Jul 13 2009David Duchovny shirtless and other news
- Mel Gibson directed his pregnant girlfriend's new video. Surprisingly, it doesn't involve torture and/or Jew hating. I'm shocked. [PopEater]
- Hugh Jackman gets it. ScarJo and Ryan Reynolds do not get it. [Lainey Gossip]
- Emmanuelle Chriqui's breasts turns women into lesbians. [Celebslam]
- Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan got married, and I debated whether to include them here, the shortbus of posts. Read into that what you will. [Pink is the New Blog]
- Jon Gosselin smokes cigarettes now. I will pay him $25 million to ash in Kate's porcupine do on the first post-divorce episode. And by $25 million I mean this doodle of a naked Kim Kardashian telling me to land the Millenium Falcon on her ass. [Just Jared]
- Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban had a date night just like a normal couple. Until they threw gold bricks at puppies. I'm kidding. Just Nicole did. Because she's dead inside. [I'm Not Obsessed]
- Britney Spears choreographed the newest song on her tour herself, so if you're a ticketholder, prepare yourself for three-to-five minutes of dancers kicking toddlers in the face to get at a pile of french fries. [PopSugar]
May 21 2009Hayden Panettiere's tattoo spelled wrong
- Hayden Panettiere's tattoo is misspelled. Supposed to read "Insert Superficial Writer Here --->." [Just Jared]
- Keith Urban is hitting the Botox like Nicole Kidman. Didn't she just get out of a relationship with a gay guy? Or am I thinking of LeAnn Rimes again? [Lainey Gossip]
- Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt continue dry humping each other all over Cannes. That's one way to boost your movie career. Provided you don't get the clap in Spielberg's drink. [Pink is the New Blog]
- Katrina Darrell a.k.a. American Idol's Bikini Girl probably got implants. Or else she's allergic to bees and was symmetrically stung by two of them on each side of her chest. I'm not a doctor. [Celebslam]
- Rihanna's alleged new boyfriend says he's not dating her which means he's afraid of Chris Brown. Dude, as long as you don't have a vagina, you're perfectly safe. -- Unless there's something you want to tell us? [I'm Not Obsessed]
May 1 2009Nicole Kidman takes swing at Tom Cruise
Nicole Kidman has taken a crack at her marriage with Tom Cruise and even dished out a surprising jab at Katie Holmes. Marie Claire reports:
'I felt I became a star only by association,' she complained to Easy Living magazine. 'We would go to the Oscars and I would think, "I'm here to support him." I felt it was my job to put on a beautiful dress and be seen and not heard.'
Meanwhile, Nic calls new husband Keith Urban her 'greater love', although it appears her greatest love is reserved for her daughter.
However, the Moulin Rouge actress hasn't totally lose her sense of humour, speaking about her adopted children, she quips: 'Bella is very maternal. Connor would like one of us to have a boy. [Pauses.] Katie...? [Laughs].'
Oh, SNAP! The Nicole Kidman burn, ladies and gentlemen. You never know when to expect it because nine times out of 10 in ends with her shattering into a million porcelain pieces while Keith Urban frantically whips out the Super Glue.
Apr 8 2009Hugh Jackman thinks he's so tough...
- Hugh Jackman arrives at the Sydney premiere of Wolverine by jumping out of a helicopter. Somebody should put this guy in one of those superhero movies. [Vulture]
- Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick are finally divorcing. He wants to date other women while she just wants to realize her dream of competing in the Kentucky Derby. Don't stop believing! [Allie is Wired]
- Levi Johnston continues to battle Sarah Palin in the press. Wants people to know he's not white trash, he just likes huntin', fishin' and knockin' bitches up. That's all. [Jezebel]
- Hugh Laurie is not a fan of pranks on the set of House. Then again his mother was killed by a marching band hiding inside an elevator, so I can see how this might offend him. [Videogum]
- Keith Urban scores a threesome with his wife Nicole Kidman and Taylor Swift. He was just about to quit country music altogether, but it turns out it can get you laid - and this time not with a relative. [Best Week Ever]
Apr 6 2009The Country Music Awards
Here's pretty much everything you need to know about last night's Country Music Awards. For the record, I didn't actually watch them because I was too busy doing something more enjoyable. (Read: Paying the neighbor kid to throw rocks at my genitals.):
Taylor Swift is hot. -- I could end the post right here and still have covered everything that was remotely interesting about the CMAs. True story.
