Nov 4 2008Barack Obama is the President of the United States
Ladies and Gentleman, Barack H. Obama: The nation's first African-American president!
An historic moment that none of us will ever forget.
The Superficial will return to its regularly scheduled chicanery tomorrow. But goddamn what a night.
EDIT: Just hell fucking yeah! I'm sorry, but this is a day a lot of people never thought they'd see. I might be a guy who cracks jokes about his penis and loves breasts more than life itself, but what a monumental moment for America. Just incredible. You may now fire away at my political views because, shit, that's just another reason this country is awesome. Freedom of speech. G'night, guys!
Nov 2 2008John McCain meets Tina Fey's Sarah Palin
Before we dive into today's posting, did everyone remember to set your clocks back? If you didn't, congratulations, you can smoke/drink/pray to the Baby Jesus your face off for another hour because you're ahead of the game!
The Superficial: We're Like a Freakin' National Treasure Over Here.
Senator John McCain stopped by Saturday Night Live last night and has to know he lost this thing. He did a QVC infomercial with Tina Fey's Sarah Palin and this sketch had everything: Joe Biden, William Ayers, Cindy McCain (The real one!) and the infamous "Rogue Sarah." Give it a watch then try not to build a time machine so you can jump ahead to Wednesday before you jab yourself in the eye with a lapel pin. In the meantime, I need to see a man about a flux capacitor.
UPDATE: It was a shoe. Never trust the homeless.
Oct 24 2008Spencer Pratt hearts gay marriage
To all the readers who thought Spencer Pratt is gay, give yourselves a big ol' pat on the back. Turns out that, despite their staunch Republican upbringing, Heidi and Spencer are huge supporters of same-sex marriage. Especially Spencer. The guy loves it (I mean, LOVES it) and couldn't help but share his feelings with E! News:
"I think it's your own choice," Montag said last night at the opening of Svedka presents Hollywood, DC: Lights! Camera! Election!, an art show at the World of Wonder Storefront Gallery in Hollywood. "I think, you know, whoever you decide to marry—boys, girls, whatever you like—it's up to you."
Pratt credits his girlfriend's glam squad with his open-mindedness. "Heidi's hair and makeup people are my favorite people in the world and they happen to be gay," he said. "So if they wanna go marry each other, good for them."
But don't worry; they're still huge supporters of John McCain who, surprisingly, hasn't locked these two in Guantanamo Bay before he dives even further in the polls (There's still time, Senator. Maverick their asses!):
They don't think Colin Powell's endorsement of Barack Obama will hurt Sen. McCain. "I think McCain is strong and great," Montag cooed. "And, you know, who needs Colin Powell?"
Heidi Montag: a vapid, mountain of chin and funbags dismissing the career of Colin Powell. Only in America, folks. In the meantime, I included just one pic of Spencer on this post and the rest are all Heidi - which I now realize is like putting a birthday hat on a tumor: Cute, but what the fuck?
Video after the jump.
Oct 15 2008Hayden Panettiere 'endorses' John McCain, drops the F-bomb
Hayden Panettiere, who claims she's "hot enough to get your attention for 30 seconds," gives a fake profanity-laden endorsement for John McCain in this FunnyOrDie video that's 99% Die. Okay, listen, I'm liberal as they come, but for the love of God, knock this shit off. It's not cute. It's definitely not funny. And you probably just convinced a bunch of rednecks they're going to literally get "fucked" by voting for McCain. As if these avid gun enthusiasts weren't going to be pissed off enough if Obama wins, you've added blue balls to the equation. How can that go wrong? Fortunately, it's been a lifelong dream of mine to get shot at my local Arby's. Thanks, Hayden!
Oct 9 2008Paris Hilton offers advice to Sarah Palin
Paris Hilton is continuing her cute, little "presidential campaign" in the latest issue of Harper's Bazaar. When she's not shilling for Rock Band 2 (Gotta love those MTV contracts), Paris had some friendly advice for a certain vice-presidential candidate:
My advice to Sarah Palin is, you’ve got a hot bod; don’t keep it to yourself. Why wear a pantsuit when you can wear a swimsuit? Welcome to the Lower 48, girlfriend.
With their candidate down in the polls, you know someone in the McCain campaign just read this and went "Hmm. Maybe..." Unfortunately, that person was John McCain who collapsed shortly thereafter from a condition known as "old guy boner." It happens.
NOTE: Take part in democracy by weighing in on the Paris Hilton vs. Heidi & Spencer debate going on now which is truly the greatest issue facing our country today. (Next to that economy thing.)
Continue Reading "Paris Hilton offers advice to Sarah Palin"
Oct 3 2008Sarah Palin is gosh-darn adorable a don'tcha know
Last night the Vice Presidential Debate took place between Republican Governor Sarah Palin and Democratic Senator Joe Biden. If you don't know who these people are, please engage in activities with a high risk of infertility. Anyway, consider this post an open thread/romper room to get your politics on and sound off about the debate. In the meantime, I'll be trying to salvage my eardrums which feel like they've been raped by Marge Gunderson from Fargo.
Oh, and who do I think won? How about I answer a completely different question instead? Waffles.*
*Didn't get the joke? Don't worry; I'll post about Britney soon.
Sep 29 2008Sarah Palin swimsuit video by insane demand
Before she was Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, she was Sarah Heath, aspiring model. By ridiculous request, here's the video of Sarah during the swimsuit competition portion of the 1984 Miss Alaska Beauty Pageant. While 80's hair and one-piece bathing suits don't exactly raise my flag, I'll admit the governor does have an ass on her. On that note, I should probably watch what I say before my words end up in a campaign ad:
Even fancy liberals with their magic Internet boxes agree: One half of McCain/Palin will bring much needed badonkadonk to Washington.
"I'll admit the governor does have an ass on her." - The Superficial, 9/29/2008
McCain/Palin: Oops, I dropped my pen...
Sep 25 2008Sarah Silverman endorses Barack Obama - by insulting black people
Sarah Silverman endorses Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama in this video that encourages her fellow Jews to blackmail their Florida-residing grandparents into voting for Obama. I posted it because I know how much you guys love when celebrities talk about politics. It's your favorite :)
NOTE: Video is NSFW due to language such as fuck, shit, damn and brisket.
