Jul 15 2009Jessica Simpson's dad ruined her relationship with Tony Romo. Again.
First it was reports that John Mayer was still texting Jessica Simpson, now it seems Papa Joe was annoying the shit out of Tony Romo again causing him to bolt, according to FOX News:
Another inside source said that Jessica's manager/father Joe Simpson's meddling ways most likely took its toll on the relationship, which is the reason why they split the first time fourteen months ago. We're told Joe promised he'd take a step back when the couple reunited but he was still too involved in his daughter's private life.
"At one point Joe was even giving Tony football advice which doesn't go down well," said an insider. "Tony was a football superstar before he got mixed up in Hollywood, this move will be probably be good at least for his career."
And not to mention the pop princess/country crooner was eager to tie-the-knot again, something Romo apparently wasn't ready to do.
Okay, I've said some things about Joe Simpson in the past, but can you really blame the guy for wanting to bond with Tony? I mean, shit, his only son-in-law is Pete Wentz. You can only spend so many nights putting on black eyeliner before you snap and eat a raw steak while grabbing your daughter's breasts. Or so Joe told me at the titty bar where he was "laying low" for a couple of days.
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Jul 10 2009Megan Fox's ass is awesome and other news
- Artie Lange was busted for DUI this afternoon. Wow. It took that long to pick this guy up for driving under the influence? Was the officer feeling lazy today or something? "Hmm... One ticket short. What's Artie Lange doing?" [PopEater]
- Angelina Jolie flew Shiloh and Zahara on her private plane making her the coolest mom ever. Until she pulls a JFK Jr. -- Too soon? [Just Jared]
- Lindsay Lohan continues to be a walking object lesson on the dangers of snorting blow then Tweeting. [Lainey Gossip]
- Paris Hilton showed up in court today to defend herself against a lawsuit that she didn't properly promote National Lampoon's Pledge This! I don't get it. Paris Hilton disassociating herself is probably the best thing she could've done for this movie. Short of literally dying in the middle of it. [The Blemish]
- David Beckham named his son after Tom Cruise. I'm going to assume this was the only way to rebuff his advances. Nothing like the ol' "How about we not have butt sex and I name my kid after you?" maneuver. Works every time. [Celebslam]
- Rachael Ray underwent vocal chord surgery and will be unable to speak for a few weeks. But she can still cook and therefore should marry me provided she agrees not too seek alimony in the divorce next month. [ICYDK]
- Joe Simpson wants Ashlee to make an album of Michael Jackson covers. Wow. I didn't think this guy could do anything worse than be obsessed with his daughters' breasts, but hats off to you Joe. You pulled it off. [PopSugar]
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Apr 13 2009Jessica Simpson goes out to eat with daddy
- Jessica Simpson had a nice family evening with Papa Joe, Tony Romo and Ashlee. And by nice I mean her breasts only got touched twice by Joe, and the first time he honestly thought they were dinner rolls. No foolin'. [Lainey Gossip]
- Scarlett Johannson encourages women to eat just like her which I think is awesome. Mostly because Gwyneth Paltrow is getting up there, so it's time for a new, younger model. With breasts. [Just Jared]
- Chris Brown's new girlfriend gives an interview, but it's an entirely different girl than the one I posted about this morning who let's assume is dead. Whoever picked "Within 24 hours" in the office pool, come collect your cash. [Radar Online]
- Amy Winehouse is still alive, and yes, it's because you touch yourself at night. Quit it. [Pink is the New Blog]
- Tila Tequila's house was broken into and the intruder used her Twitter account to say he/she killed her and her dog. Ha! Who knew criminals were so hilarious? [Celebslam]
- Eminem is performing at the MTV Movie Awards. I wonder if he'll bring his accordion.... [I'm Not Obsessed]
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Jun 10 2008Joe Simpson doesn't control his daughters, loves people 'to death'
Joe Simpson gets a lot of flack for his involvement in his daughter's lives whether it's for selling photo rights of his unborn grandchild or trying to manage Tony Romo's $67 million football contract. But ole Papa Simpson set the record straight with Us Weekly:
On rumors he controls his daughters:
“The media says that I try to plan everything - If I had half of the power they give me…They [Ashlee and Jessica] don’t call me and ask me. They call me and tell me.”
On Jessica and Tony Romo:
He adds that Jessica “... is as happy as I’ve seen her in years.” and gushes about the Dallas Cowboys quarterback, “He’s a great guy. I love Tony to death….He’s just a good kid….”
On Ashlee and Pete Wentz:
“I love Pete to death…He has a patient spirit and a kind heart…I’m honored to have Pete as my son-in-law.”
On his daughters' breasts:
"They're just great investments... I love them to death!"*
*Maybe possibly not an actual quote. But, if it sounds believable, then it's gotta be true. Enjoy that journalistic nugget. On the house!