LeAnn Rimes dared show her adulterous face. You bitch! Jesus is watching!
Jennifer Love Hewitt continued her mental breakdown by appearing in public with Jamie Kennedy.
Nicole Kidman wore a backless dress, and it made Keith Urban laugh the nervous laugh of a man who just realized he's banging a mannequin.
Kris Jenner somehow was invited. Because nothing says country like the widow of a lawyer who helped a black man beat murder charges. That should play well in the south.
Jul 15 2008Nicole Kidman takes a jab at Angelina Jolie thus igniting The Baby War of '08
Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban have quietly thumbed their noses at celebs brokering baby photo deals. Probably not a smart move because I'm pretty sure Angelina Jolie could take Nicole in a fight. In fact, in the sake of research, I'm going to imagine such a battle right now. "Pow! BAM! Ziff! Use the battering ram, Nicole!" While I'm performing my journalistic duties, scope out what a friend of Nicole's told the Sydney Morning Herald. "BOFF! Eek! Ease up, Angelina. She's Australian!":
"They don't think it's appropriate to make deals. They are still deciding how they feel about - if and when they will release a photo at all. But they realise there is enormous interest from the public and they are grateful and appreciative of that," the source said.
Damn, if they're just giving them away, I'll get in on that. Give me two 8 x 10s and some wallets. I can't guarantee I won't pretend I'm a single father to pick up chicks at the mall - because I'm going to. So, can you maybe Photoshop Sunday Rose a bit? You know, make her look like the fruit of my loins. Just add a knife between her teeth and eyes that can see into a woman's soul. (Read: Give her those X-Ray glasses with the spirals for lenses.)
Jul 9 2008Nicole Kidman chose the name 'Sunday Rose' to piss off Tom Cruise (Neat.)
Nicole Kidman gave birth to a little girl on Monday and stuck her with the curious moniker of Sunday Rose. But why? If you're like me, you haven't been able to shit thinking up reasons. Yes, that's how serious I take this job. (Or eat too much cheese.) Anyway, friends of Nicole are saying the baby's name is a tiny slap across Tom Cruise's midget face, according to MSNBC:
“Nicole is a Catholic, and Sunday was an important religious day for her until she was involved in Scientology,” said the source. “She’s still bitter about her experience with Scientology and the fact her baby’s name could be perceived as one last jab doesn’t exactly upset her.”
Other names Nicole Kidman considered:
Your Penis is the Size of a Gherkin Elizabeth Kidman Urban
Madison I Hate Your Grinning Buttpirate Face Kidman Urban
Olivia L. Ron Hubbard had a Vagina Taylor Kidman Urban
Katie Holmes He's Afraid of Raccoons Use Them And Run Bitch Run Kimberly Kidman Urban
Jul 7 2008Nicole Kidman has babies coming out of her vagina!
Nicole Kidman, who I completely forgot was pregnant, gave birth to baby girl Sunday Rose Kidman Urban this morning. This is Nicole's first child and Keith Urban's as well. Her two children with Tom Cruise are adopted and creepy Scientologists, so they don't count. Us Magazine reports:
The baby weighed 6 pounds, 7 ounces.
"Husband Keith was by Nicole's side and mother and baby are very well," the rep said.
I have to admit Keith and Nicole do look happy. He's also not hung up on her size like a certain knee-high Thetan. (Yeah, I'm looking at you Travolta!) If Tom Cruise were in these pictures he'd be wearing a jetpack and yelling "Look at me! I'm tall too! You can't legally declare someone a midget! I wear big boy pants! WHEE!" Then he'd get caught in a spider web.
Congrats to Nicole, Keith and Sunday Rose!
Continue Reading "Nicole Kidman has babies coming out of her vagina!"
