Apr 28 2009Julia Roberts is capable of profanity
- Julia Roberts swears! And even more shockingly, is alive. Holy shit! [PopSugar]
- Fergie's shoe line includes heels named after The Jonas Brothers? So are you not allowed to wear them until you're married? I don't get it. [MTV Buzzworthy]
- Courtney Love is opening up a lingerie store. Want to make your husband impotent? Your prayers have been answered. [ICYDK]
- Hugh Jackman isn't fucking with swine flu and has canceled the Mexican leg of his Wolverine promotional tour. Fortunately, he waited for Heidi and Spencer to get down there before saying "Ha, you're joking right? Pull the plug." [Videogum]
- Gisele Bundchen takes her baby out to play. Even though it came of Bridget Moynahan's vagina. Mere technicality. [Jezebel]
- Keira Knightley insists she eats. In fact, she loves food so much she'll marry it right here then have food children. -- I've gone too far, haven't I? [Best Week Ever]
- Suri Cruise bolts from Tom Cruise. Katie Holmes, you should take notes. [Allie is Wired]
Apr 2 2009Lindsay Lohan isn't leaving Man-Thing
- Lindsay Lohan denies break-up rumors again because, honestly, what else does she have to do? [I'm Not Obsessed]
- Johnny Depp hugs fans in Puerto Rico. In related news, mainland America's female population decreased by 50% moments ago as boat sales skyrocketed. [Pop Sugar]
- Kate Walsh drinks wine while shopping, and it's sexy. I down an Olde E in Toys 'R Us, and it's "illegal." No such thing as celebrity justice, huh? [Just Jared]
- Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler break up again. These two are like Romeo & Juliet. Minus the suicide. -- Goddammit. [Pink is the New Blog]
- Seth Rogen is hosting SNL this weekend which will undoubteldy test the nation's aloofness threshold. [Videogum]
- Keira Knightley battles domestic violence with brutal PSA. [Jezebel]
- Mickey Rourke : stray dogs :: Me : one-legged strippers. [Best Week Ever]
- Octo-Mom gets a baby seat thrown through her minivan by vandal. Because that'll teach her about driving vans in this town! [Radar Online]
- The Osbournes' new reality show is a flaming pile of shit. Who could've predicted that? Not counting the entire Earth's population including fetuses. [Vulture]
- Heidi Montag has more "music" coming. You know what would be happier news? Scientists discovering a new strand of AIDS. [Allie is Wired]
Oct 11 2008Keira Knightley is serious about getting naked
Apparently, if you want Keira Knightley to take off her clothes and smear herself with apple jelly you have to give her a good reason. (I know, show-biz people—touchy, right?) The Duchess actress took time out from looking hot to reveal her philosophy about nude scenes to Glamour:
GLAMOUR: What about nudity? Are you comfortable doing it in a film?KK: Pretty comfortable. I certainly wouldn’t do it if I wasn’t…. I detest unnecessary nudity and what it says about women in society.
GLAMOUR: What do you think it says?
KK: I think you see a lot of films where, Oh, yes, the woman gets her tits out again and runs around naked for no reason. And you kind of go, Ugh, do we have to?
Keira probably doesn't have to worry about pulling her tits out for no reason, since she's built like a 12-year-old boy and doesn't have any tits. But she's right that she shouldn't strip down unless it's essential to the plot. Hopefully she'll warm up to the project currently in development in my head, Keira Knightley Runs Out of Clean Clothes So She Has to Do Her Laundry Naked and the Washing Machine Overflows So She Gets All Wet and Covered in Soap Suds. She should like it, since it's a period piece, set in a time when she runs out of clean clothes, so she has to do her laundry naked and the washing machine overflows so she gets all wet and covered in soap suds.
Continue Reading "Keira Knightley is serious about getting naked"
Dec 7 2007Keira Knightley poses almost topless (I hate you, suspenders)
Keira Knightley posed "topless" for the latest issue of Interview magazine. She's definitely soft on the eyes, though a bit too thin for my taste. Contrary to popular belief, I’m not into tying a rock to my lover so she doesn’t take flight in a slight breeze.
Continue Reading "Keira Knightley poses almost topless (I hate you, suspenders)"
Dec 7 2007Keira Knightley’s dress held in place by magic
Keira Knightley attended the premiere of her new movie Atonement last night in L.A. What manner of dark wizardry is keeping the top of her dress on? It’s like it’s super-glued to her breasts, if that’s what we’re calling them. I don’t know if they meet the requirements to be classified as such. According to the dictionary I wrote: “The female breast must not protrude into the chest but rather out. It must also present itself post haste for the predetermined price of one American dollar.” Sadly, the people at Webster didn’t see fit to adopt my definition. Philistines!
Continue Reading "Keira Knightley’s dress held in place by magic"
Sep 4 2007Keira Knightley is looking a tad over-weight
Set aside the fact that I’m a dynamo in the sack, and, okay, the public park. And any dressing room in an average U.S. retail store. Alright, bottom line, I’m the Messiah of Doing It. Regardless of that obvious and verifiable fact, I’m absolutely certain Keira Knightley would crumble into a fine powder after I gave her my sermon and a mount. I wish more women would follow her example. Hey, thanks for the sex, and oh, awesome, you’re a pile of dust. Where’s my vacuum?
Aug 21 2007Keira Knightley is wise
Keira Knightley shared some pearls of wisdom during an interview with UK's Radio Times.
On looking good
"Somebody goes, 'Gosh, you're pretty.' Thanks. I've got good genes! OK, I'm on the cover of a magazine but somebody else does the hair, and the makeup, and airbrushes the fuck out of me – it's not me, it's something other people have created."
On being rich and famous
"It frightens me when kids go, 'I want to be famous.' Why? Because you can get into a restaurant? You know what? If you book [a table], you can get into a restaurant! 'I want to be rich and famous.' Go and work on the stock market."
On suing Britain's Daily Mail for suggesting she had an eating disorder
"You couldn't say anything more horrendous. So yes, I did take a hard line, and I would take that line again."
So Keira Knightley's advice for people who want to be rich and famous is to go into the stock market. Brilliant brilliant stuff. I mean, Hollywood, stock market, they're basically the same thing. It's like telling somebody who dreams of being an astronaut to get a job at Costco. Because, you know, they sell telescopes. Same thing!
Jan 23 2007Keira Knightley sues paper for saying she's thin
Keira Knightley is suing the Daily Mail over an article which implied she lied about having an eating disorder. Her lawyer says:
"The article made reference to what it perceived to be Ms Knightley's very slim appearance. The article then reported the recent, tragic death of a teenage girl who suffered from anorexia and contained an interview with the girl's mother. We wish to make clear that Ms Knightley has the deepest sympathy for the girl's family. Ms Knightley has publicly denied suggestions that she might be anorexic or have a similar eating disorder, including in a prominent way at a well-publicised press conference to mark the European premiere of Pirates Of The Caribbean 2, in London last summer. Accordingly, in the proceedings, Ms Knightley will argue that the Mail's article suggests that she has dishonestly sought to mislead the public about whether she has anorexia or a similar eating disorder and will show that she does not have anorexia; and further will challenge the suggestion that she is responsible and to blame for the tragic death of the teenage girl by setting a bad example."
Maybe Keira Knightley doesn't know what anorexia means. She probably thinks it's some kind of dinosaur. That would explain a lot of things, like how she's so very anorexic but thinks she isn't. "No, no, I'm not an anorexic. I think those went extinct like a billion years ago."
