Oct 1 2009Jessica Biel got dumped
Here's an emaciated Jessica Biel returning to Vancouver today to film The A-Team, and she totally got dumped by Justin Timberlake. I can tell by the way she's trying to smile at the paparazzi instead of her usual response of punching through their car window and knocking their heads together. Poor thing.
Sep 30 2009Madonna eats our lowly mortal food and other news
- Dustin Diamond reads an excerpt from his tell-all book involving Mario Lopez's sexual conquests - with women. Nice try, Screech. [PopEater]
- Jessica Biel really did get dumped by Justin Timberlake: A convincing argument. [Lainey Gossip]
- Denise Richards: I'd still hit it. I don't care if she talks about Charlie Sheen's fear of breastfeeding the whole time, I'd do it. That needed to be said. [Drunken Stepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Katie Holmes should be using this time for something more useful than taking Suri shopping. Like, oh I dunno, fleeing the goddamn country and adopting a new alias. Kids love that shit. [PopSugar]
- Jon Hamm in Muppet form. [Just Jared]
- Jessica Alba finds acting work in the third Fockers movie. -- Why did that sentence feel like an oxymoron? [The Blemish]
- Kate Gosselin on slowing down the divorce: "Fuuuuuuuuuuck that." Okay, maybe not her exact words, but it's what she was thinking while stuffing her children in brown sacks with dollar signs on them. [Socialite Life]
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Sep 30 2009Jessica Biel & Justin Timberlake don't look broken up
Reports are coming in that Justin Timberlake kicked Jessica Biel to the curb (Possibly for Rihanna according to Star.), but here's the two of them together last night after a romantic dinner. Then again, this could just be the always awkward "Please stop nailing dead bats to my door" dinner that inevitably ended in sex because Jessica Biel's ass was sculpted by cherubs on a magic cloud of assy goodness. It's in the Bible.
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Aug 14 2009Justin Timberlake is a biker now and other news
- Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner in the full New Moon trailer. [PopEater[
- Robert Downey Jr. in track pants carrying a man purse. I have no fucking clue. [Lainey Gossip]
- Audrina Patridge and her wonky breasts get denied a chance on Dancing with the Stars by MTV. [Celebslam]
- Nick Lachey probably masturbates with his tears a lot. [The Blemish]
- Rachel McAdams does The Daily Show. [PopSugar]
- Jennifer Aniston will sing in her next movie. Hopefully as a topless ninja or else that movie's gonna bomb. [Just Jared]
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Jul 15 2009Justin Timberlake: 'Robert Pattinson is sexier'
Apparently not even Justin Timberlake can withstand the sheer, brooding beauty of Robert Pattinson. E! News reports:
Jessica Biel's BF took to his Twitter last night to answer some looming questions. Among them was this gem: "Why aren't you sexy like Robert Pattinson?"
Justin, who sees himself in 10 years "through a mirror and with more wrinkles," responds, "Because God loved him more than me."
Obviously, there's a simple way to prove who's truly sexier: Make them mate and have a baby together. Then, after five years, whichever one the kid chooses to live with at the end of a controversial custody battle is the winner. (Or whoever doesn't get shafted with weekends.) Got all that? Okay, go! Make that JTimPatz baby.
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Jul 10 2009UPDATE: Justin Timberlake up for Green Lantern
The Hollywood Reporter claims Warner Bros. has narrowed down the casting for their next superhero tentpole Green Lantern down to three candidates and, somehow, Justin Timberlake is one of them. Via I Watch Stuff:
Warners has spent the past five months searching for the actor to play Hal Jordan, the hot-shot Air Force pilot who is chosen by a dying alien to be his successor in an intergalactic police force known as the Green Lanterns.
This week, the race narrowed to Bradley Cooper, Ryan Reynolds and Justin Timberlake.
So Britney's becoming a Jew, and Justin Timberlake's getting his own superhero franchise. I always knew these two would grow up to become equals in Hollywood. (Not counting the past four to five years when I assumed Britney would be caught eating her kids on a hot dog bun.)
UPDATE: According to Variety, it looks like Ryan Reynolds will be pulling down some green tights to bang Scarlett Johansson between takes.
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Jul 3 2009Justin Timberlake is tired of Jessica Biel
Justin Timberlake is growing tired of Jessica Biel's ass despite the scientific fact it was carved by Zeus himself out of awesome and "Goddamn!" NY Daily News reports:
"Things don't look good for them right now -- they've hit a really rocky spot," confides a source close to Timberlake, who adds that serious problems began back in February during a boys' trip to Las Vegas.
"Justin had to leave dinner once because Jessica was calling him incessantly. They got into a huge screaming match over the phone about how she's always 'checking up' on him. She's extremely needy and is always keeping tabs on him." The insider isn't the only one who thinks Biel is a bother. "All his friends think she's really annoying," added the source. "She's always trying to be one of the guys. She and Justin have no chemistry."
And if things went badly between JT and Biel the last time the singer went away for a weekend with the boys, they're surely no better now.
"Justin is partying in London right now," said the insider. "Jessica wanted to go with him, but he wasn't having it. He just wanted to get away with the guys. He needed his space from her."
I'd hate to see these two break up, so since I'm a nice guy, I volunteer to keep Jessica company while Justin's away. That said, I should probably point out I'm a nudist, so if she gets turned on by seeing me eat a waffle and stuff happens, it's not my fault. A man's gotta eat.
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Jul 1 2009Kevin Jonas gets to touch a vagina soon!
- Kevin Jonas is engaged to his girlfriend of two years, and holy shit, is that an eternity of dry-humping. A lesser man would've shot himself. (Read: This guy.) [Pink is the New Blog]
- Gwyneth Paltrow's mouth continues to be a never-ending stream of smarm. [PopSugar]
- Lindsay Lohan calls Justin Timberlake's clothing line a "Macy's brand" and "gross" on Twitter which would almost be an insult if Lindsay could afford to shop at Macy's and wasn't, well, Lindsay. [Lainey Gossip]
- Karen Mulder of Victoria's Secret fame was arrested for making "vicious" phone calls to her plastic surgeon. Because insulting the man who holds a knife over your unconscious body is always smart. Well played. [Celebslam]
- Hilary Duff is joining the cast of Gossip Girls. Great. Now who's going to play Meghan McCain in the Lifetime original movie Sarah Palin Fucked Me Out of My Own Room at the White House? [Just Jared]
- Mandy Moore on the cover of Women's Health looks absolutely nothing like Mandy Moore. Unless she's a 35-year-old housewife now. Then maybe. [I'm Not Obsessed]
