant vagina. [Parade]
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Aug 28 2009Kendra Wilkinson is definitely pregnant and other news
- Kendra Wilkinson poses with her baby bump and does she know we can see her nipples? [Kendra Wilkinson]
- Kourtney Kardashian's baby daddy was trying to pick up chicks the day she announced her pregnancy. That kid is going to turn out awesome. [Celebslam]
- John Mayer gives to charity because he cares and not for some douchetastic ploy for attention. Or do I have those mixed up? [Lainey Gossip]
- Kate Moss likes Gypsies, too. [Just Jared]
- Heidi Montag loves that Anderson Cooper trashed her on CNN. Of course. [PopEater]
- Madonna continues to swim fully clothed while showing Eastern Europe half her ass on stage. [PopSugar]
- Kelly Osbourne used to take 50 Vicodin a day. [Wonderwall]
- Irina Voronina claims she was fired from Entourage because she refused to flirt with the cast. Vince's Smelly Cock strikes again! [The Blemish]
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Jan 23 2009Kelly Osbourne back in rehab
On the heels of news she was arrested for assaulting a photographer, Kelly Osbourne has checked herself into rehab, according to People:
Her reps say in a statement to PEOPLE, "Kelly Osbourne has voluntarily entered a medical facility to address some personal issues. Her family stands by and supports her."
Late Thursday, Osbourne's mother Sharon was quoted on RadarOnline.com as saying, "Yeah, Kelly's in rehab. What else can we say? She knew that it was the right thing to do at this point and we're proud that she did it. The family is all standing behind her. Kelly knew that she needed help and she's getting it."
Unless this rehab facility can go back in time and magically make Kelly fall out of a different vagina, she probably had the right idea with all the drinking. Trust me, I'm a doctor - of love.
Aug 28 2008Kelly Osbourne propositioned by Axl Rose
Axl Rose reportedly came on strong to Kelly Osbourne at a party. Designer Richie Rich watched the whole thing go down and couldn't believe the crap coming out of the 46-year-old singer's mouth, according to OK! Magazine:
"He was really weird with her," said the Heatherette fashionista at a party for the launch of the new Tide and Downy Total Care washing liquid. "He kept leering at her and saying, "I want to f*** you!"
"I want to fuck you." Axl Rose, everybody. World class Casanova - if it were 1985.
Feb 8 2008Amy Winehouse moves in with Ozzy
Amy Winehouse is out of rehab and has apparently scored herself some new digs - with the Osbournes. I smell a sitcom! Page Six reports:
She's moving in with Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne and their daughter, Kelly, in the guesthouse of their estate outside London. The stick-figured "Rehab" singer, just out of rehab herself, is a longtime pal of Kelly, also a former rehabber. "Kelly has always been there for Amy, they are very tight," a source tells London's Daily Mirror.
I bet, if you walked into the Osbourne's house while Amy Winehouse lived there, your brain would literally split in two from the onslaught of crazy. You'd be better off eating a cereal bowl full of peyote - which, coincidentally, I did before driving/riding a poodle to work. So far I've been unable to convince my co-workers that I'm Jesus. Looks like I'll have to eat this marker to prove it to them. *crunch* Hmm. Tastes like butterscotch. See, Bill, I told you. Now get the messiah his coffee.
Jan 14 2008Amy Winehouse and Kelly Osbourne have brunch
Amy Winehouse had Sunday brunch with Kelly Osbourne yesterday. I love how Kelly, whose father is Ozzy Osbourne of all people, still manages to register shock at the sight of Amy. I bet Ozzy will catch a glimpse of Amy Winehouse and, after pissing himself, try to stab her with a wooden stake. “Bloody hell. Sharon! One of them fucking vampires are in the house again! It smells like bloody shit and chips. Aw, hell, it’s eating my popsicles. Not the blue ones - Sharon!”
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Oct 29 2007Kelly Osbourne hopefully received pants for her birthday
Kelly Osbourne celebrated her 23rd birthday Saturday at Maya in Soho. It appears she’s not wearing any pants. Hence why there’re no other pictures of her besides this one. Sure these paparazzi-folk put themselves in harm’s way to get any shot. There is a limit. A large, pale cellulite limit. How this photog’s camera didn’t burst into flames is beyond me. Unless. I’ve seen this angle before. Could it be? No. But, maybe. Satan?
