Jul 14 2009Karolina Kurkova is pregnant
Seen here just three weeks ago, Victoria's Secret model and belly button-less wonder Karolina Kurkova is six months pregnant, according to People:
"Supermodel and actress Karolina Kurkova and her fiancé, film producer Archie Drury have announced that they are expecting their first child," the statement reads. "The couple have been together for a little over a year."
Remember the good ol' days when models did so much heroin they were practically barren? What happened with that? Did we lose a war or something? Honestly, I don't know. I've been harvesting heroin in my love dungeon non-sexual sun room for the past five years. Here model, model...
Nov 20 2008Karolina Kurkova doesn't have a belly button
Man, British people are smart. The folks over at BBC News made a startling discovery over the weekend: Karolina Kurkova doesn't have a belly button. Wait. Women have belly buttons? When did that happen?:
Its absence was noticed this week when the 24-year-old graced a US catwalk for lingerie giant Victoria Secret. While most of us have an "outie" or an "innie", Ms Kurkova has a smooth indentation (although sometimes a tummy button is airbrushed onto her photos in post-production).
Ms Kurkova has not spoken publicly about how she came to have a smooth navel, and all her agent will say is "she's not an alien".
Of course, this news would be startling if I didn't just make a fascinating discovery of my own: Karolina Kurkova - has a face. BOOM-SHAKA-LAKA!
That's how you report, my friends. That's how you report.
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Nov 14 2008Victoria's Secret Angels in Bikinis
These are behind the scene shots of Alessandra Ambrosio, Adriana Lima, Marisa Miller and Karolina Kurkova posing for a press junket to promote the Victoria's Secret Annual Fashion Show at Fountainebleu in Miami. If you're wondering about the fuzziness of the pics, that's called "Hero Vision." No, really, whoever took these should be hunting down terrorists. Or hiding in Mila Kunis' shower. Either one.
Mar 5 2008Adriana Lima, Karolina Kurkova launch stuff
It's kind of a slow news day, if you can't tell by the Matthew McConaughey post. Fortunately, something awesome did get launched by Adriana Lima and Karoline Kurkova last night. That would be the Victoria's Secret Uplift Biofit bra. I have no idea what it does, but it seems to involve lifting boobs - a time-honored tradition of mine. My father was a breast lifter, as was his father before him and so forth down the line. It's believed that we belong to the proud lineage of Claudius of Boobistouchia. Claudius is known historically for his devotion to the boob until he died tragically giving Cleopatra a Purple Nurple.
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Dec 17 2007Karolina Kurkova wears panties
These are the final round of shots from Victoria’s Secret model Karolina Kurkova’s three-day photo shoot in St. Barts. I bet if you removed her panties an angel would fly out of her vagina. Of course, I’d shoot the angel mid-flight with my laser wang and watch it fall into the ocean. Sometimes I like to send God a message that I don’t appreciate winged creatures interrupting my sexual conquests. Like the time a dragon cock-blocked me with Jessica Simpson. I chopped off its head with a broken whiskey bottle and breathed fire down its neck. True story.
Dec 14 2007Karolina Kurkova does some more posing
Some new shots of Victoria’s Secret model Karolina Kurkova’s photo shoot in St. Barts have popped up. Nothing like a hot young model to help kick off your Friday. Of course, if you’re like me, your weekend began last night. Okay, maybe not so much last night as around lunch time when I filled my Thermos full of schnapps at work. However, I don’t think my co-workers enjoyed my input at the big meeting later that day. Apparently standing up and announcing that Jill from accounting was giving me a boner wasn’t the correct response to the budget report. Especially considering I was seated right next to her and had also misplaced my pants. But then my boss gave me a “permanent vacation.” Ha ha! Suck on that, co-workers. I totally win.
Dec 13 2007Karolina Kurkova flashes all kinds of stuff
These are shots of Victoria’s Secret model Karolina Kurkova at a photo shoot in Saint Barts yesterday. I enjoy how she gets dressed in a giant collapsible tube. It’s almost like she’s in the future. I can’t wait until the day we all can wake up in the morning, step into a tube and be instantly dressed for work. For now I’ll have to settle for changing out of my PJ’s in the janitor’s closet. Though I wish he wouldn’t watch while quietly sipping his coffee. At least toss me a compliment or something. I may seem like just a glistening collection of biceps and abdominal muscles, but I have feelings too, you know?
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May 23 2007Karolina Kurkova has cellulite
Czech supermodel and Victoria's Secret Angel Karolina Kurkova was spotted at a photoshoot in New York City sporting super small shorts and some cellulite. Which doesn't make any sense, because I've seen pictures of her in magazines and she definitely doesn't have any cellulite. She also enjoys lounging around in lingerie and hanging out topless with her friends. I would know, I've seen the pictures. So what is this, like special effects or something?