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Jun 4 2008Joe Simpson trying to sell Jessica and Tony Romo's engagement
It's no secret Joe Simpson loves money almost as much as his daughter's breasts. He'll do whatever it takes to get his hands on it. He let Pete Wentz shotgun wed Ashlee, and now he's pressuring Tony Romo into proposing to Jessica. Of course, if Tony's not ready for that commitment, Joe's a generous guy and will settle for managing Tony's contract with the Cowboys. I mean, it's only worth $67 mil. Pfft. Pocket change. Us Weekly reports on Joe's shenigans:
A source tells Us Joe asked Romo, 28, to drop his agent so he could take over his NFL career and $67.5 million contract.
He even offered to broker a deal to sell his engagement and wedding to a magazine should Romo and Jessica, 27, get engaged. "'If you guys have a marriage, I can do the same [sell it] that I did with Ashlee,'" a source quotes him as saying.
Joe Simpson must walk around his house squeezing his daughters' mammaries while saying "Cha-ching." Actually, I know he does. Wanna know how? Joe sold me the exclusive story for ten bucks and a pic of Christina Aguilera's cleavage. I gotta admit: the man can bargain. My initial offer was a half-eaten donut and a lingerie ad from today's paper. That's when he pulled the gun...
NOTE: Why is Tony Romo hiding his face in every single shot? Oh, wait, he's had sex with Jessica Simpson. Never mind!
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Jun 2 2008Pete Wentz hearts his new father-in-law, Jessica Simpson reminded she'll never reproduce
The whole Simpson crew partied at the grand opening of the Palm Place Hotel & Spa in Vegas where their new douche-in-law Pete Wentz DJ'd the event. Pete wanted to make sure everyone know that he's fallen hard for Joe Simpson. Hard enough to play some Huey Lewis & The News which technically makes them married in the state of Vermont. I have no actual data to back that up. People reports:
Playing "Power of Love," Wentz said into the microphone, "This is dedicated to my father in law Joe Simpson. I definitely have the power of love for you."
He later dedicated a song to his "baby momma," who was sitting in VIP with her mom drinking water.
And speaking of his "baby momma," Ashlee Simpson officially announced the cancellation of her summer tour. So, condolences to the five people who bought tickets:
"After careful consideration, Ashlee Simpson has decided to postpone her summer tour," the singer's publicist said in a statement Saturday. "She is committed to giving her fans the best show possible, and will be back better than ever and ready to rock in the future."
When I mentioned the whole Simpson crew was present, I, of course, meant Jessica as well who was bombarded by fans asking her to hold their babies. I imagine these photo sessions went a little something a like this: "Oh's y'all, it's Jessica SImpson, y'all. Oh, I just loves y'all. Holds my baby, y'all. I know, y'all, it must be tough, y'all, not having your own baby y'all. Smile for the camera, dear. Oh, y'all, that Tony Romo cheating on you y'all. Smile for Gramma, cutie. Y'alls being dumb as a hammer y'all. Hang in there y'all. Always adopt y'all. God bless y'all. Ooh, let's play Keno, y'all. I hope they have a y'all buffet y'all." It's almost like you're there, isn't it? Yeah, uh, my bad. Gotta stop doing that....
May 16 2008Pete Wentz's dad must cry himself to sleep
Pete Wentz (full name Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz III, I shit you not) had a bachelor party thrown for him last night with his dad (pink shirt) and future father-in-law Joe Simpson. No doubt, Pete's father did backflips when he learned Pete was marrying a girl then immediately stormed down to the VFW and punched out everyone that ever mocked him. Even though he never served in the military and typically drinks at Applebee's. Anyway, I can just picture the words of excitement coming out of Pete's mouth during this momentous occasion of male-bonding:
"Oh, lookee, father! A stripper establishment. Goody-gum-drops. I do so hope we can put dollar bills into their panties. Oh, can we, father? I'd be the happiest boy in the world! I would, I would."
But, no, seriously. Congratulations, Pete, and if I ever see you, I'll hit you in the face with your own neon-blue-laced hightops. Cheers!
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May 7 2008Ashlee Simpson & Pete Wentz to wed next week (I'll bring the shotgun!)
First, sorry for two Ashlee Simpson 's post in a row. Totally unplanned. Please, don't kill me. Anyway, Ashlee and Pete Wentz are reportedly walking down the aisle next week! Somebody apparently whipped out the shotgun and my money's on Joe Simpson. And, no, not for his daughter's honor. Ha ha. That's rich. Seriously, you should be writing this instead of me. Hollyscoop reports:
A source close to the couple has told Hollyscoop exclusively, "The wedding invitations have been sent out, its taking place the weekend of May 16. The location will not be revealed until the day of the wedding but guests are told it will be an hour drive from Los Angeles."
Our source also confirmed that Ashlee is 100% pregnant. Papa Joe is probably busy selling off the wedding info and pictures as we speak so expect to see it in the tabloids Memorial weekend.
Joe Simpson is probably the coolest dad in the world. Not only does he sell the photo rights to his daughter's unborn child but to her shotgun wedding as well. This is almost better than the gift he got Ashlee for her Sweet 16. Which was a boob job for her sister Jessica. God, that's sweet. *sniff* And my own father wouldn't even play catch with me... I can't help it I've got flippers for arms!
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